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HAPPY 2010!!!!!!!!!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
The end of 2009...
This is the last day of 2009. I still have 45 minutes to go before its the new year. 2010 baby!
This morning I woke up from a dream. I was in my own world again. There was magic, friendship, family and alot of animals... I can't really remember the details but it was in my own world that I have visited several times in my dreams.
As I got on with my day, I looked forward to going out to Sentral and catch a movie with my buddies. Too bad one of my closest friend can't be there so it was only me, Hooi Ling, her sister and another friend of mine. It's been such a long time since I went out and hang around in a group. By 4.30pm, we got tickets to watch Avatar at 6.15pm.
While waiting for the movie, we went to get some bite in McDonald and I can't believe how fast time flies cause before we knew it, it was 6.15 already. I rushed to get popcorn and when we entered the movie theater, we were just in time. The screen was blank, thank God for that.
The movie started... It was amazing! We got theater 4 and the seats was awesome! I actually went into the movie. I was in Pandora! During the destruction of the home of the Na'vi, I could feel the earth shake cause the sound system was totally amazing till the floor and chairs in the theater shook. That really made me enter the movie! The quality was awesome! So clear! Clearer than the cinemas in Penang... I really love the story in the movie!
The Na'vi is all about protecting the nature of their planet. Damn I wish I could be one of them. It will be fun to explore places everyday. Fly! Thats the best part. Haha... I rarely dream of flying but whenever I did dream of flying... It was wonderful! Most of the time I dream of jumping from high places and landing safely. I would even dream of having magical abilities and create fireballs with my hand. My dreams are always out of this world and never normal. Most of the times I would have vampire moves and abilities like crawling up walls or flying... The only normal dreams I have is running away from something. Either it is away from school or from home but the out of this world factors will come in...
15 more minutes to midnight!!! After one door closes, another will open... Another chapter of my life closes and a new chapter will be written... Life goes on... Hello 2010!!!!!!
This morning I woke up from a dream. I was in my own world again. There was magic, friendship, family and alot of animals... I can't really remember the details but it was in my own world that I have visited several times in my dreams.
As I got on with my day, I looked forward to going out to Sentral and catch a movie with my buddies. Too bad one of my closest friend can't be there so it was only me, Hooi Ling, her sister and another friend of mine. It's been such a long time since I went out and hang around in a group. By 4.30pm, we got tickets to watch Avatar at 6.15pm.
While waiting for the movie, we went to get some bite in McDonald and I can't believe how fast time flies cause before we knew it, it was 6.15 already. I rushed to get popcorn and when we entered the movie theater, we were just in time. The screen was blank, thank God for that.
The movie started... It was amazing! We got theater 4 and the seats was awesome! I actually went into the movie. I was in Pandora! During the destruction of the home of the Na'vi, I could feel the earth shake cause the sound system was totally amazing till the floor and chairs in the theater shook. That really made me enter the movie! The quality was awesome! So clear! Clearer than the cinemas in Penang... I really love the story in the movie!
The Na'vi is all about protecting the nature of their planet. Damn I wish I could be one of them. It will be fun to explore places everyday. Fly! Thats the best part. Haha... I rarely dream of flying but whenever I did dream of flying... It was wonderful! Most of the time I dream of jumping from high places and landing safely. I would even dream of having magical abilities and create fireballs with my hand. My dreams are always out of this world and never normal. Most of the times I would have vampire moves and abilities like crawling up walls or flying... The only normal dreams I have is running away from something. Either it is away from school or from home but the out of this world factors will come in...
15 more minutes to midnight!!! After one door closes, another will open... Another chapter of my life closes and a new chapter will be written... Life goes on... Hello 2010!!!!!!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
An Unexpected Guest
Hmm... Here is something I usually do in my Friendster blog so I'm just bringing forward this post. Due to my insomnia yesterday night, I reminisce about my writing and I found one of my finest essay. I think it is my finest cause it turned out pretty well and it was the first time I ever enjoyed writing an essay for a school examination. Yeah... Another school essay but this time it was not in Convent but in Kampung jambu. I was actually in a very great mood during the exam hence better writing. I can say that it was my favorite memory in Kampung Jambu.
It is best if I stoped yapping and just go straight to the essay. I threw the question paper away so I can only write what the question I chose was all about. "An Unexpected Guest". That was the question and this is the essay:
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The trees were lush with green and the flowers in the garden bloomed with beauty. As I stared out my kitchen window, my heart filled itself with a feeling of pride and I felt a warm breeze of calmness flowing throughout my body.
"Mummy, mummy," I heard Pleuvoir my youngest son calling. I turned around and there he was-standing beside him, a man in his prime, six foot tall with a bright cheerful smile etched on his face-towering over Pleuvoir who was only as tall as my kitchen counters. I stood fixed to the floor as lifeless as a stone statue.
I can't believe its him. After eight years, I thought I would never see him again. I tried to move but I was so confused and the sight of him took my breath away. How could this be possible? It can't be him, it just can't be.
Suddenly, he started to aproach me and I could see his face more clearer now. It was him. I can't deny it anymore. His apple-green eyes burried deep in his forehead, that cute puppy smile I have always love and that sweet face of his. How could I ever forget his features.
Without realising what I was doing, I soon realised that my face was wet with tears and I was hugging the mysterious guest who just entered my house moments ago, without a word spoken. Through my blurry eyes, I saw Pleuvoir running out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
After the embrace, I spoke at last. "I'm so happy to see you again my son. Please forgive me," the tears still running down my cheeks. "No mum, I'm the one who has to apologize and I hope you are willing to forgive me," he spoke with a voice so smooth and low. "I shouldn't have ran away from home after dad left us. I was stupid and foolish to do such a thing without thinking," he continued.
"I was afraid to come home when I heard about Sean's death. It's my fault mum! I should have stayed and taken care of my baby brother, I..." I stoped him there before he could finish talking. "Forget about the past. I have never blamed you for anything. All I ever wanted was for you to come back." I looked into his beautiful green eyes and saw pearly beads of tears falling down his cheeks.
For a moment, we just stared at each other but broke into laughter when Pleuvoir came running into the kitchen with his toy gun and Gooner the dauchshund at his heel.
Okay... Maybe its not that good but its still the finest I've done. At least thats what I'm trying to believe lol. But it has got to be better than my other really outrageous essays that I've posted in my friendster blog before. Well, hope whoever that read this enjoy... And thanks for taking the time to read... :)
It is best if I stoped yapping and just go straight to the essay. I threw the question paper away so I can only write what the question I chose was all about. "An Unexpected Guest". That was the question and this is the essay:
AN UNEXPECTED GUEST
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The trees were lush with green and the flowers in the garden bloomed with beauty. As I stared out my kitchen window, my heart filled itself with a feeling of pride and I felt a warm breeze of calmness flowing throughout my body.
"Mummy, mummy," I heard Pleuvoir my youngest son calling. I turned around and there he was-standing beside him, a man in his prime, six foot tall with a bright cheerful smile etched on his face-towering over Pleuvoir who was only as tall as my kitchen counters. I stood fixed to the floor as lifeless as a stone statue.
I can't believe its him. After eight years, I thought I would never see him again. I tried to move but I was so confused and the sight of him took my breath away. How could this be possible? It can't be him, it just can't be.
Suddenly, he started to aproach me and I could see his face more clearer now. It was him. I can't deny it anymore. His apple-green eyes burried deep in his forehead, that cute puppy smile I have always love and that sweet face of his. How could I ever forget his features.
Without realising what I was doing, I soon realised that my face was wet with tears and I was hugging the mysterious guest who just entered my house moments ago, without a word spoken. Through my blurry eyes, I saw Pleuvoir running out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
After the embrace, I spoke at last. "I'm so happy to see you again my son. Please forgive me," the tears still running down my cheeks. "No mum, I'm the one who has to apologize and I hope you are willing to forgive me," he spoke with a voice so smooth and low. "I shouldn't have ran away from home after dad left us. I was stupid and foolish to do such a thing without thinking," he continued.
"I was afraid to come home when I heard about Sean's death. It's my fault mum! I should have stayed and taken care of my baby brother, I..." I stoped him there before he could finish talking. "Forget about the past. I have never blamed you for anything. All I ever wanted was for you to come back." I looked into his beautiful green eyes and saw pearly beads of tears falling down his cheeks.
For a moment, we just stared at each other but broke into laughter when Pleuvoir came running into the kitchen with his toy gun and Gooner the dauchshund at his heel.
~The End~
Okay... Maybe its not that good but its still the finest I've done. At least thats what I'm trying to believe lol. But it has got to be better than my other really outrageous essays that I've posted in my friendster blog before. Well, hope whoever that read this enjoy... And thanks for taking the time to read... :)
Sunday, December 20, 2009
All I ever wanted to be...
What I'm about to write are my dreams that I know I might never achieve now cause there is no fucking college in Malaysia that can help realise my dream! Chef was a choice! I had no other options but to take it since I certainly can't endure 2 more years in school and the course is the only thing that was affordable and reachable.
All I ever wanted to be was a Zoologist or any career that involved studying animals. Thats my passion in life and is the only thing that I can do best! I went to Sciece Stream and got tortured there is just because of my dream, but because I'm in Malaysia, there is no fucking way possible I can ever reach it unless I went to overseas that would cost a fortune. I wanna learn, study and care for animals. Instead, I'm cooking dead animals. I find that very ironic but some animals are ment to be food source and farmed animals does not hurt the ecosystem if properly managed. I wanna spread the word of conservation just like Steve Irwin, the guy who inspired me the most. It would have been a wonderful dream to meet him and it has always been my dream to meet him. Sadly, he left this world too early and it silently killed me inside to know that the world has just lost a wonderful legend who was a hero to those who can't speak and didn't really matter to the majority of the people of the world.
I want to build animal shelters, programs that would educate people on how to be responsible pet owners. Where is the love people??? Love makes the world go round but it seems as if money makes the world go round, and that is a fact.
When it comes to animal facts, I could remember them in a heartbeat except when Its about their weight, speed and those physics stuff. I'm more into Biology, how they move, react, why do they have those behaviours and speacial abilities. Out of the three science subjects, I got A1 in Biology. Physics, a B4 and a very predictable C5 in Chemistry.
I find it hard to organise my priorities. I feel like I'm being pulled far far away from this dream of mine and it hurts terribly. I can't remember the animal facts I used to remember anymore, I seem to be wrong all the time and I find it hard to pull myself back together. I always wanted those big huge animal books that had facts and everything in it but was always too expensive. My parents just wouldn't spend that much money on me by buying that book. In fact, my parents don't really support me with this dream of mine. My mum aspeacially would not invest on something that won't make alot of money and that was why my last and only option was to take Chef training.
I always thought I would do really well cause I want to be a famous celebrity chef. Of course its for the fame and money but for a good cause. I want that fame and money to do great things! To realise my dream! Spread the word of censervation, build or sponser animal shelters, promote free range and make the world a safer future for our children! With money, I can travel! With fame, I can promote something better and hope people would receive the message and do something for a change! I want to do so many good and yet people hate me cause I'm trying to be good?
It's so hard to be myself and not feel good about it when people only like the lie. The placebo that make things good all the time but lies are lies. Depression can really wipe out someones creativity and self confidence, and make it go EXTINCT.
Whenever I fail, I feel horrible cause I'm being pulled away from my dream further and further. I'm trying my best here and yet I can't do it? I suck at socialing I know! I never thought that would affect me the worst! All I wanted was support. I want it more than anything in the world right now. I know that I will never loose hope in my dream and will pursue it anyway possible! I will NEVER GIVE UP on it! Never! Cause it MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.
All I ever wanted to be was a Zoologist or any career that involved studying animals. Thats my passion in life and is the only thing that I can do best! I went to Sciece Stream and got tortured there is just because of my dream, but because I'm in Malaysia, there is no fucking way possible I can ever reach it unless I went to overseas that would cost a fortune. I wanna learn, study and care for animals. Instead, I'm cooking dead animals. I find that very ironic but some animals are ment to be food source and farmed animals does not hurt the ecosystem if properly managed. I wanna spread the word of conservation just like Steve Irwin, the guy who inspired me the most. It would have been a wonderful dream to meet him and it has always been my dream to meet him. Sadly, he left this world too early and it silently killed me inside to know that the world has just lost a wonderful legend who was a hero to those who can't speak and didn't really matter to the majority of the people of the world.
I want to build animal shelters, programs that would educate people on how to be responsible pet owners. Where is the love people??? Love makes the world go round but it seems as if money makes the world go round, and that is a fact.
When it comes to animal facts, I could remember them in a heartbeat except when Its about their weight, speed and those physics stuff. I'm more into Biology, how they move, react, why do they have those behaviours and speacial abilities. Out of the three science subjects, I got A1 in Biology. Physics, a B4 and a very predictable C5 in Chemistry.
I find it hard to organise my priorities. I feel like I'm being pulled far far away from this dream of mine and it hurts terribly. I can't remember the animal facts I used to remember anymore, I seem to be wrong all the time and I find it hard to pull myself back together. I always wanted those big huge animal books that had facts and everything in it but was always too expensive. My parents just wouldn't spend that much money on me by buying that book. In fact, my parents don't really support me with this dream of mine. My mum aspeacially would not invest on something that won't make alot of money and that was why my last and only option was to take Chef training.
I always thought I would do really well cause I want to be a famous celebrity chef. Of course its for the fame and money but for a good cause. I want that fame and money to do great things! To realise my dream! Spread the word of censervation, build or sponser animal shelters, promote free range and make the world a safer future for our children! With money, I can travel! With fame, I can promote something better and hope people would receive the message and do something for a change! I want to do so many good and yet people hate me cause I'm trying to be good?
It's so hard to be myself and not feel good about it when people only like the lie. The placebo that make things good all the time but lies are lies. Depression can really wipe out someones creativity and self confidence, and make it go EXTINCT.
Whenever I fail, I feel horrible cause I'm being pulled away from my dream further and further. I'm trying my best here and yet I can't do it? I suck at socialing I know! I never thought that would affect me the worst! All I wanted was support. I want it more than anything in the world right now. I know that I will never loose hope in my dream and will pursue it anyway possible! I will NEVER GIVE UP on it! Never! Cause it MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.
Feels so good to hurt so bad...
Ok... I know I'm being EMO but I don't care anymore! Being one is not wrong at all! Actually being one makes one stronger only in a different and hard way, but stongest among all! We are the noble dark knights (not batman) but something like dark fallen angels trying to get their wings back.
Everytime I'm pushed to a point where I think I might be having a mental break-down like how I'm feeling now, I would find the need to write it all out aspeacially in my blogs.
I have absolutely no idea what is wrong with me this few days. I just have this feeling of sadness and refuse to talk to anyone eventhough it was my best friend that I thought I could talk all day and all night with, just like the times before. I just couldn't and I felt guilty for doing so.
For the whole day today, I've been sitting in front of the telly, on the rocking chair and watching movies as well as other programs that I thought was interesting. I just couldn't do something else. Then, I felt this urge to cry for no reason at all-which I did a few moments ago. I just don't know what my problem is. I'm kinda lost and lonely eventhough I'm home and my parents as well as best friends are here. Yet I feel so isolated from everyone in the world.
Sadness sucks but yet I'm reluctant to let it go. Why am I being like this??? Missery is my companion and somehow owned me in a way. Have I fallen in love with pain and sadness cause everything that happens around me seems to give me nothing but pain and missery! It met me in school and now has followed me to College. Everywhere I go seem to give me nothing but it!
I met a guy that made me happy for awhile and I thought for once, the world has showed me that there are still good decent people out there but it didn't last long. In the end the guy himself became another source of unhapiness to me. I know I'm seen as the freak, crazy, unsociable, dark and hatefull person. I didn't choose to be like this okay! I was changed into that monster thanks to people who don't like to read a book that does not have a shiny, glossy and beautiful cover! If you don't know me then you certainly do not have the right to judge me and see me as that horrible mask you all just put on me.
Everytime I'm pushed to a point where I think I might be having a mental break-down like how I'm feeling now, I would find the need to write it all out aspeacially in my blogs.
I have absolutely no idea what is wrong with me this few days. I just have this feeling of sadness and refuse to talk to anyone eventhough it was my best friend that I thought I could talk all day and all night with, just like the times before. I just couldn't and I felt guilty for doing so.
For the whole day today, I've been sitting in front of the telly, on the rocking chair and watching movies as well as other programs that I thought was interesting. I just couldn't do something else. Then, I felt this urge to cry for no reason at all-which I did a few moments ago. I just don't know what my problem is. I'm kinda lost and lonely eventhough I'm home and my parents as well as best friends are here. Yet I feel so isolated from everyone in the world.
Sadness sucks but yet I'm reluctant to let it go. Why am I being like this??? Missery is my companion and somehow owned me in a way. Have I fallen in love with pain and sadness cause everything that happens around me seems to give me nothing but pain and missery! It met me in school and now has followed me to College. Everywhere I go seem to give me nothing but it!
I met a guy that made me happy for awhile and I thought for once, the world has showed me that there are still good decent people out there but it didn't last long. In the end the guy himself became another source of unhapiness to me. I know I'm seen as the freak, crazy, unsociable, dark and hatefull person. I didn't choose to be like this okay! I was changed into that monster thanks to people who don't like to read a book that does not have a shiny, glossy and beautiful cover! If you don't know me then you certainly do not have the right to judge me and see me as that horrible mask you all just put on me.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
My other blog... Food-T Fans...
Hey... Just wanna tell you guys out there that read my blog that I have created another blog which I now share with my two best frens... Here is the link, check it out... :)
http://punkdog711rsvp.blogspot.com/
http://punkdog711rsvp.blogspot.com/
Risen Phoenix...
At last! I got to spread my wings wide and fly my way to FREEDOM!!! I burst into flames and rise high above the ashes of past failures... I am the Risen Phoenix!
Haha... I'm done with my theory exams!!! At first I thought I was gonna do kinda terrible in them since all I did was last minute studying, but somehow, I found all my theory exams easy and smooth... I did my very best and I just hope my results meet my expectations. Just wanna thank my buddies that help me, had group studies with me and treated me like a fellow human being.
I'm home in Taiping!!! Now I know how true the saying is that there is no other place like home. I love huggin my darling dog Johnny, being around my family and MY ROOM!!!
Since the hostel are gonna have spring cleaning, we were all required to put all our stuffs in boxes or plastics with our names written on it. I started packing at 1am+ and stoped at 4am+ cause I was too dam tired. My parents said they were gonna reach my hostel at 1pm, so I decided to wake at 10am and continue packing. However, my mum had other plans due to her one night insomnia. I found myself waking up at 9am and be told by my mum that she was on her way to my place and was gonna reach around 10am. Of course I didn't get to pack all my stuff in time before they reach but I guess my mum must have been in a good mood cause I didn't get the usuall nagging from her.
Ok, I didn't really got away from her naggings, she did nag me bout one thing and that was about the amount of stuff that I was bringing home to Taiping. I think I took home 10 bags filled with stuff. Lol... After my parents cram the Myvi with my bags, I bid my fellow housemates farewell and its off to Lunch in Pulau Tikus and home after that.
At last! I'm home in Taiping! Everything feels sane again cause I'm acting a lil insanely happy lol! It's been years seen I've felt this way again. Even when I knew I was in really deep trouble by getting a fish bone stuck in my throat, I could still laugh about it and at the thought of me dying due to it or living with that bone stuck in my throat till I die. Haha! I tried everything from caughing it out, sticking my finger down my throat and swallowing food. Everything failed! In the end, I just got a torchlight and I saw the bone sticking in my throat. I gotto let the news out of the bag and my mum pulled the bone out with a pair of chopsticks. Haha! Strange enough, we all laughed at the situation.
All in all, I'm very happy today. It has really been such a long time since I've felt this way. I suddenly have this Christmast spirit for no reason and somehow been awarded with little pleasures such as twilight on MTV and my dad addicted to a mandarin drama series I bought. Tomorrow is another new blank page that needs to be written or read... Only time would tell...
Haha... I'm done with my theory exams!!! At first I thought I was gonna do kinda terrible in them since all I did was last minute studying, but somehow, I found all my theory exams easy and smooth... I did my very best and I just hope my results meet my expectations. Just wanna thank my buddies that help me, had group studies with me and treated me like a fellow human being.
I'm home in Taiping!!! Now I know how true the saying is that there is no other place like home. I love huggin my darling dog Johnny, being around my family and MY ROOM!!!
Since the hostel are gonna have spring cleaning, we were all required to put all our stuffs in boxes or plastics with our names written on it. I started packing at 1am+ and stoped at 4am+ cause I was too dam tired. My parents said they were gonna reach my hostel at 1pm, so I decided to wake at 10am and continue packing. However, my mum had other plans due to her one night insomnia. I found myself waking up at 9am and be told by my mum that she was on her way to my place and was gonna reach around 10am. Of course I didn't get to pack all my stuff in time before they reach but I guess my mum must have been in a good mood cause I didn't get the usuall nagging from her.
Ok, I didn't really got away from her naggings, she did nag me bout one thing and that was about the amount of stuff that I was bringing home to Taiping. I think I took home 10 bags filled with stuff. Lol... After my parents cram the Myvi with my bags, I bid my fellow housemates farewell and its off to Lunch in Pulau Tikus and home after that.
At last! I'm home in Taiping! Everything feels sane again cause I'm acting a lil insanely happy lol! It's been years seen I've felt this way again. Even when I knew I was in really deep trouble by getting a fish bone stuck in my throat, I could still laugh about it and at the thought of me dying due to it or living with that bone stuck in my throat till I die. Haha! I tried everything from caughing it out, sticking my finger down my throat and swallowing food. Everything failed! In the end, I just got a torchlight and I saw the bone sticking in my throat. I gotto let the news out of the bag and my mum pulled the bone out with a pair of chopsticks. Haha! Strange enough, we all laughed at the situation.
All in all, I'm very happy today. It has really been such a long time since I've felt this way. I suddenly have this Christmast spirit for no reason and somehow been awarded with little pleasures such as twilight on MTV and my dad addicted to a mandarin drama series I bought. Tomorrow is another new blank page that needs to be written or read... Only time would tell...
Thursday, November 19, 2009
My favourite depressed Quotes...
Depression hits again... My life in depressed quotes...
< It's getting colder now and the darkness consumes me. Depression is slowly creeping up. Maybe one day you'll actually care about me.
< I'm tired of being nice to people who don't give a shit about me. ( I really like this one)
< Sometimes the pain's too strong to bare...and life gets so hard you just don't care. You feel so alone you just sit and cry...every second you wish you could die. Then you start thinking who would care...if one day they woke up-and you weren't there.
< I could go on with my day and act like everything is okay. But as my life goes on it hurts more in every way.
< She can't hide no matter how hard she tries, her secret disguised behind the lies. And at night she cries away her pride, with eyes shut tight staring at her inside. All her friends know why she can't sleep at night, all her family asking is she alright. All she wants to do is get rid of this hell, well all she's got to do is stop kiddin herself. She can only fool herself for so long...
< Know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill the pain on the inside. ( another one that I really like...)
< I've been weak and I've been strong. I've been thru the fire and I've been thru the storm. Try to do right and I know I do wrong. Just be happy for me when my life is gone. Cause with no more hurt and no more tears, there will be no more pain and no more fears. No more people in my face that are not sincere. So smile for me when I'm no longer here.
< Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. ( really like this one)
< I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I wanna see. My world use to be worth living for, and now it's hard enough just to be me.
< I'm screwing up every little good thing I ever try to do. I was born to lose.
( I keep saying that to myself... Haizz...)
'~' You don't understand me and you never will. So don't start that shit 'bout knowin' how I feel. ( really love this one)
'~' Do you know what it's like to be me? Go through something not everyone can see? Do you know what it's like to walk in my shoes? Please stop judging me simply cause I'm not you... (Yeah!)
'~' Things are going crazy and I'm not sure who to blame. Everything is changing and I don't feel the same. I'm slipping through the cracks of floors I thought were strong. I'm trying to find a place where I feel like I belong.
'~' I think I'd do better on my own, no friends, no fights,just me...alone (Totally agree)
'~' I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.
'~' Behind this innocent smile of mine, lay words that go unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger, and hate, all repeating inside my head. (Love this)
'~' I just wanna end it all. Should I trip or should I fall. Wills omeone be there to catch me when I'm falling to the ground, or will I be there forever lying there with no sound. (some how Dreamt about it cause I'm still left there on the ground)
'~' Do you ever just get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody. You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy but at the same time you don't know exactly what is wrong either? (feeling it right now)
< It's getting colder now and the darkness consumes me. Depression is slowly creeping up. Maybe one day you'll actually care about me.
< I'm tired of being nice to people who don't give a shit about me. ( I really like this one)
< Sometimes the pain's too strong to bare...and life gets so hard you just don't care. You feel so alone you just sit and cry...every second you wish you could die. Then you start thinking who would care...if one day they woke up-and you weren't there.
< I could go on with my day and act like everything is okay. But as my life goes on it hurts more in every way.
< She can't hide no matter how hard she tries, her secret disguised behind the lies. And at night she cries away her pride, with eyes shut tight staring at her inside. All her friends know why she can't sleep at night, all her family asking is she alright. All she wants to do is get rid of this hell, well all she's got to do is stop kiddin herself. She can only fool herself for so long...
< Know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill the pain on the inside. ( another one that I really like...)
< I've been weak and I've been strong. I've been thru the fire and I've been thru the storm. Try to do right and I know I do wrong. Just be happy for me when my life is gone. Cause with no more hurt and no more tears, there will be no more pain and no more fears. No more people in my face that are not sincere. So smile for me when I'm no longer here.
< Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. ( really like this one)
< I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I wanna see. My world use to be worth living for, and now it's hard enough just to be me.
< I'm screwing up every little good thing I ever try to do. I was born to lose.
( I keep saying that to myself... Haizz...)
'~' You don't understand me and you never will. So don't start that shit 'bout knowin' how I feel. ( really love this one)
'~' Do you know what it's like to be me? Go through something not everyone can see? Do you know what it's like to walk in my shoes? Please stop judging me simply cause I'm not you... (Yeah!)
'~' Things are going crazy and I'm not sure who to blame. Everything is changing and I don't feel the same. I'm slipping through the cracks of floors I thought were strong. I'm trying to find a place where I feel like I belong.
'~' I think I'd do better on my own, no friends, no fights,just me...alone (Totally agree)
'~' I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.
'~' Behind this innocent smile of mine, lay words that go unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger, and hate, all repeating inside my head. (Love this)
'~' I just wanna end it all. Should I trip or should I fall. Wills omeone be there to catch me when I'm falling to the ground, or will I be there forever lying there with no sound. (some how Dreamt about it cause I'm still left there on the ground)
'~' Do you ever just get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody. You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy but at the same time you don't know exactly what is wrong either? (feeling it right now)
Failure...
Today I had my Garde Manger final practical exam. I woke up at 8am drowsy as ever cause I slept at 2am+... Reset my alarm to wake me up at 9am so that I can have another hour of sleep but I couldn't fall back to sleep cause I kept thinking of the exam... How was I going to do the plating, garnishing for the canape and so many more.
Got to college, slept at the cafeteria, did a few more things n time was up. I always thought when I was in the kitchen I would feel better and knew exactly what to do... Sadly, I wasted some of my precious time running around like a headless chicken in the kitchen figuring what to do next. In the end, I was late to present my product and my product was totally boring... T_T
When the Chef was elaborating n commenting about it, I was numb, tired, self criticizing and felt like running away. I didn't wanna be there at all. I felt terribly uncomfortable like a fish out of water...
All in all I felt beaten to the ground. My self criticisms hurt me n decreased whatever left of my self confidence to a zero.
Got to college, slept at the cafeteria, did a few more things n time was up. I always thought when I was in the kitchen I would feel better and knew exactly what to do... Sadly, I wasted some of my precious time running around like a headless chicken in the kitchen figuring what to do next. In the end, I was late to present my product and my product was totally boring... T_T
When the Chef was elaborating n commenting about it, I was numb, tired, self criticizing and felt like running away. I didn't wanna be there at all. I felt terribly uncomfortable like a fish out of water...
All in all I felt beaten to the ground. My self criticisms hurt me n decreased whatever left of my self confidence to a zero.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
French Oral exam...
Ok... Its finals again and before I sit for my final French theory exam, I have to go through this Oral test which I had an hour ago...
How was it? All I can say is GG la... Here is how it went...
Sorry if my spelling is wrong... My French is worst than my English...
Knock knock knock... I open the door n went in...
Me: Bonjour(a church mouse squeek)
Mr.R: Bonjour. Introduce yourself.
Me: Je Mahppele Stephanie Cheng. Je suis Malaysienne. J'habite a Penang. Je suis dix-huit ans. Je suis etudiante a KDU COllege Penang... (shaky voice with 'umm' n 'ahh' in intervals)
Mr.R: PLease describe for me Shan.
Me: Pardon?
Mr.R: Like tall or short, hair colour of Shan.
Me: Shan? (a few seconds of silence tat felt like a lifetime...)
Me: Shan? Prashant??? (an indian classmate of mine)
Mr.R: Yeah, Prashant.
Me: Oh! Ok. Ummm... Il est grande, et a les cheaveux noir... et les yeux brune.
Mr.R: Ok... Yong.
Me: Rebecca? ( another one of my classmates cause I thought I heard him say Rebecca)
Mr.R: Yong Tien How.
Me: Pardon?
Mr.R: Yong Tien How. (pointing at his name at the name list)
Me: Je nuh Se puh (I thought he wanted me to describe him but I wasn't sure who he was)
Mr.R: No, call him to come. He is next. I only ask you 3 questions. Thats it.
Me: Oh! Ok ok... Haha... =.=''
N I walked out of the room...
3 Questions? He only asked me 2... Was Bonjour a question? I thought he heard my very soft bonjour n was replying my bonjour... All the people who went in before me was asked at least 5 questions... Why I only got 2??? I'm paranoid!!! I feel like sinking to the bottom of the ocean... I'm sinking sinking sinking....
Tomorrow I'm having Garde Manger Final practical exam!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!
How was it? All I can say is GG la... Here is how it went...
Sorry if my spelling is wrong... My French is worst than my English...
Knock knock knock... I open the door n went in...
Me: Bonjour(a church mouse squeek)
Mr.R: Bonjour. Introduce yourself.
Me: Je Mahppele Stephanie Cheng. Je suis Malaysienne. J'habite a Penang. Je suis dix-huit ans. Je suis etudiante a KDU COllege Penang... (shaky voice with 'umm' n 'ahh' in intervals)
Mr.R: PLease describe for me Shan.
Me: Pardon?
Mr.R: Like tall or short, hair colour of Shan.
Me: Shan? (a few seconds of silence tat felt like a lifetime...)
Me: Shan? Prashant??? (an indian classmate of mine)
Mr.R: Yeah, Prashant.
Me: Oh! Ok. Ummm... Il est grande, et a les cheaveux noir... et les yeux brune.
Mr.R: Ok... Yong.
Me: Rebecca? ( another one of my classmates cause I thought I heard him say Rebecca)
Mr.R: Yong Tien How.
Me: Pardon?
Mr.R: Yong Tien How. (pointing at his name at the name list)
Me: Je nuh Se puh (I thought he wanted me to describe him but I wasn't sure who he was)
Mr.R: No, call him to come. He is next. I only ask you 3 questions. Thats it.
Me: Oh! Ok ok... Haha... =.=''
N I walked out of the room...
3 Questions? He only asked me 2... Was Bonjour a question? I thought he heard my very soft bonjour n was replying my bonjour... All the people who went in before me was asked at least 5 questions... Why I only got 2??? I'm paranoid!!! I feel like sinking to the bottom of the ocean... I'm sinking sinking sinking....
Tomorrow I'm having Garde Manger Final practical exam!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
If only I could be there for you...
OMG. I just got the saddest news about my dog, Brownie. I still remember the last day I saw her at home. Before I got in the car, I was thinking to myself that 'Who knows that this might just be the last time I see her'. I didn't wanna believe that and I told myself that I was just thinking nonsense... Dam bloody hell it was true. That was the last time I saw, pat and hugged her.
Brownie was my dearest dog I ever had. She was always my favourite cause she was such a lady. Always coming up to me with her curled up tail wagging so ever happily. She was a gift from my sister's friend 8 years ago and till this day, Brownie's mother is still alive. I still can play back a flash of the memory of exactly how everything went... She was so tiny that we can put her into a shoe box and in there, she fell asleep till we reached home. The first few nights, she cried due to lonelyness till we had to let her in and sleep in my sister's room. A growing pup would always find trouble and she did exactly that by chewing on shoes and digging. It drove mum crazy but I was always there to defend her.
After 2 years or so, we got Lassie. Brownie was her companion and it made the first few nights tolerable. Lassie always played with Brownie till one day when both of them were tied up close to each other, Lassie nearly lossed her paw due to the chains being entangled around it. Luckily we were in time to save her paw. After that, we never chain them close to each other anymore. Instead we got them a cage big enough for two big dogs.
In 2004, I started training Brownie and I got to teach her a few tricks. She was such a fast learner cause she could remember the hand signals and commands I gave her. During my last visit in Taiping, I tested her again and she could still do it. She was the first dog I ever trained succesfully. The first dog I ever had that can carry out the shake hand command which I had thought her with or without treats. Just remembering those memories are making me tear up...
Brownie was always afraid of fireworks and I still can remember those nights that I would hold her in my arms and hum her a tune just to make her less afraid. She was always there when I needed someone to hug. She was always there when I needed her. But where was I when she needed me? A dog's love for their owner is unconditional. Whenever I go for long trips and come back, she would crookedly run towards me and wag her tail furiously. When she reach me, she will jump on me and I'll hug her. I'll miss those moments the most cause the next time I go back to Taiping, there won't be a furry brown dog to come running crookedly towards me anymore... The plain sigh would be just too unbearable.
The thing that puzzles me is, why my parents didn't tell me and my sister the sad news. It was my neighbur who told my sis who reached me. I was so shocked that I could say a word or even think for a moment. I just can't believe she is gone. I never even get to see her go or say my last goodbyes before her burial... I'll never forget this day cause she died in the morning. Michael Jackson's funeral...
My darling Brownie... You will always be in my heart and never forgotten just like Lassie, my german sheppard... I'll love you forever... May you rest in peace my dearest sweetest dog. It is true when they say the best breed of dog is a no breed at all...
Brownie was my dearest dog I ever had. She was always my favourite cause she was such a lady. Always coming up to me with her curled up tail wagging so ever happily. She was a gift from my sister's friend 8 years ago and till this day, Brownie's mother is still alive. I still can play back a flash of the memory of exactly how everything went... She was so tiny that we can put her into a shoe box and in there, she fell asleep till we reached home. The first few nights, she cried due to lonelyness till we had to let her in and sleep in my sister's room. A growing pup would always find trouble and she did exactly that by chewing on shoes and digging. It drove mum crazy but I was always there to defend her.
After 2 years or so, we got Lassie. Brownie was her companion and it made the first few nights tolerable. Lassie always played with Brownie till one day when both of them were tied up close to each other, Lassie nearly lossed her paw due to the chains being entangled around it. Luckily we were in time to save her paw. After that, we never chain them close to each other anymore. Instead we got them a cage big enough for two big dogs.
In 2004, I started training Brownie and I got to teach her a few tricks. She was such a fast learner cause she could remember the hand signals and commands I gave her. During my last visit in Taiping, I tested her again and she could still do it. She was the first dog I ever trained succesfully. The first dog I ever had that can carry out the shake hand command which I had thought her with or without treats. Just remembering those memories are making me tear up...
Brownie was always afraid of fireworks and I still can remember those nights that I would hold her in my arms and hum her a tune just to make her less afraid. She was always there when I needed someone to hug. She was always there when I needed her. But where was I when she needed me? A dog's love for their owner is unconditional. Whenever I go for long trips and come back, she would crookedly run towards me and wag her tail furiously. When she reach me, she will jump on me and I'll hug her. I'll miss those moments the most cause the next time I go back to Taiping, there won't be a furry brown dog to come running crookedly towards me anymore... The plain sigh would be just too unbearable.
The thing that puzzles me is, why my parents didn't tell me and my sister the sad news. It was my neighbur who told my sis who reached me. I was so shocked that I could say a word or even think for a moment. I just can't believe she is gone. I never even get to see her go or say my last goodbyes before her burial... I'll never forget this day cause she died in the morning. Michael Jackson's funeral...
My darling Brownie... You will always be in my heart and never forgotten just like Lassie, my german sheppard... I'll love you forever... May you rest in peace my dearest sweetest dog. It is true when they say the best breed of dog is a no breed at all...
Sunday, June 28, 2009
College!!!!!
Wow... Ok...
I finally found the time to write a new post in my blog... This time I'm just gonna write bout college life though I've already been in college for 3 months... For those who don't know... My parents forced me to defer my NS and go to KDU college Penang for the March intake. What course I'm taking??? Well, most of my friends thinks it's hillarious, some say I'm not gonna suceed in it and a few of my close friends think I'm gonna do really well. Ok, I'll get straight to the point... Diploma in Professional Chef Training...
Why I choosed that course? Well...
1)I'm interested in cooking since I was little
2)It does not involve subjects that I really hate
3)I might get to go overseas to further my studies/work there
4)A chef's income is very high (I wanna be rich! lol)
5)I wanna be a celebrity Chef (Don't laugh...)
KDU is a fun place to study but the problem with me is... I can't speak Mandarin and most of the Chef students are mandarin speakers... 3 Months de I'm there but I still can't be comfortable with my classmates... I hate myself for being shy!!! There is nothing wrong with my classmates of course, I'm just very... Haizz...
So far, I have learnt how to bake different types of cake, Quiche, Choux Pastry, Buns, how to cook different types of soups, sauces, stocks, potatoes, vegetables, salads, eggs, butcher chicken, duck, lamb, beef, fish(seabas n Salmon), turkey, game(quail n venison) and shellfish which included Lobsters... Hehehe... The funny thing is... Everything we cook, will end up in our stomachs! Haha...
Now, finals are coming! Getting nervous lol. I got loads of pressure now since I really wanna get all A's... By the way, I suceeded in getting a scholarship, The Star Education Fund Sholarship to be exact. I gotto prove that I do deserve the scholarship so that it won't be taken back lol. Fiuh... Pressure man...
Well, I guess that wraps it up... Gotto study de lor... But very hard since my laptop keeps calling my name. Cannot play play de! Must get all A's! Gambateh!!!
I finally found the time to write a new post in my blog... This time I'm just gonna write bout college life though I've already been in college for 3 months... For those who don't know... My parents forced me to defer my NS and go to KDU college Penang for the March intake. What course I'm taking??? Well, most of my friends thinks it's hillarious, some say I'm not gonna suceed in it and a few of my close friends think I'm gonna do really well. Ok, I'll get straight to the point... Diploma in Professional Chef Training...
Why I choosed that course? Well...
1)I'm interested in cooking since I was little
2)It does not involve subjects that I really hate
3)I might get to go overseas to further my studies/work there
4)A chef's income is very high (I wanna be rich! lol)
5)I wanna be a celebrity Chef (Don't laugh...)
KDU is a fun place to study but the problem with me is... I can't speak Mandarin and most of the Chef students are mandarin speakers... 3 Months de I'm there but I still can't be comfortable with my classmates... I hate myself for being shy!!! There is nothing wrong with my classmates of course, I'm just very... Haizz...
So far, I have learnt how to bake different types of cake, Quiche, Choux Pastry, Buns, how to cook different types of soups, sauces, stocks, potatoes, vegetables, salads, eggs, butcher chicken, duck, lamb, beef, fish(seabas n Salmon), turkey, game(quail n venison) and shellfish which included Lobsters... Hehehe... The funny thing is... Everything we cook, will end up in our stomachs! Haha...
Now, finals are coming! Getting nervous lol. I got loads of pressure now since I really wanna get all A's... By the way, I suceeded in getting a scholarship, The Star Education Fund Sholarship to be exact. I gotto prove that I do deserve the scholarship so that it won't be taken back lol. Fiuh... Pressure man...
Well, I guess that wraps it up... Gotto study de lor... But very hard since my laptop keeps calling my name. Cannot play play de! Must get all A's! Gambateh!!!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
NS or College first???
Oh GOD! Why must things suddenly get more complicated than it is... Just two days ago, I found out that I'm placed in PLKN Kem Sinar Suria, Sungkai for my NS training... It is a very new camp since it's not even stated in the PLKN camp list in the PLKN website. All of my friends except one has made up their minds to go for NS training and I thought I was up for it too until yesterday, I had to decide all over again... This time, I can't make up my mind!
I insisted from the beginning that I'm gonna go for NS before I go college this year in August cause I didn't wanna go when I'm 20+ or something... By the way, I thought I would get the chance to handle guns and do very exiting activities everyday for the next three months! I'm an adrenaline junkie and I love adventures, dangerous activities and challenges... I hate being stuck in rooms filled with people and listening to stupid lectures... I thought in NS, I'll get the chance to get fit! Like a boot-camp! Discipline is no prob for me but waiting in line, waiting, waiting and more waiting is totally shit for me! I've experienced 3 days in NS before in Kem Tegas Mesra if I'm not mistaken. It was 2 days of activities only... Doing the Obstacle course and Canoeing. The first day was totally boring and all we did was wait, wait and wait non stop... I seriously thought NS everyday for the three months was training us to do the obstacle course everyday to get fit and a part of the training. Furthermore, it's fun!
WHY I DON'T WANNA GO NS,
I heard from a fren of mine that I really miss and now in NS, that my assumption of NS was wrong... The first month was filled with classes for character building, moral and whatsoever... Lectures, lectures and more lectures... The next month was again filled with more lectures, lectures and lectures except they added Kawat kaki in the morning and a one day shooting outing, and prepping for the one night outing in the forest for the ending of NS. The physical activities was only done once! Only once! Just like my three days in NS! WTF! That ain't gonna be fun at all!!! All I can think of NS is a total waste of time!
WHY I WANNA GO NS,
I love challenges and I think NS is a great challenge! I don't like to give up... Besides, its better to deal with it once and for all in the early stages so that this stupid problem wont arise again when I'm in college. NS also might give me a head start in taking care of myself and prepare me for the future in a cruel and boring way... Besides, it's a new camp... What else... Well, I can't think of any...
THE VERDICT,
My parents in the beginning agree that I carry out my NS plans and enter college in August but now, they insist that I go for the March intake... I should say it's my fault cause I kept complaining how NS would be boring and a waste of time. To look at the bright side, me going to college is something like a better NS experience. I mean,
1. NS gives their trainees to meet people and make new friends...
What difference does it make in college? I would still meet new people and make new friends. Furthermore, I'll be there for 2 and a half years.
2. NS let their trainees to experience an independent life...
Again, life in college is the same... Whats better than that is, the hostel I'll be living in has a kitchen and laundry room! I'll get to cook and do the laundry with the help of machines.
3. NS prepare their trainees to be better prepared in college/University life...
Can't argue with this but my sister didn't go for NS and yet she is doing so well on her own in Terrenganu... Miles and miles away from Taiping.
4. NS activities...
This is the easiest to argue with... In college, there is a gym that I can be a member of and I can use it everyday... There maybe special clubs that I can enter too...
CONCLUSION,
Though I can find so many reasons why I should just postpone NS but I still have doubts about it! This has become the hardest decision I've ever made! Maybe I'm just afraid that this NS problem would disturb me again in the future if I Postpone it for now... But did the government really arrested those picked NS trainees that didn't attend... Did they carry out any actions like what the newspapers reported long time ago? My parents keep saying, there are loads of people that had and have escape NS by Postponing and the government would just forget/lost any information about me being picked for NS with the millions of files of the same case as me after 2 and a half years... I still doubt it! SHOULD I GO OR NOT GO TO NS!!!!!!!!!!!!
I insisted from the beginning that I'm gonna go for NS before I go college this year in August cause I didn't wanna go when I'm 20+ or something... By the way, I thought I would get the chance to handle guns and do very exiting activities everyday for the next three months! I'm an adrenaline junkie and I love adventures, dangerous activities and challenges... I hate being stuck in rooms filled with people and listening to stupid lectures... I thought in NS, I'll get the chance to get fit! Like a boot-camp! Discipline is no prob for me but waiting in line, waiting, waiting and more waiting is totally shit for me! I've experienced 3 days in NS before in Kem Tegas Mesra if I'm not mistaken. It was 2 days of activities only... Doing the Obstacle course and Canoeing. The first day was totally boring and all we did was wait, wait and wait non stop... I seriously thought NS everyday for the three months was training us to do the obstacle course everyday to get fit and a part of the training. Furthermore, it's fun!
WHY I DON'T WANNA GO NS,
I heard from a fren of mine that I really miss and now in NS, that my assumption of NS was wrong... The first month was filled with classes for character building, moral and whatsoever... Lectures, lectures and more lectures... The next month was again filled with more lectures, lectures and lectures except they added Kawat kaki in the morning and a one day shooting outing, and prepping for the one night outing in the forest for the ending of NS. The physical activities was only done once! Only once! Just like my three days in NS! WTF! That ain't gonna be fun at all!!! All I can think of NS is a total waste of time!
WHY I WANNA GO NS,
I love challenges and I think NS is a great challenge! I don't like to give up... Besides, its better to deal with it once and for all in the early stages so that this stupid problem wont arise again when I'm in college. NS also might give me a head start in taking care of myself and prepare me for the future in a cruel and boring way... Besides, it's a new camp... What else... Well, I can't think of any...
THE VERDICT,
My parents in the beginning agree that I carry out my NS plans and enter college in August but now, they insist that I go for the March intake... I should say it's my fault cause I kept complaining how NS would be boring and a waste of time. To look at the bright side, me going to college is something like a better NS experience. I mean,
1. NS gives their trainees to meet people and make new friends...
What difference does it make in college? I would still meet new people and make new friends. Furthermore, I'll be there for 2 and a half years.
2. NS let their trainees to experience an independent life...
Again, life in college is the same... Whats better than that is, the hostel I'll be living in has a kitchen and laundry room! I'll get to cook and do the laundry with the help of machines.
3. NS prepare their trainees to be better prepared in college/University life...
Can't argue with this but my sister didn't go for NS and yet she is doing so well on her own in Terrenganu... Miles and miles away from Taiping.
4. NS activities...
This is the easiest to argue with... In college, there is a gym that I can be a member of and I can use it everyday... There maybe special clubs that I can enter too...
CONCLUSION,
Though I can find so many reasons why I should just postpone NS but I still have doubts about it! This has become the hardest decision I've ever made! Maybe I'm just afraid that this NS problem would disturb me again in the future if I Postpone it for now... But did the government really arrested those picked NS trainees that didn't attend... Did they carry out any actions like what the newspapers reported long time ago? My parents keep saying, there are loads of people that had and have escape NS by Postponing and the government would just forget/lost any information about me being picked for NS with the millions of files of the same case as me after 2 and a half years... I still doubt it! SHOULD I GO OR NOT GO TO NS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Insomniac Dreamer...(A new me?)
Ok!
I wonder how long I have been gone...
Well, not gone from this world of course but gone from this web...
Why do I keep thinking I was gone and now back again???
Where did I go to?
OK, forget it... I'm talking nonsense again.
I guess I just don't really know how to start writing this post.
Why Insomniac Dreamer?
Thats my new theme lol.
I'm not actually suffering from insomnia, but I'm just having trouble going to sleep. I find the atmosphere at night too precious to go to sleep. It's the best time to be alive, when I'm all alone in my room, knowing everybody is asleep and I can just let myself go, lost in thoughts without anybody there to disturbe me...
It is also the best time to read! And while reading, dream...
I just love reading and the book I'm reading now is really really really addictive...
It's title is 'Second Chance' by Jane Green and I can't put the book down once I opened it.
Another reason why I love those moments is because I might not get the chance to enjoy it anymore in the future, when I can't wake up at any hour in the day as I like...
That is why these moments are so precious to me.
Ok...
SO thats all you guys need to know bout my blog title this year...
I'm a dreamer and I love being alive during the night aspeacially when it's raining...
By the way,
Lexi Isabella Ferrari...
Thats my German name combined with my Italian name...
I believe in fate and fate has given me this name...
German: Lexi Isabella
Itallian: Isabella Ferrari
German+Itallian= Lexi Isabella Ferrari
I got those names from blothings but I swear I only did it once to obtain those names. I was so shock when I saw the connection and what r the odds of me getting the name Ferrari? I guess I am destined to be a Ferrari fan after all! HAHA!!!
I wonder how long I have been gone...
Well, not gone from this world of course but gone from this web...
Why do I keep thinking I was gone and now back again???
Where did I go to?
OK, forget it... I'm talking nonsense again.
I guess I just don't really know how to start writing this post.
Why Insomniac Dreamer?
Thats my new theme lol.
I'm not actually suffering from insomnia, but I'm just having trouble going to sleep. I find the atmosphere at night too precious to go to sleep. It's the best time to be alive, when I'm all alone in my room, knowing everybody is asleep and I can just let myself go, lost in thoughts without anybody there to disturbe me...
It is also the best time to read! And while reading, dream...
I just love reading and the book I'm reading now is really really really addictive...
It's title is 'Second Chance' by Jane Green and I can't put the book down once I opened it.
Another reason why I love those moments is because I might not get the chance to enjoy it anymore in the future, when I can't wake up at any hour in the day as I like...
That is why these moments are so precious to me.
Ok...
SO thats all you guys need to know bout my blog title this year...
I'm a dreamer and I love being alive during the night aspeacially when it's raining...
By the way,
Lexi Isabella Ferrari...
Thats my German name combined with my Italian name...
I believe in fate and fate has given me this name...
German: Lexi Isabella
Itallian: Isabella Ferrari
German+Itallian= Lexi Isabella Ferrari
I got those names from blothings but I swear I only did it once to obtain those names. I was so shock when I saw the connection and what r the odds of me getting the name Ferrari? I guess I am destined to be a Ferrari fan after all! HAHA!!!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
The Predictable Disaster!
Ooooo... Fireworks... The Chinese are celebrating 'Pai T Kong' Prayers. OMG I think I just saw something supernatural when I was outside enjoying the fireworks...
OK... Back to the topic...
This is done by request from a friend of mine who had to share my horrible experience hosting a party that ended up as a complete mortifying disaster! This is for u and I know u know who u r...
On the 31st of January? My family did an open house. It was planned weeks earlier but I, being irresponsible and lazy, didn't bother to plan ahead... That was one mistake already... My mum kept asking me about the guest that I was inviting and I kept delaying the guest list. Three days b4 the open house, I got in touch with my friend(U know who u r) and asked for her help in inviting my classmates to the occasion. She did a wonderful job but can't really assure me that more than 5 people would be coming since most of them were working and don't even know where my house was. She told me not to worry but ask bout the party plans. Was is a BBQ or Steamboat. My mum only planned it to be a simple dinner but teenagers won't find any fun in that of course... So, I told her that Steamboat will be perfect.
I thought I can persuade my mum to allow me to plan a BBQ or Steamboat but I failed again n again n again cause my mum needed confirmation on how many people were coming. BUT I CAN'T GET F***ING CONFIRMATION!!!!! So I didn't tell my friend that there wasn't any Steamboat cause the invites were sent and I didn't wanna prove her right lol. She had said I will always plan something and last minute cancel. DAMN! How right she was... That was mistake num 2 lol.
Finally, the day arrives...
I kinda spend hours fixing my hair and trying on cloths...
I ended up looking too formal but I liked my look...
It was kinda sophisticated and punk...
First to show was my weird emotionless maybe best friend.
Next was my friend who had did the invitations...
Then came my friend who had to go back to NS the next day...
When I told my friend who did the invites that there wasn't any steamboat or even a BBQ, we can only hope the others won't show. (I don't know what the others will think if they knew we had hope they never showed...) Worst than that, I still can't convince my mum to agree with the BBQ plan cause I still can't confirm the arrival of the guests...
As we waited outside for the so called guests to arrive, the weather was getting stormier and it started to rain... One of the female guest was lost and I had to guide her to my house... That was when the embarrassment started. When she passed the phone to the driver, it was a male voice. I thought it was her father la so I called him uncle... To my horror, his reply was, "Uncle? I'm the brother la." Oops! I was so horrible in giving directions that I had to pass the phone to my mum.
That was that. Then, there was this technically uninvited(invited by the person who was invited) guest that me and my friend(who did the invitation) didn't want him to come. We kept saying how terrible the situation will get if he would show up some how. It was so funny when we saw a white car pull up in front of the house, which we thought was the female friend's car but turn out to be his car. I ran to the gate with the umbrella expecting her but got a shock when 'He' ran out of the car n into the house in a very macho and cool manner. I could hear my friend laughing out loud at the sight of him and I was doing funny hand gestures indicating how ironic the situation was behind his back.
The day got worst n worst when more of my friends show up. My mum blamed me for not planning earlier, my dad had to go out to buy ingredients for the last minute BBQ n all I could do was walk in n out of my house like a mad person... My parent's guests all had to leave early when there was nobody to entertain them. I myself was a horrible host and couldn't even entertain or strike a conversation with my own guest... I was so dam bloody shy again!
There was another embarrassing part but I'm too lazy to write it down, so I'm gonna cut to the scene requested by my friend...
My guests were outside talking and secretly whispering bout how things were going so slow n if my dad knew how to start a fire for the BBQ... As if that was not embarrassing enough, my bloody idiot shitting dog had to make things bad to worst for me. Johnny, my RM400++ good for nothing dachshund did a big business near the BBQ area and made me look like a stupid ARSE when I had to rake his poo up in front of my guests...
WOW... I write so long de... Better stop! HEE... In conclusion, it was a disaster! End of story. lol
OK... Back to the topic...
This is done by request from a friend of mine who had to share my horrible experience hosting a party that ended up as a complete mortifying disaster! This is for u and I know u know who u r...
On the 31st of January? My family did an open house. It was planned weeks earlier but I, being irresponsible and lazy, didn't bother to plan ahead... That was one mistake already... My mum kept asking me about the guest that I was inviting and I kept delaying the guest list. Three days b4 the open house, I got in touch with my friend(U know who u r) and asked for her help in inviting my classmates to the occasion. She did a wonderful job but can't really assure me that more than 5 people would be coming since most of them were working and don't even know where my house was. She told me not to worry but ask bout the party plans. Was is a BBQ or Steamboat. My mum only planned it to be a simple dinner but teenagers won't find any fun in that of course... So, I told her that Steamboat will be perfect.
I thought I can persuade my mum to allow me to plan a BBQ or Steamboat but I failed again n again n again cause my mum needed confirmation on how many people were coming. BUT I CAN'T GET F***ING CONFIRMATION!!!!! So I didn't tell my friend that there wasn't any Steamboat cause the invites were sent and I didn't wanna prove her right lol. She had said I will always plan something and last minute cancel. DAMN! How right she was... That was mistake num 2 lol.
Finally, the day arrives...
I kinda spend hours fixing my hair and trying on cloths...
I ended up looking too formal but I liked my look...
It was kinda sophisticated and punk...
First to show was my weird emotionless maybe best friend.
Next was my friend who had did the invitations...
Then came my friend who had to go back to NS the next day...
When I told my friend who did the invites that there wasn't any steamboat or even a BBQ, we can only hope the others won't show. (I don't know what the others will think if they knew we had hope they never showed...) Worst than that, I still can't convince my mum to agree with the BBQ plan cause I still can't confirm the arrival of the guests...
As we waited outside for the so called guests to arrive, the weather was getting stormier and it started to rain... One of the female guest was lost and I had to guide her to my house... That was when the embarrassment started. When she passed the phone to the driver, it was a male voice. I thought it was her father la so I called him uncle... To my horror, his reply was, "Uncle? I'm the brother la." Oops! I was so horrible in giving directions that I had to pass the phone to my mum.
That was that. Then, there was this technically uninvited(invited by the person who was invited) guest that me and my friend(who did the invitation) didn't want him to come. We kept saying how terrible the situation will get if he would show up some how. It was so funny when we saw a white car pull up in front of the house, which we thought was the female friend's car but turn out to be his car. I ran to the gate with the umbrella expecting her but got a shock when 'He' ran out of the car n into the house in a very macho and cool manner. I could hear my friend laughing out loud at the sight of him and I was doing funny hand gestures indicating how ironic the situation was behind his back.
The day got worst n worst when more of my friends show up. My mum blamed me for not planning earlier, my dad had to go out to buy ingredients for the last minute BBQ n all I could do was walk in n out of my house like a mad person... My parent's guests all had to leave early when there was nobody to entertain them. I myself was a horrible host and couldn't even entertain or strike a conversation with my own guest... I was so dam bloody shy again!
There was another embarrassing part but I'm too lazy to write it down, so I'm gonna cut to the scene requested by my friend...
My guests were outside talking and secretly whispering bout how things were going so slow n if my dad knew how to start a fire for the BBQ... As if that was not embarrassing enough, my bloody idiot shitting dog had to make things bad to worst for me. Johnny, my RM400++ good for nothing dachshund did a big business near the BBQ area and made me look like a stupid ARSE when I had to rake his poo up in front of my guests...
WOW... I write so long de... Better stop! HEE... In conclusion, it was a disaster! End of story. lol
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