Awakening...

It just occur to me that, my sleepless nights are often caused by my thoughts. I just have to write it all down before I regret it as I will soon forget about the things that I just thought of that are important to me. Okay, it's complicated and I'm not one that is good at explanations, so bare with me...

It's been a long time since I had a nice flowing conversation with anyone at all. In this case, my best friend. However, today she seem to be in the mood to talk. She called me and I was expecting for the long awkward silences to just make me come up with stupid excuses to just end the conversation, but it didn't happen tonight. Instead, we just kept on talking and our conversations were just like the ones we had during the first few years of our friendship.

These days she just kept going on about her bf and problems which really annoyed me cause I was starting to get tired of it. Our usually conversations are often about boys, relationships, religious issues, children, family and all sorts of funny and interesting stuffs that can go on and on and on. Having to talk about those things to her again truly opened my eyes and made me realise about the things that were bugging me... The reason for my aggressive behaviour, moody expressions and being lost in my depression...

Of course I can't write it down in my blog. It's too personal and it's mainly due to the fact that the problem lies in my family. Now I realise why teenagers act the way they should not, when their main problem is raised by family troubles. I never thought I would go through it, but it seems that every teenager will face such problems even though it may be their last year as one. Heck, I'm bloody 19... Once I turn 20, I have no idea what problems I'd have to face as an adult... I can't be acting like a teen anymore...

One thing I can tell is, I think my parents can't feel that I love them. Can't blame them for that cause the way I lash out at them and the way I talk is straightforward, insensitive and often cold. Other than that, I'm always searching for something or someone that I can love. For example, a band, hobby, role model, pet and even any guy. Which reminds me of a dream I had 5 years back. It was this dream that I remembered today that made me realise my hypothesis about my parents.

5 years ago, I started to fall in love with music. Not the music my parents wanted me to like, but really rock, punk, dark and really loud music. They never encountered this problem with my sister, and I think they saw evil in me. I was and am a problematic person till this day and I think they are getting tired with it. OK, back to the story... I went crazy fanatic over Simple Plan, Good Charlotte and Green Day. I was crazy in love with Good Charlotte's singer, Joel Madden that time, and he had all this tattoos and dark image. I just can't resist that darkness in people, and this guy has a twin brother! How cool is that!

The dream that I had, included my Mum, sister and Good Charlotte. I think this dream happened during that time I won tickets to Good Charlotte's live concert in Malaysia which I couldn't attend thanks to my parents. In the dream, I was having a party at my house. The party guest were mostly people that I really don't know, but Good Charlotte was there. Joel, Benji, Chris and Billy. I think it was the end of the party when everyone left, I was alone with Joel. I told him that I loved him and was willing to do just anything for him. He just looked at me and said, and I quote,

"Love your parents first, then only you can love me.".

Stubborn as usual, I said to him that I already love my parents enough to love him and he just smiled at me. I walked towards my parents bedroom and my mum and sis was in there. I crashed onto the bed and started begging them to allow me to go to GC's concert.

That's the only thing I remembered of that dream. It's amazing how I could remember it till this day. Of course I don't love Joel anymore after his stupid decision to be with Nicole Richie... However, I still have a thing for twins and still can't believe it that my first official bf happened to have a twin brother... Sad truth is, and this is my quote, so I quote...

"People always want things that they can't have but in the end, can't appreciate
the things that they already have..."

Okay, that just came out from nowhere... My deepness seems to amazes me every time...

Someone criticised me by saying that I'm like a child that like to put on adult clothes and act like a grown up... Well, I think it's better to act mature instead of being an absolute immature fool.

Hence, tonight's conclusion from my insomniac dreaming is... I have really really really troubling issues that I just can't fix yet. A solution have to be planed out and put into action before everything starts falling apart. First, I have to finish my final theory exams the best I could and only then start thinking of ways to solving my problems.

Life of an Insomniac Dreamer... -Dealing with Depression-

Yet again I have been hit by insomnia... Thought it's not serious, but for a 19 year old to suffer from this in a weekly basis, it's really disturbing. I'm an insomniac dreamer cause I often dream even though I'm wide awake. True, if you call that day dreaming, but whenever I'm hit by Insomnia... I seem to channel into my subconscious mind, trying to know myself better. I believe our dreams that we have when we are sleeping or in a state of subconscious reflects on our past history, memories and maybe project what we predict or hope for in the future. Alright, it's still consider as day dreaming... What can I say, I'm a dreamer... Therefore, an Insomniac Dreamer...

Insomnia usually hits me when I'm depressed, lonely, worried and just can't stop thinking. That is why I project the scenes of the past I remember, play out scenes from my memories and also scenarios that could take place in my future... It's how I reflect on myself I guess and in a good way, Insomnia seems to help cause during the night is the only time that I am truly alone and is able to let myself be vulnerable. However, it also reminds me of extreme loneliness which really sucks.

I'm a loner by nature but I crave for love and attention too. I know... It's really selfish of me. Actually, to tell you the truth... I don't know what I want and what I need. I only know that not getting what I want and what I need will truly suck and make me even more depressed. Don't all of us feel that way? It's just the way I self critic myself about this things that make me very pissed off... I know setting goals are one way to motivating our self to get what we want and what we need. It's just that, I'm a very sensitive person and the people around me affects me in many different way.

Being misunderstood and treated as if I'm such a moron that can't think what is right for me and that being depressed is really bad for me, is not really helping... Can't blame them thought cause I don't communicate much and they don't really have time to be my psychiatrist. My advice to those that want to help someone who is depressed is, never advice anyone who is depressed. It's as simple as that! So, rule number one is, NEVER ADVICE THE DEPRESSED!!!

First, listen to them and try to understand what they are feeling as well as what they are going through... If they seem to stay silent in their room, avoid small talk and are not acting their usual happy selves, you may think they just want to be left alone. It's something I like to call 'Lock down' where I just want to lock myself out from everything and not feel anything at all.

It's how I protect myself from further abuse in the form of words, critics and judgement. During 'Lock down', the depressed would find somewhere that they can be alone, usually in our room where we would just loose ourselves in thought. Most will think that we just want to be alone and not talk to anyone. Actually, it is true for the first 10-15 minutes, but after that, all they want is for someone they love to listen to their complaints and hopefully understand what they are going through. Which brings me to rule number two... NEVER ASSUME AND ACT AS IF YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!!!

When we pour all our feelings out to you, we are actually at the most vulnerable position ever. That is why, quote:

"You don't understand me and you never will. So don't start that shit 'bout knowing' how I feel."


It really pisses me off when people that want me to feel better when I'm depressed act all GOD in front of me. As if they know every f'king thing about life and make you feel like a total moron! I don't even think God would even do such a thing cause he would know how to enlighten the depressed with his kind and thoughtfulness. This leads to rule number three... ONLY GOD CAN ADVICE THE DEPRESSED!!!

After listening to what the depressed had to say, don't say anything... If they seem to need a hug or someone to hold them, just do it... It is very important to calm them down and let them release all their worries and problems that they are facing. Ask them nicely to just put all their trust in you and tell them to seek advice from God. They may seem reluctant at first, but the depressed is willing to do whatever to seek forgiveness and just get out from being depressed. Heck! People always assume that people who are depressed wants to stay that way forever cause they enjoy it more than being happy. It's really annoying! All we want is to be understood!

I believe that there is a God. To earn the trust of the depressed that you are dealing with, you have to take the lead and be a good leader. Like I mentioned before, we are at our most vulnerable position and taking advantage of us would make things far more worst. We already entrust you with our life by opening up to you, so your next move could actually kill us. Remember, betrayal is our worst enemy. We don't want stupid, crappy advice from you, we need good caring instructions. If the matter can be solved, just suggest them on what to do and if their request is reasonable, just go with it. If you have no idea on how to solve their problem, just tell them to close their eyes, try to talk to God, and trust themselves once you leave their room. Just give them a comforting smile and leave...

To be clear, it may not work on everybody of course cause these are just my opinions. I'm not a psychiatrist, or a counselor but I am a teenager that is going through depression. We are the ones that have to face today's society and things have changed throughout the years. You may think you know the Hell that we are going through because you have been through that period a few years ago, but it is never the same. I remember a quote from my best friend's dad and it is...

"The only thing in life that is permanent is change."

Well, morning is here and life goes on one way or another... Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight. Please rate and comment... Maybe share a few of your depressed quotes or stories with me... :)

For the depressed, I can only suggest you one thing... When you feel like giving up, all hope is gone and could only resort to one thing which is to end your f'king misery... Just listen to more of Good Charlotte, Simple Plan or whatever music that you are willing to live for. Songs like GC's 'Hold On', SP's 'Perfect', 'Shut Up', 'Untitled' and 'Welcome to my life' has truly saved me a few times during my secondary life. It reminds me that, there are people out there that actually cares about those that are depressed and want them to keep holding on. Today, I live to listen to Muse... I am willing to go through whatever hell just to keep listening to their songs and hopefully meet them one day. I know most of you guys have done the same, so tell me what music you guys like to listen too. Therefore, before I end this post... Remember, I am here and I believe all of you who are depressed out there... I believe you guys can go through this and keep holding on cause I believe in you guys... Peace out... ;p

If only life is fair... -Goodbyes-

Sorry for the long absent again... I've been just caught up with work and a lot of melodramatics. Here is the last installment of the "If only life is fair" series of post... Enjoy...

It was not long before I had to say goodbye to each of my friends that I had made during my third semester in KDU College Penang. My college life still sucks as bad as my previous semesters but the conditions of my hostel life was wonderful.

In April, we celebrated two birthdays. Hooi Ling on the 12th and Haliunaa on the 15th. We celebrated Hooi Ling's in Gurney plaza with a 3D Movie titled "How to Train Your Dragon". A highly anticipated movie and I was so excited till I messed up the sitting arrangements. We kept sitting at the wrong row of seats and had to change rows and seats like 3 times at least. Haha!!! I bought a cake for her and the party continued back in the Hostel. Ok... I know I look ugly in that pic but the memory will always be beautiful...

I think we are sitting in the right row of seat this time and what a better way to apologize by asking that person to take a pic of us. Haha!

We brought the party back to the hostel! I think there is a ghost behind Ling. Hahahaha!!!

Next was Haliunaa's turn to celebrate her birthday, but because it's her first time celebrating it in Malaysia and Penang itself, we just had to go all out and make it as memorable as possible for her. The story is in my previous post, so I'm just gonna link it...

3B's... Birthday, Beach and the Best day EVER!!!

http://punkdogsvp711rvp.blogspot.com/2010/04/3bs-birthday-beach-and-best-day-ever.html

Magical Night at the Beach...

http://punkdogsvp711rvp.blogspot.com/2010/04/magical-night-at-beach.html

Sadly, those were the last wonderful time we had together cause it was time to say goodbye from one person to the other. First person to leave was Huei. Next was Nicole and during that last day with Nicole, we had another trip to Ferringhi but it wasn't as wonderfull as the time we had there during Haliunaa's b'day... Only Hooi Ling, Nicole, Haliunaa, another housemate of ours, and I went.

After Nicole, it was Javka. Soon, it was time for Haliunaa to go back to Mongolia and it was sad to see her leave. We had to have a farewell party in the hostel filled with games and funny funny things which everyone enjoyed. Haliunaa once caught me playing the guitar and I promised her that I would play a song for her. Hence, on that night, I played and sang Muse's 'Undisclosed Desires' and it was the first time I ever sang and played the guitar for someone. It wasn't smooth and I kept doing a lot of mistakes but with more practice, I could have perfected it.

When it got really late, we decided to call it a night and head to sleep but a few minutes after that, the whole building lost electricity and everything was pitch black. That is when we decided that the party must go on! One thing led to another, and lets just say things got out of control at one point. We played so many stupid games and I got into very awkward situations with both of the twins. Lol.

In the morning, it was time to see Haliunaa get on the Taxi and start her long journey back to her birth place, Mongolia. We hugged, hid some tears away and promised each other that distance will never destroy our friendship. No doubt it was sad, but her four months in Malaysia will be remembered by all of us.

After Haliunaa's departure, I got to know the twins better and got too close to one of them. I never in a million years would have thought that my first ever official relationship would be with a Mongolian. Seriously, I never thought of it. However, just like the title of my series of post, life is never fair. It was a bittersweet relationship which both of us realize would end one way or another.

I could only remember 3 scenes where I had to cross the straits of Melacca that divides Penang from the mainland with tears in my eyes. First was during a car ride I had crossing the sea by the Penang bridge. I was going back to my grandmother's house at midnight after my grandfather's funeral procession. I did it very silently, lying down on the back seat. That was the night I decided never to shed another tear during my grandfather's funeral cause he would not like to see his beloved family members sad. Second time was during a ferry ride I had to take with my parents to Penang. I was having college troubles with my classmates and wasn't looking forward to going back to that sad place. My Mum started scolding me with some shit and I lost it. I really felt like jumping off the ferry ending my misery.

The last scene was the day the twins left Malaysia. That was the moment I felt truly alone because they were leaving and the girls at the hostel were not in good terms with me, even Hooi Ling. The journey back to Taiping was the longest one I ever had and the loneliest one too.

Well, that is the end. I know... Where is the happy ending right. Sadly, there is no happy ending to this series of post... just wonderful memories that would stay with me till my last day. Even if that day were to end my story in a sad ending, but by looking back on those happy times I had shared with the people I love, it's good enough for me... Reminds me of one of My Chemical Romance song that had this lyric...

"I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene..."

So, that's how I'm gonna end this post... Thanks for reading... :)

If only life is fair... -Double Trouble-

It's not long before I got to see double. Yup, it's time to bring in the twins into this story cause every story needs a guy in it, but this is better cause the guy happen to have a twin brother.

Usually, Haliunaa, Hooi Ling, Nicole and I would always go to college together on the shuttle bus together in the morning for our morning classes. We would always arrive 15 minutes early to college and just spend that time talking in front of their English class since I and Hooi Ling had nothing better to do in the morning. It was still that period of time where Hooi Ling and Haliunaa kept teasing Nicole with the twins. I'm curious to see them and so was Hooi Ling but the boys weren't there till the last minute. We were leaving for our class and Haliunaa pointed out the boys. They were climbing up the stairs and cause I was rushing for time since I didn't like to be late for classes, I only noticed one of them. His name is Bayarbatar but call him Baadai, same age as I, wearing white with a red checkered shirt on top, short trimmed hair and kind of cute. Oh yeah, and he had piercings in his ear. How cool is that? Maybe I had glaced a moment at the brother, but I just can't remember and I didn't dare to stare at them for more than a second cause I wouldn't wanna be caught staring. The twin brother, his name is Bayarbat and we know him as Badu. Haliunaa asked my opinion on how they looked and I said, not bad. Haha! They were cute but still average looking and common. Lol.

It wasn't hard to differentiate the two apart. One had really short and trimmed hair and the other normal with a slight faux hawk hairstyle. Besides, one likes to wear black and the other is always seen wearing white. How cute is that? Their face is also different but I just can't figure out what the difference is. No doubt they look really alike since they were twins, but there was a feature in their face that made them look different. I guess I'll never figure it out cause till today, I just can't figure it out. Haha...

Then, came the day Haliunaa wanted to introduce I and Hooi Ling to the twins. We planed to eat at some Mamak shop the twins wanted to bring Haliunaa to, which the twins thought was an Indian shop. I had to work in the I-lab that day and Hooi Ling accompanied me while I was working. Sudenly, one of the twins came in and I just couldn't help smiling cause I knew him but he didnt know me and he had no idea that we were about to eat lunch together very soon. Ironic right. It was hard comtrolling my facial expressions and Hooi Ling was like telling me about the ironic information. That was the first time I had clear sight of him and the irony continues when I had to help him with the printer thing. Stupid Queueserver thing! Thank God I don't have to deal with that problem anymore today since they upgraded the server. I acted as if he was just another student and wanted to do something funny, but of course I didn't. Haha. He left after he printed his assignments.

Haliunaa and Nicole was waiting outside and after I finished my shift, went to meet up with them. It seems that we will meet up with the other twin which was Baadai downstairs and wait for Badu before going down. He must be handing in his recently printed assignment and when he was walking towards us, I just didn't know where to look at. He was suprised of course and we introduced each other. We didn't shake hands or anything, just acknowledged each other and I guess we were all shy accept for Haliunaa of course. I notice that Badu is kind of shy and a little bit more to himself kind of person. Quiet and reserved. When we met Baadai downstairs, the way he greeted us was totally different and that was when I noticed how different their personalities was. Baadai was cheerful, friendly and had the joyous smile I've ever seen. I was shy and just said a simple hi to him. I think he noticed that and just smiled at me. Hooi Ling on the other hand, got a hand shake with him. Haha! She was suprised and all shy about it. Lol.

We walked and we walked till we reached the shop. It wasn't easy to feel comfortable with them cause everthing felt so awkward and funny in a way, but I still tried to be friendly and just smile. They did asked me some funny questions and I felt happy to answer those questions eventhough they had no idea what the hell I was talking about. Haliunaa had to translate everything and most of the conversation was between themselves which was really interesting to me. I love listening to people communicating in their own language eventhough I have no clue whatsoever what they are talking about. For me, it's just so interesting. Even sign language is fun to watch.

I guess the friendship started when the boys moved into the same building as us. we lived in the fifth floor and they moved into the eight floor. Their first visit, it was still all awkward and silent. I remember I, Hooi Ling and Haliunaa just came back from watching Alice in Wonderland 3D that day. Nicole, Huei and the other girls went back to their hometown as usuall. First it was Baadai who came cause Badu was still on his way. I and Hooi Ling was so shy that we kept hiding in our room and Haliunaa kept asking us to come out to socialise. It was so funny the way I and Hooi Ling were trying to pluck up enough courage to go out there. When we came out, both the twins were there and we decided to play some card games. That was then ice was broken and we finaly felt comfortable with each other. It was the first time I saw Badu open up, be cheerful and enthusiastic. We had fun playing cards and laughed at the silly moments during a snap game. I was so bad in that game cause I'm still not comfortable touching anybody's hand aspeacially boys. Shocking for those who knew me during Primary school I know, but being in an all girl school can change a person dramaticly. We even talked about movies that night and If I'm not mistaken, we did watched 'Meet the Fockers' that night.

Not long after that, they visited our hostel weekly and kept playing cards. Baadai is such a player and all he wants to do is win, win and win. Most of the time, it's always Baadai who come down to play regardless the time and Badu will only join us sometimes. There are times I feel like going back to those days and relive the moments. I trully miss those times and could never forget it no matter how hard I try cause those moments are just to wonderful to forget.

I know most who read, if anybody does read this must be wondering who is 'The Guy' in the story... Well, for Haliunaa it's a different guy. A friend of the twins which I would tell in the continuation of this series of post. For me, I never thought 'The guy' in my story will happen to be one of the twins, cause I've never really seem to be interested in any one of them, but everything changed after that thaks to one beautiful, almost magical and panoramic night I will never ever forget for my whole entire life.

If only life is fair... -Really Good Times-

During the Chinese New Year, I invited Haliunaa to celebrate the celebrations together, from Butterworth, Penang to my home in Taiping, Perak. I wanted her to experience the culture and what Chinese New Year is all about here in Malaysia. During her time in Taiping, we went to the Taiping Museum and visited the zoo with Hema, Hooi Ling and her sister. Hooi Ling just had to loose her purse at the zoo. Haizz...
The best part was the open house I had at my home for the festivities. Hooi Ling and her family was there, Hema and her family was there and Johnny was wearing his new chinese Sam Foo... Haha! He looked so amazingly cute and adorable. It was my dad's birthday too and we all did a stupid suprise for him. Haha! The fan was on and the candles went off. It was so hillarious!

The time we had in Taiping was fun of course, but we had to go back to Penang and the fun continued there. I can't remember what occasion was it, but I could only remember one thing. Well, two actually... Pizza and Alcohol. Hahahahahaha.... It was a girls's night at the hostel(Shh... Can't bring alcohol into the hostel lol). We had 2 cans of Carlsberg, 2 bottles of Vodca and one bottle of red wine. Total percentage of Alcohol combined, I guess it must have been 40% at least. We played 'Truth or Dare' and could not stop laughing our ass off. I will never ever forget about that night cause I was the only one brave enough to choose dare since everyone kept sticking with truth. No fun it all we do is tell the truth... Lol, so in the end, I was the craziest girl that night. Not drunk, but crazy. Haha!

Before that night, we had another outing together, the 5 of us. I guess it was the last outing we had with Huei cause the rest of the outing was without her. We went to Queensbay and just being funny, I suggested to have our dinner in T-Bowl. A toilet concept restaurant serving really delicious chinese and western food. Haliunaa was kind of grossed out with the concept of the restaurant, but in the end she still enjoyed the whole experienced. Hooi Ling wanted to taste the Poo Ice cream. Haha! Thank goodness she didn't cause if she did, I would have a hard time controlling my laughter. After that, we decided to take photos together in the picture booth. I was so excited cause I've never taken pictures with friends in a picture booth before and I was so noob about it. We went into the booth, and that is when all hell broke loose. The shop keeper must have thought we were a bunch of lunatics cause we couldn't stop laughing in histerics... It was so hillarious and I think that was the happiest moment I ever had in my 18 years of life! The pictures came out beautiful and each of us had two to keep. I'll never forget about the way we laughed in that small crammed photo booth. Trully the best!

If only life is fair... -Good Times-

What happened that first month of year 2010 is something almost close to magical. I know it might sound stupid, but the four months we were going to have together was something beyond what we all expected. The first few days, no doubt Haliunaa was close to her roommates Huei and Nicole aspeacially Nicole since they were both in the same course and are studying in the same class. Roommates and classmates, sounds really comfortable when you came all the way from another country all alone and you don't really know anybody. Hooi Ling had no problem socializing and knows how to speak mandarin, so it was easier for her to befriend Nicole and Huei. I didn't know how to socialize and had to force myself to be more talkative but everything that came out from my mouth was either stupid questions or just total nonsense. However, they didn't seem to mind it that much compared to my classmates in college that allienate me because I'm different.

Then, came the night where Huei decided to bring Haliunaa to do some evening sigh seeing along with Nicole. No doubt I felt left out for not being included in the party at first, but it would be so inappropriate to ask to be included in an event where you are clearly not wanted. Furthermore, it was Huei's bf who was driving and it won't be that nice to suprise him with the last minute additional members. One thing led to another, Huei's bf did get suprised with the additional members and we went to Gurney drive.

We took pictures, talked and just sat on the devider that acted as a wall seperating the road from the sea. The sound of the waves crashing onto the rocks was mindblowing and very captivating. The waves seem to crash into your inner mind and take along all the pain back to the sea. We hung around there for a very long time and decided to go to another place that is similar when it was time to go. We went there and had loads of fun! We took more pictures together and even had a trishaw ride around the place. We only know each other for barely a week and we are already out having fun together, something I have never experienced before during my college life.

During the first weekend, Nicole and Huei went back to their hometown. I and Hooi Ling usually stay for the weekends since the journey back to Taiping won't be worth it if its just for 2 days, so during that weekend, we took Haliunaa to Prangin Mall. It was the first time she took the Rapid bus and we took few pictures in the bus. It was fun shopping except for the part where Haliunaa likes to dissapear into thin air and get me worrying. Haha...

Weeks pass and our friendship grew stronger. Haliunaa and Nicole seem to always mention about their mongolian classmates who happend to be twins. I didn't give much thought about them but curious to know how this twins looked like cause I'm always interested to see how similar two person can be since they literally share the same DNA in their body.

Our next big outing was withough Huei because it she went back for the weekend but Nicole decided to stay since she was excited to watch AVATAR in Gurney. I've already seen it in Taiping but I wanted to watch it in 3D. Sadly, there was only 2 tickets left and Hooi Ling and I decided it's best if Nicole and Haliunaa had those tickets since both of them havent watched the movie yet. During that 2 hours, I and Hooi Ling played at the arcade and it was my first time since so many years I played in the arcade, therefore we still had loads of fun eventhough we didn't get to watch the movie. It was near Chinese New Year that time, and Gurney PLaza had this huge stage as a decoration. We took some pistures together and hung around gurney drive where I met a cute little dauchshund named Candy. Took some more pictures and it was time for us to go.

If only life is fair... -The beginning-

The Insomniac dreamer is back and here lies the birth of another post by the creature of the night. I'm sure everyone knows and agrees that life on planet earth is never fair cause nothing is ever perfect and justice will never be served. There will always be evil in this world and good to counter the evil. Life is always full of ups and downs, like a roller coaster ride that can end up like final destination 4.

If only life is fair, I won't be feeling this hopeless and lost tonight. Friends come and go, but never forgotten. Therefore, I will never ever forget about the good times I had with my first international friends. I remember the first time I met Haliunaa... It was the start of my 3rd semester in college and on one memorable night in the hostel, we had our first international student that will stay in our hostel. I was so excited about it when I heard about it through Miss Dayana in facebook and I was waiting to open the door and welcome her. Two new girls already came in and I was so shy to talk to them since they were chinese educated and I can't speak Mandarin. I noticed Nicole was shy too and we just smiled at each other whenever we saw each other.

When I opened the door, I smiled at the new girl but she wasn't looking my way, so when she entered and pass me, I just smile again and say hi. I think I must have scared her there because that friendliness came out too enthusiastic and it must have seem really fake. She was only planning to stay in the hostel for a week. I don't know where I got the courage from that night to actually hold a house meeting. No doubt my housemates saw the bossy side of me that night which was something they have never expected to see coming out from me cause I'm always so timid and shy, but I had to do it since I want it to be a new begining. I had everyone introduce themselves and I had to clearify the rules of the house. Halfway through the meeting, I noticed that the new girl looked really anxious, so I dissmised her politely by saying she must have a long and tiring journey all the way from Mongolia and let her freshen up and settle in. Stupid SSD didn't give her a pillow and bedsheet, so I borrowed her a bedsheet along with an extra blanket I have and Hooi Ling borrowed her an extra pillow she had. It was that night our beautiful friendship began. Ice was broken and everyone seems to be comfortable with each other. The other chinese girl, Huei didn't come back till really late, so we didn't really get the chance to know her yet but after we did, we were a family.

Magical Night at the Beach...

Watching the sunset at the beach... I never thought I could be there actually watching it happen! The wonderful part is watching it with my friends while walking along the shore with my sandals off. The feeling of the sticky sand along with the twilight atmosphere... It was simply beautiful... Badu said it was just like the movies when I was telling him how beautiful the sunset was... It was! Exactly just like the movies... I felt as if I was trully in a movie! Haha...

I never thought it could be that beautiful. I've been looking at pictures of the sunset at Batu Ferringhi in the internet during my research on my menu planning assignment and was amazed with the pictures of the sunset but I thought it would not be that beautiful watching it in real life. Now I know why Hema said she loved the beach so much! It was very romantic, fun and almost magical.

A few times I let my mind drift off with the lapping sea, taking me and all my worries further and further away from everything real...

All that was before I was drunk... Actually I just drank to be polite at first cause I'm not used to drinking... I finished my first bottle and my heart was pumping so hard and fast... When Badu asked me to tell him a joke, OMG! I could feel my whole body went hot aspeacially my face... My face was burning red and hot! I knew I would sound stupid telling him a joke cause I don't have any good ones. Therefore, I was bloody embarressed which caused that horrible reaction...

When I finished my first bottle of Heineken, I already started to feel a lil sleepy and slightly dizzy... There is just no way I could drink anymore, but Bade had other plans for me... He offered me a Tiger and thought I refused to accept it so many times, I finally gave in and drank it. Another part of me wanted to drink just out of curiosity cause I wanted to know what was the difference of taste between Tiger and Heineken. In conclusion, I will never know what the difference is cause all I can make out is the taste of alcohol...

Halfway through my bottle, everyone started to head to the beach. I took my bottle of Tiger with me and sat there on the beach. There were stars for a moment but all of them vanished due to the clouds... I never felt so alive and happy before... I swear I wasn't drunk cause I could still think straight... It was so comfortable sitting on the sand, looking at the sky and listening to the sound of the soft lapping waves. Seriously, I never thought the sand would be so comfortable till burying my leg with sand felt really good. Sitting there and enjoying the moment, I now drank my bottle of Tiger with another reason... I drank because a thought suddenly came to interrupt my blissfull moment. When I finally finished my bottle of Tiger, I threw away all my stupid awkwardness, shyness and stupidity... Badu was beside me, so I talked to him. It was the first time I had a long conversation with him. Haha... It actually started when Haliunaa said at the bus stop, if I'm not mistaken that Badu wants to talk, so I talked to him in the bus on the way to the beach. Librans... Always so shy. Haha! Badu is kinda different from his twin brother Bade in a way... Badu is more like me in a way and Bade is kinda like Hema in a way... Haha! I guess Hema and I are kinda like twins.

I guess everyone had a great night at the beach! Bade had his hands full with Hooi Ling and Nicole... Lol... Lucky boy... Haliunaa and Javka were having a great time chatting with each other... Badu and I started a new friendship(I think)... Haha... I was too shy to talk to Javka, but I think with time, I can talk to him. Too bad he is going back to Mongolia...

All in all... I don't think any of us will ever forget that beautiful day at the beach... Aspeacially Haliunaa cause it was her Birthday!!!

3B's... Birthday, Beach and the Best day EVER!!!

I never thought having a headache could be so fun! Haha... Is it possible to say I'm drunk by saying I'm not drunk??? Seriously... Wait, does that even make any sense... WTH...

Today is my housemate's birthday. Her name is Haliunaa and she is from Mongolia. She came into the hostel during the January intake and our friendship started there... Things went really well today and I really love this feeling right now eventhough I'm having a bad headache now. The party consisted of Haliunaa(B'day girl), Hooi Ling, Nicole(Housemate), Javka(Mongolian fren), Bade and Badu(Mongolian twins).

First, we went to Gurney to catch a 4pm movie. The movie is 'When In Rome', a romantic comedy. We left for Gurney at 1.45pm and had a fabulous feast in Seoul Garden during the time we had before the movie. I never thought the food would taste that fantastic!!! During the movie, it reminded so much of myself. The night before this, I was laying on my bed and thinking of my 'would have been' relationships... Figured I'd never have a real relationship cause I've only look really stupid and dumb whenever I have a crush on a guy. So many times I made a fool of myself. Haizz... During some parts of the movie, really made me wanna cry and tears did escape... Haha... Was really a nice movie...

After the movie, we decided to catch a bus to Batu Ferringhi. We walked along the beach and search for the nearest Pub to get some drinks. What is a party without alcohol??? Hahaha... It was the first time being in Batu Ferringhi's beach. Wow! Now I really love the beach. It was absolutely beautiful! The sunset, people on jet skies and para-sailing... Absolutely wonderful! We walked along the beach and halfway, I saw a HORSE!!! OMG!!! I went speechless and Hooi Ling keep encouraging me to ride it! I can't believe it! It was my GREATEST DREAM of mine to ride a horse! It was only RM20 and I got to touch, take picture with the horse and have a ride along the beach. Truly a dream come true... :)

We reached the pub and ordered the drinks... I was convinced I would not drink that much beer cause I'm not good at drinking beer. However, I was put in a situation that I had to drink, so I tried a bottle of Heinneken. It tasted absolutely like alcohol. Ok... One bottle is enough! My body was boiling and my heart beat so fast and hard but, as soon as I finished my bottle of Heinneken, Bade offered me a bottle of Tiger. My God! I had to drink it of course cause one part of me was curious to know how it tasted. Somehow, I find both Tiger and Heinneken tasted absolutely like Alcohol. I can't find the difference eventhough Badu told me he prefer Tiger than Heinneken. Halfway through my Tiger Beer, it was time to cut the cake! WOO!!! After vanishing the cake, my world started to spin and I was convinced I am not drunk cause I still can think straight and walk in a straight line... I donno... Haha...

Since the Beach was just out there... I really wanted to be near the sea. It was wonderful! I really love the beach now. I guess thats the only wonderful thing about Penang. We sat, talked all night long and took random funny pictures together. This was my best memory in Penang EVER! Absolutely Wonderful!

In conclusion, I'm really happy I skipped all my classes for today to have this wonderful night filled with laughter and friendly love. Warm, fuzzy and Comfy... I can't believe I drank two bottles of beer till I still could taste the smell of alcohol in my mouth. Bloody hell! I got morning class tommorow at 8am and not its really late already. Hopefully I would be able to wake up at 6.45am and walk to college at 7.30am... one thing for sure is, I will never ever forget this wonderful night... Thank you Haliunaa... I would miss you dearly once you go back to Mongolia but our time here in Penang will never ever be forgotten... ;)

A day of never ending mistakes! (Short verion of the previous post)

Okay! Maybe the post I posted previously was too bloody long and confusing cause most of the things I wrote never really happened the way it happened. I just changed it a lil so that it matches the 'Amazing Race' concept. Here is how it really happened.

Date: 13.3.2010
I return to Penang on Friday (12.3.2010) just to sit for this stupid Pengajian Malaysia exam. I didn't really put that much effort into studying cause I've had always hated history. I was just hoping for a miracle to happen and somehow complete the exam without any problem. I think I did OK. I even finished it an hour and a half early. My good vibes in the examination hall was onced again blocked by a wall of rubbish that made my eyes sore...

KDU was having an open day for registeration for the new March intake. I had to wait for AK to finish her exam before we can start our journey back to Taiping, so I waited at the foyer. After half an hour, I decided to head up to the I-Lab and wait for her there. I went into my facebook as usual and watch Lady Gaga's new music video, telephone. When the vid finished loading, AK was already beside me so, we watched it together. Found it very interesting in a disgusting way... It was good thought...

After the vid, we went to the bus stop at Macalister Road for a bus to Komtar/Perangin Mall cause AK wanted to buy an external hard drive. We actually bought the bus tickets back to Taiping on Friday. We bought the 2.30pm bus which gives us a few hours to spend before we head back to Butterworth. At the bus stop, there was an old lady which looks like a crazy woman who was smoking tobako. Kinda afraid and hope the bus would arrive soon. Waited kinda long but during that time, I kept talking about cars and whats the difference of a Kenari and a Kancil...

Reaching Perangin, we ate at the place we regularly go and shoped around. I bought 4 DVDs and wanted to buy a computer game. I just can't decide how many and which game to buy. In the end, I was running out of time and decided to buy a Sherlock Holmes game which cost only RM10. I set a time limit and that was by 2.00pm, we had to leave Komtar. The thing that I forgot was that, the bus we were taking back to Taiping is in Butterworth! It's impossible to reach the bus terminal in Butterworth in half an hours time!!!

That was my first mistake! My second mistake which I realized later in the bus back to Taiping is that, I double payed that computer shop! When I picked a game, I was suppose to pay the guy RM10 first and wait 15 minutes for my game to arrive. When it arrived, I was rushing for time. I took the game and payed him RM10 again! OMG! Made me feel like a doush-bag! I already felt guilty for spending money on stupid things and I nearly cost both I and AK to miss the bus back to Taiping! I still feel that way today... Haizz...

2 mistakes down... FOr the 3rd mistake, there was no bus going to the jetty at Komtar's bus terminal! Here, I was panicking and couldn't think straight anymore... There and then, I decided to take a taxi to the jetty. We told the guy about our situation and he kept repeating his experience missing a bus and having to sleep at the bus station. He also kept saying that we will never reach the bus terminal in Butterworth on time no matter how lucky we were. He even reminded us to run when come out from the ferry, which I did... AK took her own sweet time walking out from the ferry cause if I were to reach the bus first(if its there), I would ask to wait for her... SO I reached and I couldn't find the bus. My mind was like 'OH SHIT!'...

Desperate, I went to ask the Counter lady if the bus has really left or not. There was a malay gurl there too and she asked the lady the same question I wanted to ask. I heard the counter lady say the bus wasn't here yet. I was like 'WHAT'!!!! I tap at the malay girl's shoulder but she totally ignored me (made me kinda cursed at her). I asked the counter lady and she reassured me that the bus really wasn't here yet. I just couldn't believe it!!! When SK asked me, I took revenge by telling her that the bus did left already and we can't change the tickets... I totally LOL when I broke the good news to her. Her face was totally priceless!

Last mistake I did was crossing the road and ignoring a motorist... He honked at me and I totally ignored him. After that, it was a sleepless journey back to Taiping... One mistake did arise, but it was done by the driver of the bus. He took the wrong road. I just coudn't believe our luck...

~The End~

Welcome to The Amazing Race ASIA!

On today's episode of The Amazing Race Asia, our favorite duo stumbles thanks to a miscalculation of time that would cost them big time. Are they lucky enough to make it to the finish line and go through to the next round, or would this be their last race?

Location: KDU College Penang
Time: 8.30am

Clue (Blast From The Past):-
In this task, contestants are given a time limit of 2 hour and a half to finish an exam paper that most would agree to be the hardest subject in school. History! In other words, Malaysian Studies. The exam starts at 9.30am but those who manage to finish before 11.30am are allowed to leave early, those who can't finish by that time however, can't leave the hall till 12.00pm. After completing their exam, contestants are required to log in a computer in the college's internet lab and solve a simple question to read their next clue. Results of their exam will be evaluated at the end of the race and the group that scored the highest would get a head start at the next start of the next race.

Location: Level 7 (Examination Hall)
9.30am
AK: Good Luck!
SC: Yeah, good luck to you too!

9.40am
SC: What the hell! I hate History and I thought I won't need to do this exam ever again after SPM... To HELL with this stupid exam! I'll just follow my new Motto which is DLAB (Don't Leave Anything Blank) and be done with it.

10.50am
SC: YES! I'm done! Haha... EK and MJ is still not done yet... Take your time boys! I'm out of here... AK faster la!
AK: (Concentrating on her work)

Location: KDU Internet Lab
Time: 11.30am

Question:-
Who is a lady who sounds like a baby?
What is lifeless but cries like a baby?

(Warning: This is highly not funny! Read at your own risk)
SC: WTH! This questions doesn't even rhyme... The person who made up this question must be a ****
AK: Baby? I remember my cousin who is like so cute... Eeee... So kutchi kutchi....Gooo...
SC: Goo? Is that a Pokemon or something? Nah... Wait. I think I remember Mongolian kids love to make that sound Go Go (Gyok Gyok)... There is even a website 'Go Go' which functions like Google... Wait, Goo... Goo... Ga GA... LADY GAGA!
AK: Baby crying. I hate the sound! So annoying! What can be as annoying as that?
SC: Sirens... Phone ringing... I hate answering the phone! I kinda have a phobia of answering phones...
AK: Can we go back to the question? What is lifeless and cries like a baby?
SC: DUDE! I got it! Telephone. Lady Gaga Telephone! Maybe we have to watch the official vid.
(Youtube)
SC: OMG! She is naked and they sensored! Now she is kissing a guy? Wait! IS that even a guy? Now they are dancing in their undies? Wow! This is hillarious... HAHA!
AK: Hey... We didn't need to watch the video, the clue link is right here. (Points at screen)
SC: Oh... Hehe... ^.^"

Route Information:-
Route Information clues instruct the teams where to go next. The clue usually only provides the name of the team's next destination; it is up to the teams to figure out how to get there. For this leg of the race, contestants are required to travel to Penang's tallest building, Komtar and find their next clue.

Location: Macalister Road Bus Stop
Time: 11.45am

SC: WTH! Why isn't there any bus passing by this stupid road??? OMG there is a crazy woman siting here... Faster la BUS!
AK: Stupid wan la!
SC: Hey look at that car!.... ~Keeps talking about cars~
(20 minutes later)
SC: BUS! At Last!

Location: Komtar
Time: 12.15pm

SC: Route Marker! Lets get our next clue!

Road Block (Who is the computer geek?):-
A Roadblock is a task that only one team member may perform. In this road block,contestants have to find the right computer shop in a mall located near Komtar called Perangin Mall and search for the right game to purchase to get their next clue. The game they have to find is based on the latest movie Sherlocks Holmes.

SC: This is easy... I'll do the road block. Come on, lets go find that computer shop!

Location: Computer shop
Time: 12.30pm

SC: Route Marker! Shit! The shop will only open at 1.00pm.
AK: Thats like half an hour... I'm hungry, lets eat.
SC: Sounds good to me.

Time: 1.00pm

SC: Here I go! Where are you Sherlock Holmes? Ooo... Vampire games.
AK: Dude, can you buy me that Yahoo game?
SC: Maybe another time. I'm trying to find that game. Ooo... Alice in Wonderland!
(after 30 minutes)
SC: Found it!
Shop Guy: RM10 yea. Pay first and wait for 15 minutes for your game.
SC: Can't you just give me the clue?
Shop Guy: What clue?
SC: Umm... 15 minutes? Okay... I'll be back. Here is the RM10.
Shop Guy: Just kidding. Here, you can have the clue.
SC: Thank you. But seriously, I'll be back for the game.
Shop Guy: Sure...
(walk out of shop)
SC: Stupid guy scam my money! I don't care, I'm gonna get my money's worth.
AK: Yeah, stupid guy.

Time: 1.30

Route Information:-
Take a bus or taxi to your next location which is the Penang's Ferry Terminal and take the Ferry to Butterworth. From there, catch the 2.30pm bus to Taiping. Contestants that misses that bus has to take the 5.30pm bus. Taiping is a town located in northern Perak, Malaysia. With a population of 191,104 (in 2007), it is the second largest town in Perak after Ipoh, the state capital. Taiping also receives some limelight for being the wettest town in Peninsular Malaysia and its unusual rainfall has also led to a fertile collection of flora and century-old rain trees in the Taiping Lake Gardens. Here is the pit-stop for this leg of the race. The last team that checks in, may or may not be eliminated.

Location: Perangin Mall

SC: Hmm... 2.30pm... We still got an hour. We can start leaving by 2.00pm. Lets go in that DVD shop and look around.
AK: Yea...

Location: Computer Shop
Time: 1.55pm

SC: We better start moving before we miss the bus.
AK: Yea.
SC: OMG! DUDE! The bus is in Butterworth! I just remembered! I thought it was in Penang! I don't think we can get there in time! OMG! WE are so DEAD!
AK: What! I think we can make it. Don't worry! WE got time...
SC: OMG! Panic!!! Gotto get out of here!
(goes to the counter)
SC: My game arrived yet?
Shop Guy: Here. (Pass the game)
SC: Thanks! (Hand over RM10)
(Rush down to bus stop)

Location: Rapid Bus 204
Time: 2.00pm

SC: To Jetty please!
Driver: Sorry, all the bus here don't go to Jetty. You have to go another location. Bla.. Bla... Bla...
SC: Okay, okay. (steps out of the bus) Where?
AK: I think its there?
SC: I don't think we gonna make it! OMG!!! I'm panicking!!!!
AK: Lets just walk.
SC: I think we better take a taxi.
AK: OK...

Location: Taxi
Time: 2.05

Driver: Taxi?
SC: Yes!
AK: How much?
Driver: To where?
SC & AK: JETTY!
Driver: RM10
SC: OK!
(Goes inside the car. Driver taking own sweet time. SC Getting very annoyed n aggitated. AK silent)
SC: CAn you reach there at 2.15pm?
Driver: I'm not sure.
AK: WE have a bus in Butterworth leaving at 2.30pm.
Driver: Taking ferry? I don't think you guys are going to make it. Ferry takes 20 minutes.
AK: Is it. BUt maybe we are lucky?
Driver: I still don't think you guys are gonna make it no matter how lucky. (starts talking about the time he missed the buss to Alor Star and had to sleep at the bus terminal n bla bla bla...)
AK: Is it.
SC: (getting very aggitated)
Driver: I really don't think you guys are going to make it. (Repeat the whole story about the time he missed the bus n bla bla bla...)
AK: Is it.
Driver: Yeah and I had to ask people's help and bla bla bla... Because I missed the bus and bla bla bla...
AK: Is it.
SC: (Really annoyed)
Driver: You guys wan't me to drop you guys here first so that you guys can cross the road straight away to the ferry terminal or you guys want to take more risk?
SC: Here is good.
Driver: Remember to run.
AK: Thank you. (hand over the money)

Location: Ferry terminal
Time: 2.15pm

SC:I think we are going to make it! The ferry is here! The first ferry seems fast. It like zoomed away. Okay! I think we are totally going to make it!
AK: Yea...

Location: Ferry
Time: 2.17pm

SC: Okay! We are at the front of the line! WE are going to make it! Wait. Ferry takes 20 minutes. OMG! I don't think we are going to make it!
AK: ~Silent~
SC: The first ferry zoomed away. I think it won't take that long.

Time: 2.20pm

SC: WTF! Why is this thing not moving yet!!! MOVE!!!
AK: Yea! Why so stupid one! Stupid man! Shit!
SC: MOVE!!!

Time: 2.25pm

SC: WE are so dead man!!! THIS THING WON'T MOVE!!! MOVE you stupid FERRY!
AK: F*** wan man! WTF!
SC: Yea... Faster move la! Just now that ferry move so fast! MOVE! We should have just jumped over the fence and illegally enter that double-deck(no pedestrians allowed) ferry! WTF!
AK: F*** wan la! Why so F*** wan??? Move la!

Time: 2.27pm

SC: At last! we are moving. WAit! WTF!!! WHy so slow??? Just now that Ferry like really zoomed away! Why this wan so slow!!! We aint gonna make it!!! (Close to tears...)
AK: F*** wan la... Maybe the bus will wait for us.
SC: THe other teams would have reached already! WE r so DEAD!!! MOVE STUPID FERRY!

(after what seems like hours floating slowly to Butterworth and some more cursing and swearing)

Time: 2.37pm

SC: SHIT!!! Get ready to run! Just hope the bus is waiting. OMG!
AK: Yea...
SC: My bloody Bag is so dam heavy! My pants keep wanting to fall off! I'm so gonna hate this!
AK: YEa...

(gates open)
SC ran out of the ferry and down the slopes... AK taking her own sweet time knowing SC will ask the bus to wait when she reaches there first... Its now up to SC to reach the bus... She reach the terminal but see no bus to Taiping and rushes to the ticket counter. AK reaches and ask SC... SO?

SC: The lady said the bus has left. We gotto take another one.
AK: WHAT! Let me ask her.
SC: Dude! There is nothing we can do! We missed it!
AK: What are we going to do?

(Advertisement)

SC: We missed it!
AK: What are we going to do?
SC: Isn't it obvious? We Wait.
AK: (sour face)
SC: DUDE! I'm just joking! The bus havent arrived yet! HAHAHAHA!!!!
AK: You SERIOUS! OMG! @.@
SC: HAHAHAHAHA!!!! WE are that lucky.
AK: Yea. No wonder I saw some people that resembled the other teams.


(3 teams have made it so far for the 2.30pm bus, leaving the other 5 teams to take the 5.30pm bus)

Location: Bus on the way to Taiping
Time: Who cares? We made it!

(Bus took the wrong road)
SC: WTF! Why so stupid one?
AK: Yeala... Haiyo...
SC: Why are we having so much drama today?
AK: I don't know. I think I'm gonna take a nap.
SC: OK. Wait! DUDE! I think I lost RM10.
AK: Maybe you dropped it somewhere.
SC: WTF!!! Wait... Don't tell me I double paid that stupid computer shop guy. F***!!!

(Totally never happened~just a made up scene~)
Location: Kamunting Bas Terminal
Time: One hour later

SC: Route Marker! Cars! OMG! We have to drive there?
AK: You drive.

Location: Taiping Lake Garden (beside the huge golf ball)
Time: No Idea...

~SC & AK jump on the mat~
Guy Holding snake: Welcome to Taiping Lake Garden.
SC & AK : Yea... (nervous lol)
Allan Wu: SC & AK...(sour face) You are team number...

(Advertisement)

~SC & AK jump on the mat~
Guy holding snake: Welcome to Taiping Lake Garden.
SC & AK : Yea... (totally nervous)
Allan Wu: SC & AK...(sour face) You are team number... ONE!
SC & AK: WHAT!!! NO WAY! WOOO!!! (Jump FOr JOY!)
Allan Wu: Congratulations, and as winners for this leg of the race, you guys have won yourself a free pic taken with this lovely snake here.
SC: Ooooo... I LOVE SNAKES! Why not give me the whole snake!
Allan Wu: Win the whole race and you can have your own zoo.
SC: GOODY!
Allan Wu: Advertisement please.... ^.^"

~Just a long version of the story... Shorter version on the way~
Really sorry for the long stupid story... Most of you guys would totally say such a waste of time... hehe XD