My other blog... Food-T Fans...

Hey... Just wanna tell you guys out there that read my blog that I have created another blog which I now share with my two best frens... Here is the link, check it out... :)

http://punkdog711rsvp.blogspot.com/

Risen Phoenix...

At last! I got to spread my wings wide and fly my way to FREEDOM!!! I burst into flames and rise high above the ashes of past failures... I am the Risen Phoenix!

Haha... I'm done with my theory exams!!! At first I thought I was gonna do kinda terrible in them since all I did was last minute studying, but somehow, I found all my theory exams easy and smooth... I did my very best and I just hope my results meet my expectations. Just wanna thank my buddies that help me, had group studies with me and treated me like a fellow human being.

I'm home in Taiping!!! Now I know how true the saying is that there is no other place like home. I love huggin my darling dog Johnny, being around my family and MY ROOM!!!

Since the hostel are gonna have spring cleaning, we were all required to put all our stuffs in boxes or plastics with our names written on it. I started packing at 1am+ and stoped at 4am+ cause I was too dam tired. My parents said they were gonna reach my hostel at 1pm, so I decided to wake at 10am and continue packing. However, my mum had other plans due to her one night insomnia. I found myself waking up at 9am and be told by my mum that she was on her way to my place and was gonna reach around 10am. Of course I didn't get to pack all my stuff in time before they reach but I guess my mum must have been in a good mood cause I didn't get the usuall nagging from her.

Ok, I didn't really got away from her naggings, she did nag me bout one thing and that was about the amount of stuff that I was bringing home to Taiping. I think I took home 10 bags filled with stuff. Lol... After my parents cram the Myvi with my bags, I bid my fellow housemates farewell and its off to Lunch in Pulau Tikus and home after that.

At last! I'm home in Taiping! Everything feels sane again cause I'm acting a lil insanely happy lol! It's been years seen I've felt this way again. Even when I knew I was in really deep trouble by getting a fish bone stuck in my throat, I could still laugh about it and at the thought of me dying due to it or living with that bone stuck in my throat till I die. Haha! I tried everything from caughing it out, sticking my finger down my throat and swallowing food. Everything failed! In the end, I just got a torchlight and I saw the bone sticking in my throat. I gotto let the news out of the bag and my mum pulled the bone out with a pair of chopsticks. Haha! Strange enough, we all laughed at the situation.

All in all, I'm very happy today. It has really been such a long time since I've felt this way. I suddenly have this Christmast spirit for no reason and somehow been awarded with little pleasures such as twilight on MTV and my dad addicted to a mandarin drama series I bought. Tomorrow is another new blank page that needs to be written or read... Only time would tell...

My favourite depressed Quotes...

Depression hits again... My life in depressed quotes...

< It's getting colder now and the darkness consumes me. Depression is slowly creeping up. Maybe one day you'll actually care about me.

< I'm tired of being nice to people who don't give a shit about me. ( I really like this one)

< Sometimes the pain's too strong to bare...and life gets so hard you just don't care. You feel so alone you just sit and cry...every second you wish you could die. Then you start thinking who would care...if one day they woke up-and you weren't there.

< I could go on with my day and act like everything is okay. But as my life goes on it hurts more in every way.

< She can't hide no matter how hard she tries, her secret disguised behind the lies. And at night she cries away her pride, with eyes shut tight staring at her inside. All her friends know why she can't sleep at night, all her family asking is she alright. All she wants to do is get rid of this hell, well all she's got to do is stop kiddin herself. She can only fool herself for so long...

< Know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill the pain on the inside. ( another one that I really like...)

< I've been weak and I've been strong. I've been thru the fire and I've been thru the storm. Try to do right and I know I do wrong. Just be happy for me when my life is gone. Cause with no more hurt and no more tears, there will be no more pain and no more fears. No more people in my face that are not sincere. So smile for me when I'm no longer here.

< Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. ( really like this one)

< I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I wanna see. My world use to be worth living for, and now it's hard enough just to be me.

< I'm screwing up every little good thing I ever try to do. I was born to lose.
( I keep saying that to myself... Haizz...)

'~' You don't understand me and you never will. So don't start that shit 'bout knowin' how I feel. ( really love this one)

'~' Do you know what it's like to be me? Go through something not everyone can see? Do you know what it's like to walk in my shoes? Please stop judging me simply cause I'm not you... (Yeah!)

'~' Things are going crazy and I'm not sure who to blame. Everything is changing and I don't feel the same. I'm slipping through the cracks of floors I thought were strong. I'm trying to find a place where I feel like I belong.

'~' I think I'd do better on my own, no friends, no fights,just me...alone (Totally agree)

'~' I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.

'~' Behind this innocent smile of mine, lay words that go unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger, and hate, all repeating inside my head. (Love this)

'~' I just wanna end it all. Should I trip or should I fall. Wills omeone be there to catch me when I'm falling to the ground, or will I be there forever lying there with no sound. (some how Dreamt about it cause I'm still left there on the ground)

'~' Do you ever just get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody. You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy but at the same time you don't know exactly what is wrong either? (feeling it right now)

Failure...

Today I had my Garde Manger final practical exam. I woke up at 8am drowsy as ever cause I slept at 2am+... Reset my alarm to wake me up at 9am so that I can have another hour of sleep but I couldn't fall back to sleep cause I kept thinking of the exam... How was I going to do the plating, garnishing for the canape and so many more.

Got to college, slept at the cafeteria, did a few more things n time was up. I always thought when I was in the kitchen I would feel better and knew exactly what to do... Sadly, I wasted some of my precious time running around like a headless chicken in the kitchen figuring what to do next. In the end, I was late to present my product and my product was totally boring... T_T

When the Chef was elaborating n commenting about it, I was numb, tired, self criticizing and felt like running away. I didn't wanna be there at all. I felt terribly uncomfortable like a fish out of water...

All in all I felt beaten to the ground. My self criticisms hurt me n decreased whatever left of my self confidence to a zero.

French Oral exam...

Ok... Its finals again and before I sit for my final French theory exam, I have to go through this Oral test which I had an hour ago...

How was it? All I can say is GG la... Here is how it went...
Sorry if my spelling is wrong... My French is worst than my English...

Knock knock knock... I open the door n went in...
Me: Bonjour(a church mouse squeek)
Mr.R: Bonjour. Introduce yourself.
Me: Je Mahppele Stephanie Cheng. Je suis Malaysienne. J'habite a Penang. Je suis dix-huit ans. Je suis etudiante a KDU COllege Penang... (shaky voice with 'umm' n 'ahh' in intervals)
Mr.R: PLease describe for me Shan.
Me: Pardon?
Mr.R: Like tall or short, hair colour of Shan.
Me: Shan? (a few seconds of silence tat felt like a lifetime...)
Me: Shan? Prashant??? (an indian classmate of mine)
Mr.R: Yeah, Prashant.
Me: Oh! Ok. Ummm... Il est grande, et a les cheaveux noir... et les yeux brune.
Mr.R: Ok... Yong.
Me: Rebecca? ( another one of my classmates cause I thought I heard him say Rebecca)
Mr.R: Yong Tien How.
Me: Pardon?
Mr.R: Yong Tien How. (pointing at his name at the name list)
Me: Je nuh Se puh (I thought he wanted me to describe him but I wasn't sure who he was)
Mr.R: No, call him to come. He is next. I only ask you 3 questions. Thats it.
Me: Oh! Ok ok... Haha... =.=''

N I walked out of the room...

3 Questions? He only asked me 2... Was Bonjour a question? I thought he heard my very soft bonjour n was replying my bonjour... All the people who went in before me was asked at least 5 questions... Why I only got 2??? I'm paranoid!!! I feel like sinking to the bottom of the ocean... I'm sinking sinking sinking....

Tomorrow I'm having Garde Manger Final practical exam!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!

If only I could be there for you...

OMG. I just got the saddest news about my dog, Brownie. I still remember the last day I saw her at home. Before I got in the car, I was thinking to myself that 'Who knows that this might just be the last time I see her'. I didn't wanna believe that and I told myself that I was just thinking nonsense... Dam bloody hell it was true. That was the last time I saw, pat and hugged her.

Brownie was my dearest dog I ever had. She was always my favourite cause she was such a lady. Always coming up to me with her curled up tail wagging so ever happily. She was a gift from my sister's friend 8 years ago and till this day, Brownie's mother is still alive. I still can play back a flash of the memory of exactly how everything went... She was so tiny that we can put her into a shoe box and in there, she fell asleep till we reached home. The first few nights, she cried due to lonelyness till we had to let her in and sleep in my sister's room. A growing pup would always find trouble and she did exactly that by chewing on shoes and digging. It drove mum crazy but I was always there to defend her.

After 2 years or so, we got Lassie. Brownie was her companion and it made the first few nights tolerable. Lassie always played with Brownie till one day when both of them were tied up close to each other, Lassie nearly lossed her paw due to the chains being entangled around it. Luckily we were in time to save her paw. After that, we never chain them close to each other anymore. Instead we got them a cage big enough for two big dogs.

In 2004, I started training Brownie and I got to teach her a few tricks. She was such a fast learner cause she could remember the hand signals and commands I gave her. During my last visit in Taiping, I tested her again and she could still do it. She was the first dog I ever trained succesfully. The first dog I ever had that can carry out the shake hand command which I had thought her with or without treats. Just remembering those memories are making me tear up...

Brownie was always afraid of fireworks and I still can remember those nights that I would hold her in my arms and hum her a tune just to make her less afraid. She was always there when I needed someone to hug. She was always there when I needed her. But where was I when she needed me? A dog's love for their owner is unconditional. Whenever I go for long trips and come back, she would crookedly run towards me and wag her tail furiously. When she reach me, she will jump on me and I'll hug her. I'll miss those moments the most cause the next time I go back to Taiping, there won't be a furry brown dog to come running crookedly towards me anymore... The plain sigh would be just too unbearable.

The thing that puzzles me is, why my parents didn't tell me and my sister the sad news. It was my neighbur who told my sis who reached me. I was so shocked that I could say a word or even think for a moment. I just can't believe she is gone. I never even get to see her go or say my last goodbyes before her burial... I'll never forget this day cause she died in the morning. Michael Jackson's funeral...

My darling Brownie... You will always be in my heart and never forgotten just like Lassie, my german sheppard... I'll love you forever... May you rest in peace my dearest sweetest dog. It is true when they say the best breed of dog is a no breed at all...

College!!!!!

Wow... Ok...

I finally found the time to write a new post in my blog... This time I'm just gonna write bout college life though I've already been in college for 3 months... For those who don't know... My parents forced me to defer my NS and go to KDU college Penang for the March intake. What course I'm taking??? Well, most of my friends thinks it's hillarious, some say I'm not gonna suceed in it and a few of my close friends think I'm gonna do really well. Ok, I'll get straight to the point... Diploma in Professional Chef Training...

Why I choosed that course? Well...

1)I'm interested in cooking since I was little
2)It does not involve subjects that I really hate
3)I might get to go overseas to further my studies/work there
4)A chef's income is very high (I wanna be rich! lol)
5)I wanna be a celebrity Chef (Don't laugh...)

KDU is a fun place to study but the problem with me is... I can't speak Mandarin and most of the Chef students are mandarin speakers... 3 Months de I'm there but I still can't be comfortable with my classmates... I hate myself for being shy!!! There is nothing wrong with my classmates of course, I'm just very... Haizz...

So far, I have learnt how to bake different types of cake, Quiche, Choux Pastry, Buns, how to cook different types of soups, sauces, stocks, potatoes, vegetables, salads, eggs, butcher chicken, duck, lamb, beef, fish(seabas n Salmon), turkey, game(quail n venison) and shellfish which included Lobsters... Hehehe... The funny thing is... Everything we cook, will end up in our stomachs! Haha...

Now, finals are coming! Getting nervous lol. I got loads of pressure now since I really wanna get all A's... By the way, I suceeded in getting a scholarship, The Star Education Fund Sholarship to be exact. I gotto prove that I do deserve the scholarship so that it won't be taken back lol. Fiuh... Pressure man...

Well, I guess that wraps it up... Gotto study de lor... But very hard since my laptop keeps calling my name. Cannot play play de! Must get all A's! Gambateh!!!