College!!!!!

Wow... Ok...

I finally found the time to write a new post in my blog... This time I'm just gonna write bout college life though I've already been in college for 3 months... For those who don't know... My parents forced me to defer my NS and go to KDU college Penang for the March intake. What course I'm taking??? Well, most of my friends thinks it's hillarious, some say I'm not gonna suceed in it and a few of my close friends think I'm gonna do really well. Ok, I'll get straight to the point... Diploma in Professional Chef Training...

Why I choosed that course? Well...

1)I'm interested in cooking since I was little
2)It does not involve subjects that I really hate
3)I might get to go overseas to further my studies/work there
4)A chef's income is very high (I wanna be rich! lol)
5)I wanna be a celebrity Chef (Don't laugh...)

KDU is a fun place to study but the problem with me is... I can't speak Mandarin and most of the Chef students are mandarin speakers... 3 Months de I'm there but I still can't be comfortable with my classmates... I hate myself for being shy!!! There is nothing wrong with my classmates of course, I'm just very... Haizz...

So far, I have learnt how to bake different types of cake, Quiche, Choux Pastry, Buns, how to cook different types of soups, sauces, stocks, potatoes, vegetables, salads, eggs, butcher chicken, duck, lamb, beef, fish(seabas n Salmon), turkey, game(quail n venison) and shellfish which included Lobsters... Hehehe... The funny thing is... Everything we cook, will end up in our stomachs! Haha...

Now, finals are coming! Getting nervous lol. I got loads of pressure now since I really wanna get all A's... By the way, I suceeded in getting a scholarship, The Star Education Fund Sholarship to be exact. I gotto prove that I do deserve the scholarship so that it won't be taken back lol. Fiuh... Pressure man...

Well, I guess that wraps it up... Gotto study de lor... But very hard since my laptop keeps calling my name. Cannot play play de! Must get all A's! Gambateh!!!

NS or College first???

Oh GOD! Why must things suddenly get more complicated than it is... Just two days ago, I found out that I'm placed in PLKN Kem Sinar Suria, Sungkai for my NS training... It is a very new camp since it's not even stated in the PLKN camp list in the PLKN website. All of my friends except one has made up their minds to go for NS training and I thought I was up for it too until yesterday, I had to decide all over again... This time, I can't make up my mind!

I insisted from the beginning that I'm gonna go for NS before I go college this year in August cause I didn't wanna go when I'm 20+ or something... By the way, I thought I would get the chance to handle guns and do very exiting activities everyday for the next three months! I'm an adrenaline junkie and I love adventures, dangerous activities and challenges... I hate being stuck in rooms filled with people and listening to stupid lectures... I thought in NS, I'll get the chance to get fit! Like a boot-camp! Discipline is no prob for me but waiting in line, waiting, waiting and more waiting is totally shit for me! I've experienced 3 days in NS before in Kem Tegas Mesra if I'm not mistaken. It was 2 days of activities only... Doing the Obstacle course and Canoeing. The first day was totally boring and all we did was wait, wait and wait non stop... I seriously thought NS everyday for the three months was training us to do the obstacle course everyday to get fit and a part of the training. Furthermore, it's fun!

WHY I DON'T WANNA GO NS,
I heard from a fren of mine that I really miss and now in NS, that my assumption of NS was wrong... The first month was filled with classes for character building, moral and whatsoever... Lectures, lectures and more lectures... The next month was again filled with more lectures, lectures and lectures except they added Kawat kaki in the morning and a one day shooting outing, and prepping for the one night outing in the forest for the ending of NS. The physical activities was only done once! Only once! Just like my three days in NS! WTF! That ain't gonna be fun at all!!! All I can think of NS is a total waste of time!

WHY I WANNA GO NS,
I love challenges and I think NS is a great challenge! I don't like to give up... Besides, its better to deal with it once and for all in the early stages so that this stupid problem wont arise again when I'm in college. NS also might give me a head start in taking care of myself and prepare me for the future in a cruel and boring way... Besides, it's a new camp... What else... Well, I can't think of any...

THE VERDICT,
My parents in the beginning agree that I carry out my NS plans and enter college in August but now, they insist that I go for the March intake... I should say it's my fault cause I kept complaining how NS would be boring and a waste of time. To look at the bright side, me going to college is something like a better NS experience. I mean,

1. NS gives their trainees to meet people and make new friends...
What difference does it make in college? I would still meet new people and make new friends. Furthermore, I'll be there for 2 and a half years.

2. NS let their trainees to experience an independent life...
Again, life in college is the same... Whats better than that is, the hostel I'll be living in has a kitchen and laundry room! I'll get to cook and do the laundry with the help of machines.

3. NS prepare their trainees to be better prepared in college/University life...
Can't argue with this but my sister didn't go for NS and yet she is doing so well on her own in Terrenganu... Miles and miles away from Taiping.

4. NS activities...
This is the easiest to argue with... In college, there is a gym that I can be a member of and I can use it everyday... There maybe special clubs that I can enter too...

CONCLUSION,
Though I can find so many reasons why I should just postpone NS but I still have doubts about it! This has become the hardest decision I've ever made! Maybe I'm just afraid that this NS problem would disturb me again in the future if I Postpone it for now... But did the government really arrested those picked NS trainees that didn't attend... Did they carry out any actions like what the newspapers reported long time ago? My parents keep saying, there are loads of people that had and have escape NS by Postponing and the government would just forget/lost any information about me being picked for NS with the millions of files of the same case as me after 2 and a half years... I still doubt it! SHOULD I GO OR NOT GO TO NS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Insomniac Dreamer...(A new me?)

Ok!
I wonder how long I have been gone...
Well, not gone from this world of course but gone from this web...
Why do I keep thinking I was gone and now back again???
Where did I go to?
OK, forget it... I'm talking nonsense again.
I guess I just don't really know how to start writing this post.

Why Insomniac Dreamer?
Thats my new theme lol.
I'm not actually suffering from insomnia, but I'm just having trouble going to sleep. I find the atmosphere at night too precious to go to sleep. It's the best time to be alive, when I'm all alone in my room, knowing everybody is asleep and I can just let myself go, lost in thoughts without anybody there to disturbe me...
It is also the best time to read! And while reading, dream...
I just love reading and the book I'm reading now is really really really addictive...
It's title is 'Second Chance' by Jane Green and I can't put the book down once I opened it.
Another reason why I love those moments is because I might not get the chance to enjoy it anymore in the future, when I can't wake up at any hour in the day as I like...
That is why these moments are so precious to me.

Ok...
SO thats all you guys need to know bout my blog title this year...
I'm a dreamer and I love being alive during the night aspeacially when it's raining...
By the way,
Lexi Isabella Ferrari...
Thats my German name combined with my Italian name...
I believe in fate and fate has given me this name...

German: Lexi Isabella
Itallian: Isabella Ferrari
German+Itallian= Lexi Isabella Ferrari

I got those names from blothings but I swear I only did it once to obtain those names. I was so shock when I saw the connection and what r the odds of me getting the name Ferrari? I guess I am destined to be a Ferrari fan after all! HAHA!!!

The Predictable Disaster!

Ooooo... Fireworks... The Chinese are celebrating 'Pai T Kong' Prayers. OMG I think I just saw something supernatural when I was outside enjoying the fireworks...

OK... Back to the topic...

This is done by request from a friend of mine who had to share my horrible experience hosting a party that ended up as a complete mortifying disaster! This is for u and I know u know who u r...


On the 31st of January? My family did an open house. It was planned weeks earlier but I, being irresponsible and lazy, didn't bother to plan ahead... That was one mistake already... My mum kept asking me about the guest that I was inviting and I kept delaying the guest list. Three days b4 the open house, I got in touch with my friend(U know who u r) and asked for her help in inviting my classmates to the occasion. She did a wonderful job but can't really assure me that more than 5 people would be coming since most of them were working and don't even know where my house was. She told me not to worry but ask bout the party plans. Was is a BBQ or Steamboat. My mum only planned it to be a simple dinner but teenagers won't find any fun in that of course... So, I told her that Steamboat will be perfect.

I thought I can persuade my mum to allow me to plan a BBQ or Steamboat but I failed again n again n again cause my mum needed confirmation on how many people were coming. BUT I CAN'T GET F***ING CONFIRMATION!!!!! So I didn't tell my friend that there wasn't any Steamboat cause the invites were sent and I didn't wanna prove her right lol. She had said I will always plan something and last minute cancel. DAMN! How right she was... That was mistake num 2 lol.

Finally, the day arrives...
I kinda spend hours fixing my hair and trying on cloths...
I ended up looking too formal but I liked my look...
It was kinda sophisticated and punk...
First to show was my weird emotionless maybe best friend.
Next was my friend who had did the invitations...
Then came my friend who had to go back to NS the next day...

When I told my friend who did the invites that there wasn't any steamboat or even a BBQ, we can only hope the others won't show. (I don't know what the others will think if they knew we had hope they never showed...) Worst than that, I still can't convince my mum to agree with the BBQ plan cause I still can't confirm the arrival of the guests...

As we waited outside for the so called guests to arrive, the weather was getting stormier and it started to rain... One of the female guest was lost and I had to guide her to my house... That was when the embarrassment started. When she passed the phone to the driver, it was a male voice. I thought it was her father la so I called him uncle... To my horror, his reply was, "Uncle? I'm the brother la." Oops! I was so horrible in giving directions that I had to pass the phone to my mum.

That was that. Then, there was this technically uninvited(invited by the person who was invited) guest that me and my friend(who did the invitation) didn't want him to come. We kept saying how terrible the situation will get if he would show up some how. It was so funny when we saw a white car pull up in front of the house, which we thought was the female friend's car but turn out to be his car. I ran to the gate with the umbrella expecting her but got a shock when 'He' ran out of the car n into the house in a very macho and cool manner. I could hear my friend laughing out loud at the sight of him and I was doing funny hand gestures indicating how ironic the situation was behind his back.

The day got worst n worst when more of my friends show up. My mum blamed me for not planning earlier, my dad had to go out to buy ingredients for the last minute BBQ n all I could do was walk in n out of my house like a mad person... My parent's guests all had to leave early when there was nobody to entertain them. I myself was a horrible host and couldn't even entertain or strike a conversation with my own guest... I was so dam bloody shy again!

There was another embarrassing part but I'm too lazy to write it down, so I'm gonna cut to the scene requested by my friend...

My guests were outside talking and secretly whispering bout how things were going so slow n if my dad knew how to start a fire for the BBQ... As if that was not embarrassing enough, my bloody idiot shitting dog had to make things bad to worst for me. Johnny, my RM400++ good for nothing dachshund did a big business near the BBQ area and made me look like a stupid ARSE when I had to rake his poo up in front of my guests...

WOW... I write so long de... Better stop! HEE... In conclusion, it was a disaster! End of story. lol

SPM trials, DONE!

Halelujah!!!
Ok I have no idea if my spelling is right or wrong. lol...
At last! It's done! Days of freedom is back again...
But not entirely thought...
One month to really Step Up and Score in my SPM!
This trial exam has really made me realise how weak I am in all of the subjects...
And how worried I was in doing it.
I want everything so perfect but I messed everything up in the end cause I always feel as if I suck in everything!
Gotto relax! Be happy!
Confidence is all I need!
No more EMOness...
Gotto ditch it!
Back to being a Punk ass kid is better than an EMO.
EMO NO FUN!!!
Being a perfect lil princess is NO FUN either!

Yay yay!
Today I get to go Taiping Central!
I get to watch a movie!
I got free tickets!
Too bad my mum has it!
She gonna chooose the movie!
She wanna watch Horror movie!

Like...
ARGH!!! A DOG A PANIC IN A PAGODA!

The movie is called SUsuk or something...
If got the movie 'Step Up 2 the streets'
I MATI MATI wanna watch that movie!!!
I don't wan no horror movie!
If anybody wanna see a girl freeking out in the cinema in Taiping tonight, come and see la...

2 more weeks to my b'day!
Can't wait!
I don't care what my stupid Soulless so called best friend say about me!
I wanna enjoy myself, I'll enjoy myself!
She is NO FUN! OLD FASHIONED! NUMBER 1 MOST SELFISH PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!!!!! EMOTIONLESS!!! DISRECPECtFUL!!! IrRESPONSIBLE!!! HAS NO LIFE!

SERIOUSLY she has got to get a LIFE!!!!
If she reads this, she don't even care!
She will think I'm stupid to write all of this cause she thinks I'm stupid to care about her!
DAMN BLOODY HELLL!!!!! IF u r my BLOODY SHITTING BEST FRIEND! OF COURSE I CARE!
SHE DON'T CARE IF SHE DOESNT EVEN HAVE FRIENds!
SHE IS SUCH A MIND BLOWING STUBURN FREEK, LIVING IN HER OWN WORLD, F***ING SELFISH, ONLY THINKS HER OPINION IS TRUE, SOULLESS N DAMN BLOODY F***ING SHITTING SELFISH!!!!!!!!!

But watever... She is still my best friend and has been for nearly 2 years...
I don't know how I can tolerate her... SHe can't even admit that I am her Best Friend! LIKE WTH!!!
Than what am I to her? A so called Best friend who is not really a best friend? WHAT???? She loves and care for no one but herself! Is it wrong for me to care so much about a friend and best friends?
Is it wrong for me to love watching movies, hanging out with friends, having silly crushes on boys and most importantly, LIVING MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!
Not everything has to be on studies, studies, studies, books, thinking, solving problems, books, thinking, thinking and more thinking!

Well, I've got the green light to write all this things about her which is dam true! Cause she don't even care! SERIUSLY! SHE DON'T CARE!!!!!! She only laughs about it! I'm gonna show her and let her read everything the next time she pays me a visit!

I can even write what she would say to me...
"Why must u care about me? Don't care la! If I admit u r my best friend, then I won't be happy cause I have to worry about u all the time."
She is so afraid of commitment! If she does admit I am her best friend, what is she suppose to worry about? Then she will say, "I have to worry about keeping u happy all the time. If we fight or argue and lose the friendship, then I will be sad and unhappy because I can't keep the friendship alive."

Aiyo! I don't know la...
If she doesn't admit me as her best friend, I feel as if I'm just a toy to her...
Once broken, thrown away and never to be remembered again... It's like I'm nothing to her...
Friendship is love she says... But she don't even know the true meaning of both friendship and love...

Wow! I terpesong until here eh...
Better stop myself before I start writing stupid nonsence again...
Wah So hungry! Ouch...

Good Thing or Bad Thing?

Today was the EST 1 and MAth 1 paper day...
Math was no problem and for the first time,
I was able to finish the whole thing on time!
After the math papers were collected back, the teacher annouce...
The following names that are announce please come and take ur PLKN borang.
I was like OMG!
I'm gonna get it!
I was kinda happy and excited actually...
I waited and waited for my name...
"Bla bla bla..."
"Bla bla bla..."
"Bla bla bla..."
"OK semua pelajar boleh bersurai sekarang..."
What? What? What?
I was like...
What?
What about me?
Where is my borang?
My friend told me to ask the teacher, so I did...
She said that my name wasn't on the list and told me to check in my previous school...
Hmm...
Aint it awesome if I don't have to go for PLKN...
SHould I get that borang or should I just ignore it?
Maybe it's lost and I can have an excuse...
Or maybe it is in my earlier school...

So,
I asked my friend in tuition not long ago...
She said the school did distribute the forms but they didn't know if mine was there...
Nobody mentioned about me...

Furthermore...
THe school wants the forms back by Monday...
What am I to do?
I wouldn't wanna enter my former school again...
I'm too afraid...lol...

CAn I escape PLKN?
Or is this just a delusion?
Maybe this is a chance!
Or it's just trying to make a fool out of me...

Whatever it is...
I want to get over with it sooner or later...

National Service...

Wow! I never thought I would read those words... "Tahniah! (My IC num), (My full Name) anda telah dipilih untuk menyertai Program Latihan Khidmat Negara 6/2009" I was like shouting in the car... "What! No! Shit! WTF! ARGH!!! WTH!!!"... Three months! Three months! Three months!!! I don't wanna spend three months in NS! I wanna learn driving and my music! I felt like the horse in this video... Look how those horses march... Awesome! But WTH... I gotto go... And I am going lol... It's not the activities that are bothering me, It's the staying there for three months that is bothering me! I love doing rough and tough activities... BUt I hate staying in a place where I have to... I can't even imagine myself bathing in the toilet!

ARGH!!!!

But I'm gonna be tough! Nothing is gonna bring me down there!

To me, it's gonna be fun and painful at the same time...

I'm not a social person and making friends is one problem...

I hate racist and I know I'm gonna get in trouble there...

However, I'm highly disciplined...

I'm not as wild and untamed like Spirit...

I'm more like those stupid horses that follow orders lol...

But I can be like Spirit if I have to be...

HAha...