Awakening...

It just occur to me that, my sleepless nights are often caused by my thoughts. I just have to write it all down before I regret it as I will soon forget about the things that I just thought of that are important to me. Okay, it's complicated and I'm not one that is good at explanations, so bare with me...

It's been a long time since I had a nice flowing conversation with anyone at all. In this case, my best friend. However, today she seem to be in the mood to talk. She called me and I was expecting for the long awkward silences to just make me come up with stupid excuses to just end the conversation, but it didn't happen tonight. Instead, we just kept on talking and our conversations were just like the ones we had during the first few years of our friendship.

These days she just kept going on about her bf and problems which really annoyed me cause I was starting to get tired of it. Our usually conversations are often about boys, relationships, religious issues, children, family and all sorts of funny and interesting stuffs that can go on and on and on. Having to talk about those things to her again truly opened my eyes and made me realise about the things that were bugging me... The reason for my aggressive behaviour, moody expressions and being lost in my depression...

Of course I can't write it down in my blog. It's too personal and it's mainly due to the fact that the problem lies in my family. Now I realise why teenagers act the way they should not, when their main problem is raised by family troubles. I never thought I would go through it, but it seems that every teenager will face such problems even though it may be their last year as one. Heck, I'm bloody 19... Once I turn 20, I have no idea what problems I'd have to face as an adult... I can't be acting like a teen anymore...

One thing I can tell is, I think my parents can't feel that I love them. Can't blame them for that cause the way I lash out at them and the way I talk is straightforward, insensitive and often cold. Other than that, I'm always searching for something or someone that I can love. For example, a band, hobby, role model, pet and even any guy. Which reminds me of a dream I had 5 years back. It was this dream that I remembered today that made me realise my hypothesis about my parents.

5 years ago, I started to fall in love with music. Not the music my parents wanted me to like, but really rock, punk, dark and really loud music. They never encountered this problem with my sister, and I think they saw evil in me. I was and am a problematic person till this day and I think they are getting tired with it. OK, back to the story... I went crazy fanatic over Simple Plan, Good Charlotte and Green Day. I was crazy in love with Good Charlotte's singer, Joel Madden that time, and he had all this tattoos and dark image. I just can't resist that darkness in people, and this guy has a twin brother! How cool is that!

The dream that I had, included my Mum, sister and Good Charlotte. I think this dream happened during that time I won tickets to Good Charlotte's live concert in Malaysia which I couldn't attend thanks to my parents. In the dream, I was having a party at my house. The party guest were mostly people that I really don't know, but Good Charlotte was there. Joel, Benji, Chris and Billy. I think it was the end of the party when everyone left, I was alone with Joel. I told him that I loved him and was willing to do just anything for him. He just looked at me and said, and I quote,

"Love your parents first, then only you can love me.".

Stubborn as usual, I said to him that I already love my parents enough to love him and he just smiled at me. I walked towards my parents bedroom and my mum and sis was in there. I crashed onto the bed and started begging them to allow me to go to GC's concert.

That's the only thing I remembered of that dream. It's amazing how I could remember it till this day. Of course I don't love Joel anymore after his stupid decision to be with Nicole Richie... However, I still have a thing for twins and still can't believe it that my first official bf happened to have a twin brother... Sad truth is, and this is my quote, so I quote...

"People always want things that they can't have but in the end, can't appreciate
the things that they already have..."

Okay, that just came out from nowhere... My deepness seems to amazes me every time...

Someone criticised me by saying that I'm like a child that like to put on adult clothes and act like a grown up... Well, I think it's better to act mature instead of being an absolute immature fool.

Hence, tonight's conclusion from my insomniac dreaming is... I have really really really troubling issues that I just can't fix yet. A solution have to be planed out and put into action before everything starts falling apart. First, I have to finish my final theory exams the best I could and only then start thinking of ways to solving my problems.

Life of an Insomniac Dreamer... -Dealing with Depression-

Yet again I have been hit by insomnia... Thought it's not serious, but for a 19 year old to suffer from this in a weekly basis, it's really disturbing. I'm an insomniac dreamer cause I often dream even though I'm wide awake. True, if you call that day dreaming, but whenever I'm hit by Insomnia... I seem to channel into my subconscious mind, trying to know myself better. I believe our dreams that we have when we are sleeping or in a state of subconscious reflects on our past history, memories and maybe project what we predict or hope for in the future. Alright, it's still consider as day dreaming... What can I say, I'm a dreamer... Therefore, an Insomniac Dreamer...

Insomnia usually hits me when I'm depressed, lonely, worried and just can't stop thinking. That is why I project the scenes of the past I remember, play out scenes from my memories and also scenarios that could take place in my future... It's how I reflect on myself I guess and in a good way, Insomnia seems to help cause during the night is the only time that I am truly alone and is able to let myself be vulnerable. However, it also reminds me of extreme loneliness which really sucks.

I'm a loner by nature but I crave for love and attention too. I know... It's really selfish of me. Actually, to tell you the truth... I don't know what I want and what I need. I only know that not getting what I want and what I need will truly suck and make me even more depressed. Don't all of us feel that way? It's just the way I self critic myself about this things that make me very pissed off... I know setting goals are one way to motivating our self to get what we want and what we need. It's just that, I'm a very sensitive person and the people around me affects me in many different way.

Being misunderstood and treated as if I'm such a moron that can't think what is right for me and that being depressed is really bad for me, is not really helping... Can't blame them thought cause I don't communicate much and they don't really have time to be my psychiatrist. My advice to those that want to help someone who is depressed is, never advice anyone who is depressed. It's as simple as that! So, rule number one is, NEVER ADVICE THE DEPRESSED!!!

First, listen to them and try to understand what they are feeling as well as what they are going through... If they seem to stay silent in their room, avoid small talk and are not acting their usual happy selves, you may think they just want to be left alone. It's something I like to call 'Lock down' where I just want to lock myself out from everything and not feel anything at all.

It's how I protect myself from further abuse in the form of words, critics and judgement. During 'Lock down', the depressed would find somewhere that they can be alone, usually in our room where we would just loose ourselves in thought. Most will think that we just want to be alone and not talk to anyone. Actually, it is true for the first 10-15 minutes, but after that, all they want is for someone they love to listen to their complaints and hopefully understand what they are going through. Which brings me to rule number two... NEVER ASSUME AND ACT AS IF YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!!!

When we pour all our feelings out to you, we are actually at the most vulnerable position ever. That is why, quote:

"You don't understand me and you never will. So don't start that shit 'bout knowing' how I feel."


It really pisses me off when people that want me to feel better when I'm depressed act all GOD in front of me. As if they know every f'king thing about life and make you feel like a total moron! I don't even think God would even do such a thing cause he would know how to enlighten the depressed with his kind and thoughtfulness. This leads to rule number three... ONLY GOD CAN ADVICE THE DEPRESSED!!!

After listening to what the depressed had to say, don't say anything... If they seem to need a hug or someone to hold them, just do it... It is very important to calm them down and let them release all their worries and problems that they are facing. Ask them nicely to just put all their trust in you and tell them to seek advice from God. They may seem reluctant at first, but the depressed is willing to do whatever to seek forgiveness and just get out from being depressed. Heck! People always assume that people who are depressed wants to stay that way forever cause they enjoy it more than being happy. It's really annoying! All we want is to be understood!

I believe that there is a God. To earn the trust of the depressed that you are dealing with, you have to take the lead and be a good leader. Like I mentioned before, we are at our most vulnerable position and taking advantage of us would make things far more worst. We already entrust you with our life by opening up to you, so your next move could actually kill us. Remember, betrayal is our worst enemy. We don't want stupid, crappy advice from you, we need good caring instructions. If the matter can be solved, just suggest them on what to do and if their request is reasonable, just go with it. If you have no idea on how to solve their problem, just tell them to close their eyes, try to talk to God, and trust themselves once you leave their room. Just give them a comforting smile and leave...

To be clear, it may not work on everybody of course cause these are just my opinions. I'm not a psychiatrist, or a counselor but I am a teenager that is going through depression. We are the ones that have to face today's society and things have changed throughout the years. You may think you know the Hell that we are going through because you have been through that period a few years ago, but it is never the same. I remember a quote from my best friend's dad and it is...

"The only thing in life that is permanent is change."

Well, morning is here and life goes on one way or another... Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight. Please rate and comment... Maybe share a few of your depressed quotes or stories with me... :)

For the depressed, I can only suggest you one thing... When you feel like giving up, all hope is gone and could only resort to one thing which is to end your f'king misery... Just listen to more of Good Charlotte, Simple Plan or whatever music that you are willing to live for. Songs like GC's 'Hold On', SP's 'Perfect', 'Shut Up', 'Untitled' and 'Welcome to my life' has truly saved me a few times during my secondary life. It reminds me that, there are people out there that actually cares about those that are depressed and want them to keep holding on. Today, I live to listen to Muse... I am willing to go through whatever hell just to keep listening to their songs and hopefully meet them one day. I know most of you guys have done the same, so tell me what music you guys like to listen too. Therefore, before I end this post... Remember, I am here and I believe all of you who are depressed out there... I believe you guys can go through this and keep holding on cause I believe in you guys... Peace out... ;p

If only life is fair... -Goodbyes-

Sorry for the long absent again... I've been just caught up with work and a lot of melodramatics. Here is the last installment of the "If only life is fair" series of post... Enjoy...

It was not long before I had to say goodbye to each of my friends that I had made during my third semester in KDU College Penang. My college life still sucks as bad as my previous semesters but the conditions of my hostel life was wonderful.

In April, we celebrated two birthdays. Hooi Ling on the 12th and Haliunaa on the 15th. We celebrated Hooi Ling's in Gurney plaza with a 3D Movie titled "How to Train Your Dragon". A highly anticipated movie and I was so excited till I messed up the sitting arrangements. We kept sitting at the wrong row of seats and had to change rows and seats like 3 times at least. Haha!!! I bought a cake for her and the party continued back in the Hostel. Ok... I know I look ugly in that pic but the memory will always be beautiful...

I think we are sitting in the right row of seat this time and what a better way to apologize by asking that person to take a pic of us. Haha!

We brought the party back to the hostel! I think there is a ghost behind Ling. Hahahaha!!!

Next was Haliunaa's turn to celebrate her birthday, but because it's her first time celebrating it in Malaysia and Penang itself, we just had to go all out and make it as memorable as possible for her. The story is in my previous post, so I'm just gonna link it...

3B's... Birthday, Beach and the Best day EVER!!!

http://punkdogsvp711rvp.blogspot.com/2010/04/3bs-birthday-beach-and-best-day-ever.html

Magical Night at the Beach...

http://punkdogsvp711rvp.blogspot.com/2010/04/magical-night-at-beach.html

Sadly, those were the last wonderful time we had together cause it was time to say goodbye from one person to the other. First person to leave was Huei. Next was Nicole and during that last day with Nicole, we had another trip to Ferringhi but it wasn't as wonderfull as the time we had there during Haliunaa's b'day... Only Hooi Ling, Nicole, Haliunaa, another housemate of ours, and I went.

After Nicole, it was Javka. Soon, it was time for Haliunaa to go back to Mongolia and it was sad to see her leave. We had to have a farewell party in the hostel filled with games and funny funny things which everyone enjoyed. Haliunaa once caught me playing the guitar and I promised her that I would play a song for her. Hence, on that night, I played and sang Muse's 'Undisclosed Desires' and it was the first time I ever sang and played the guitar for someone. It wasn't smooth and I kept doing a lot of mistakes but with more practice, I could have perfected it.

When it got really late, we decided to call it a night and head to sleep but a few minutes after that, the whole building lost electricity and everything was pitch black. That is when we decided that the party must go on! One thing led to another, and lets just say things got out of control at one point. We played so many stupid games and I got into very awkward situations with both of the twins. Lol.

In the morning, it was time to see Haliunaa get on the Taxi and start her long journey back to her birth place, Mongolia. We hugged, hid some tears away and promised each other that distance will never destroy our friendship. No doubt it was sad, but her four months in Malaysia will be remembered by all of us.

After Haliunaa's departure, I got to know the twins better and got too close to one of them. I never in a million years would have thought that my first ever official relationship would be with a Mongolian. Seriously, I never thought of it. However, just like the title of my series of post, life is never fair. It was a bittersweet relationship which both of us realize would end one way or another.

I could only remember 3 scenes where I had to cross the straits of Melacca that divides Penang from the mainland with tears in my eyes. First was during a car ride I had crossing the sea by the Penang bridge. I was going back to my grandmother's house at midnight after my grandfather's funeral procession. I did it very silently, lying down on the back seat. That was the night I decided never to shed another tear during my grandfather's funeral cause he would not like to see his beloved family members sad. Second time was during a ferry ride I had to take with my parents to Penang. I was having college troubles with my classmates and wasn't looking forward to going back to that sad place. My Mum started scolding me with some shit and I lost it. I really felt like jumping off the ferry ending my misery.

The last scene was the day the twins left Malaysia. That was the moment I felt truly alone because they were leaving and the girls at the hostel were not in good terms with me, even Hooi Ling. The journey back to Taiping was the longest one I ever had and the loneliest one too.

Well, that is the end. I know... Where is the happy ending right. Sadly, there is no happy ending to this series of post... just wonderful memories that would stay with me till my last day. Even if that day were to end my story in a sad ending, but by looking back on those happy times I had shared with the people I love, it's good enough for me... Reminds me of one of My Chemical Romance song that had this lyric...

"I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene..."

So, that's how I'm gonna end this post... Thanks for reading... :)

If only life is fair... -Double Trouble-

It's not long before I got to see double. Yup, it's time to bring in the twins into this story cause every story needs a guy in it, but this is better cause the guy happen to have a twin brother.

Usually, Haliunaa, Hooi Ling, Nicole and I would always go to college together on the shuttle bus together in the morning for our morning classes. We would always arrive 15 minutes early to college and just spend that time talking in front of their English class since I and Hooi Ling had nothing better to do in the morning. It was still that period of time where Hooi Ling and Haliunaa kept teasing Nicole with the twins. I'm curious to see them and so was Hooi Ling but the boys weren't there till the last minute. We were leaving for our class and Haliunaa pointed out the boys. They were climbing up the stairs and cause I was rushing for time since I didn't like to be late for classes, I only noticed one of them. His name is Bayarbatar but call him Baadai, same age as I, wearing white with a red checkered shirt on top, short trimmed hair and kind of cute. Oh yeah, and he had piercings in his ear. How cool is that? Maybe I had glaced a moment at the brother, but I just can't remember and I didn't dare to stare at them for more than a second cause I wouldn't wanna be caught staring. The twin brother, his name is Bayarbat and we know him as Badu. Haliunaa asked my opinion on how they looked and I said, not bad. Haha! They were cute but still average looking and common. Lol.

It wasn't hard to differentiate the two apart. One had really short and trimmed hair and the other normal with a slight faux hawk hairstyle. Besides, one likes to wear black and the other is always seen wearing white. How cute is that? Their face is also different but I just can't figure out what the difference is. No doubt they look really alike since they were twins, but there was a feature in their face that made them look different. I guess I'll never figure it out cause till today, I just can't figure it out. Haha...

Then, came the day Haliunaa wanted to introduce I and Hooi Ling to the twins. We planed to eat at some Mamak shop the twins wanted to bring Haliunaa to, which the twins thought was an Indian shop. I had to work in the I-lab that day and Hooi Ling accompanied me while I was working. Sudenly, one of the twins came in and I just couldn't help smiling cause I knew him but he didnt know me and he had no idea that we were about to eat lunch together very soon. Ironic right. It was hard comtrolling my facial expressions and Hooi Ling was like telling me about the ironic information. That was the first time I had clear sight of him and the irony continues when I had to help him with the printer thing. Stupid Queueserver thing! Thank God I don't have to deal with that problem anymore today since they upgraded the server. I acted as if he was just another student and wanted to do something funny, but of course I didn't. Haha. He left after he printed his assignments.

Haliunaa and Nicole was waiting outside and after I finished my shift, went to meet up with them. It seems that we will meet up with the other twin which was Baadai downstairs and wait for Badu before going down. He must be handing in his recently printed assignment and when he was walking towards us, I just didn't know where to look at. He was suprised of course and we introduced each other. We didn't shake hands or anything, just acknowledged each other and I guess we were all shy accept for Haliunaa of course. I notice that Badu is kind of shy and a little bit more to himself kind of person. Quiet and reserved. When we met Baadai downstairs, the way he greeted us was totally different and that was when I noticed how different their personalities was. Baadai was cheerful, friendly and had the joyous smile I've ever seen. I was shy and just said a simple hi to him. I think he noticed that and just smiled at me. Hooi Ling on the other hand, got a hand shake with him. Haha! She was suprised and all shy about it. Lol.

We walked and we walked till we reached the shop. It wasn't easy to feel comfortable with them cause everthing felt so awkward and funny in a way, but I still tried to be friendly and just smile. They did asked me some funny questions and I felt happy to answer those questions eventhough they had no idea what the hell I was talking about. Haliunaa had to translate everything and most of the conversation was between themselves which was really interesting to me. I love listening to people communicating in their own language eventhough I have no clue whatsoever what they are talking about. For me, it's just so interesting. Even sign language is fun to watch.

I guess the friendship started when the boys moved into the same building as us. we lived in the fifth floor and they moved into the eight floor. Their first visit, it was still all awkward and silent. I remember I, Hooi Ling and Haliunaa just came back from watching Alice in Wonderland 3D that day. Nicole, Huei and the other girls went back to their hometown as usuall. First it was Baadai who came cause Badu was still on his way. I and Hooi Ling was so shy that we kept hiding in our room and Haliunaa kept asking us to come out to socialise. It was so funny the way I and Hooi Ling were trying to pluck up enough courage to go out there. When we came out, both the twins were there and we decided to play some card games. That was then ice was broken and we finaly felt comfortable with each other. It was the first time I saw Badu open up, be cheerful and enthusiastic. We had fun playing cards and laughed at the silly moments during a snap game. I was so bad in that game cause I'm still not comfortable touching anybody's hand aspeacially boys. Shocking for those who knew me during Primary school I know, but being in an all girl school can change a person dramaticly. We even talked about movies that night and If I'm not mistaken, we did watched 'Meet the Fockers' that night.

Not long after that, they visited our hostel weekly and kept playing cards. Baadai is such a player and all he wants to do is win, win and win. Most of the time, it's always Baadai who come down to play regardless the time and Badu will only join us sometimes. There are times I feel like going back to those days and relive the moments. I trully miss those times and could never forget it no matter how hard I try cause those moments are just to wonderful to forget.

I know most who read, if anybody does read this must be wondering who is 'The Guy' in the story... Well, for Haliunaa it's a different guy. A friend of the twins which I would tell in the continuation of this series of post. For me, I never thought 'The guy' in my story will happen to be one of the twins, cause I've never really seem to be interested in any one of them, but everything changed after that thaks to one beautiful, almost magical and panoramic night I will never ever forget for my whole entire life.

If only life is fair... -Really Good Times-

During the Chinese New Year, I invited Haliunaa to celebrate the celebrations together, from Butterworth, Penang to my home in Taiping, Perak. I wanted her to experience the culture and what Chinese New Year is all about here in Malaysia. During her time in Taiping, we went to the Taiping Museum and visited the zoo with Hema, Hooi Ling and her sister. Hooi Ling just had to loose her purse at the zoo. Haizz...
The best part was the open house I had at my home for the festivities. Hooi Ling and her family was there, Hema and her family was there and Johnny was wearing his new chinese Sam Foo... Haha! He looked so amazingly cute and adorable. It was my dad's birthday too and we all did a stupid suprise for him. Haha! The fan was on and the candles went off. It was so hillarious!

The time we had in Taiping was fun of course, but we had to go back to Penang and the fun continued there. I can't remember what occasion was it, but I could only remember one thing. Well, two actually... Pizza and Alcohol. Hahahahahaha.... It was a girls's night at the hostel(Shh... Can't bring alcohol into the hostel lol). We had 2 cans of Carlsberg, 2 bottles of Vodca and one bottle of red wine. Total percentage of Alcohol combined, I guess it must have been 40% at least. We played 'Truth or Dare' and could not stop laughing our ass off. I will never ever forget about that night cause I was the only one brave enough to choose dare since everyone kept sticking with truth. No fun it all we do is tell the truth... Lol, so in the end, I was the craziest girl that night. Not drunk, but crazy. Haha!

Before that night, we had another outing together, the 5 of us. I guess it was the last outing we had with Huei cause the rest of the outing was without her. We went to Queensbay and just being funny, I suggested to have our dinner in T-Bowl. A toilet concept restaurant serving really delicious chinese and western food. Haliunaa was kind of grossed out with the concept of the restaurant, but in the end she still enjoyed the whole experienced. Hooi Ling wanted to taste the Poo Ice cream. Haha! Thank goodness she didn't cause if she did, I would have a hard time controlling my laughter. After that, we decided to take photos together in the picture booth. I was so excited cause I've never taken pictures with friends in a picture booth before and I was so noob about it. We went into the booth, and that is when all hell broke loose. The shop keeper must have thought we were a bunch of lunatics cause we couldn't stop laughing in histerics... It was so hillarious and I think that was the happiest moment I ever had in my 18 years of life! The pictures came out beautiful and each of us had two to keep. I'll never forget about the way we laughed in that small crammed photo booth. Trully the best!

If only life is fair... -Good Times-

What happened that first month of year 2010 is something almost close to magical. I know it might sound stupid, but the four months we were going to have together was something beyond what we all expected. The first few days, no doubt Haliunaa was close to her roommates Huei and Nicole aspeacially Nicole since they were both in the same course and are studying in the same class. Roommates and classmates, sounds really comfortable when you came all the way from another country all alone and you don't really know anybody. Hooi Ling had no problem socializing and knows how to speak mandarin, so it was easier for her to befriend Nicole and Huei. I didn't know how to socialize and had to force myself to be more talkative but everything that came out from my mouth was either stupid questions or just total nonsense. However, they didn't seem to mind it that much compared to my classmates in college that allienate me because I'm different.

Then, came the night where Huei decided to bring Haliunaa to do some evening sigh seeing along with Nicole. No doubt I felt left out for not being included in the party at first, but it would be so inappropriate to ask to be included in an event where you are clearly not wanted. Furthermore, it was Huei's bf who was driving and it won't be that nice to suprise him with the last minute additional members. One thing led to another, Huei's bf did get suprised with the additional members and we went to Gurney drive.

We took pictures, talked and just sat on the devider that acted as a wall seperating the road from the sea. The sound of the waves crashing onto the rocks was mindblowing and very captivating. The waves seem to crash into your inner mind and take along all the pain back to the sea. We hung around there for a very long time and decided to go to another place that is similar when it was time to go. We went there and had loads of fun! We took more pictures together and even had a trishaw ride around the place. We only know each other for barely a week and we are already out having fun together, something I have never experienced before during my college life.

During the first weekend, Nicole and Huei went back to their hometown. I and Hooi Ling usually stay for the weekends since the journey back to Taiping won't be worth it if its just for 2 days, so during that weekend, we took Haliunaa to Prangin Mall. It was the first time she took the Rapid bus and we took few pictures in the bus. It was fun shopping except for the part where Haliunaa likes to dissapear into thin air and get me worrying. Haha...

Weeks pass and our friendship grew stronger. Haliunaa and Nicole seem to always mention about their mongolian classmates who happend to be twins. I didn't give much thought about them but curious to know how this twins looked like cause I'm always interested to see how similar two person can be since they literally share the same DNA in their body.

Our next big outing was withough Huei because it she went back for the weekend but Nicole decided to stay since she was excited to watch AVATAR in Gurney. I've already seen it in Taiping but I wanted to watch it in 3D. Sadly, there was only 2 tickets left and Hooi Ling and I decided it's best if Nicole and Haliunaa had those tickets since both of them havent watched the movie yet. During that 2 hours, I and Hooi Ling played at the arcade and it was my first time since so many years I played in the arcade, therefore we still had loads of fun eventhough we didn't get to watch the movie. It was near Chinese New Year that time, and Gurney PLaza had this huge stage as a decoration. We took some pistures together and hung around gurney drive where I met a cute little dauchshund named Candy. Took some more pictures and it was time for us to go.

If only life is fair... -The beginning-

The Insomniac dreamer is back and here lies the birth of another post by the creature of the night. I'm sure everyone knows and agrees that life on planet earth is never fair cause nothing is ever perfect and justice will never be served. There will always be evil in this world and good to counter the evil. Life is always full of ups and downs, like a roller coaster ride that can end up like final destination 4.

If only life is fair, I won't be feeling this hopeless and lost tonight. Friends come and go, but never forgotten. Therefore, I will never ever forget about the good times I had with my first international friends. I remember the first time I met Haliunaa... It was the start of my 3rd semester in college and on one memorable night in the hostel, we had our first international student that will stay in our hostel. I was so excited about it when I heard about it through Miss Dayana in facebook and I was waiting to open the door and welcome her. Two new girls already came in and I was so shy to talk to them since they were chinese educated and I can't speak Mandarin. I noticed Nicole was shy too and we just smiled at each other whenever we saw each other.

When I opened the door, I smiled at the new girl but she wasn't looking my way, so when she entered and pass me, I just smile again and say hi. I think I must have scared her there because that friendliness came out too enthusiastic and it must have seem really fake. She was only planning to stay in the hostel for a week. I don't know where I got the courage from that night to actually hold a house meeting. No doubt my housemates saw the bossy side of me that night which was something they have never expected to see coming out from me cause I'm always so timid and shy, but I had to do it since I want it to be a new begining. I had everyone introduce themselves and I had to clearify the rules of the house. Halfway through the meeting, I noticed that the new girl looked really anxious, so I dissmised her politely by saying she must have a long and tiring journey all the way from Mongolia and let her freshen up and settle in. Stupid SSD didn't give her a pillow and bedsheet, so I borrowed her a bedsheet along with an extra blanket I have and Hooi Ling borrowed her an extra pillow she had. It was that night our beautiful friendship began. Ice was broken and everyone seems to be comfortable with each other. The other chinese girl, Huei didn't come back till really late, so we didn't really get the chance to know her yet but after we did, we were a family.