Insomniac Dreamer...

Loosing it... I guess it's the only way I could figure out whats wrong... and eventually find myself again...

2012-01-29T08:53:00.000-08:00

Wow... My last post in here was when I was still in Germany. Well, I came back to Malaysia 4 months ago and here I am again... It seems that, everytime I'm attacked by depressive thoughts, I come here to find solace in my own writing. I guess it's the only way for me to free myself from the hell I've created in my own head.

Many things have happened during my time in Germany and there was a period of time I was actually fine. When I came back to Malaysia, that was when things started to go a little out of control. My original plan was to spend the last 3 months of year 2011 practicing my cooking by cooking at home, learn some recipes from my Mother and Grandmother, and take really good care of my pets. Stefan my rabbit and Johnny my dog. Then I will start the year 2012 by searching for a job in Taiping and working there for 3 months, so that I could save money, gain working experience and be around to take care of my pets. After that, I will head to Penang and work there.

However, due to my inability to express myself, all my plans crashed and burned. I know I dissapointed 'them' when I failed to get a job offer and continue working there in Germany. Do 'they' actually know how much I wanted to continue working there? How much I wanted to improve myself... How much I wanted that job offer. How much I wanted to speak their language. How much I wanted to befriend all of them. How much it hurt when I failed to do so? How sad I was to leave Germany after spending 6 months there. I loved every moment of it and I only wish I could have helped the restaurant better.

Maybe I was too good in keeping all the bad stuff locked away. People knew I was sad. Everyone can see that... I can sense all the judgement in their look. Friends and family would tell me to be happy and forget about the bad stuff. No point in being sad, share that sadness and spread it around like a disease, eventhought I'm actually suffering in silence. Did anyone even think that I tried so many different methods to get myself out of depression, before they start judging me? How hard it was to find something to make me happy. How it hurts when that source of happiness is taken away from me or when it stoped making me happy? How I failed time and time and time again, and yet am still around till this day?

I took all the blame and suffer. Instead of helping me unselfishly, they selfishly give me advice that actually make themselves feel really good about themselves. And I unselfishly let them. Do they actually realise the damage they have caused? I advice those people to watch a movie called 'Taare Zameen Par' while keeping an open mind. It's a Hindi movie and Amir Khan stars and directed in it. In one scene, Amir Khan brought up a legend about Soloman Island. It is said that to clear a land for farming, the tribals would just gather around a tree/forest and curse it with bad demeaning words till eventually, the tree/forest would wither away.

I'm drifting off again... Well, my plans crashed and burned. I was very tired when I came back to Malaysia, so I decided to take a week to just relax and do nothing cause I don't know when I'm ever going to get the chance to do that ever again. I know I'll devote all my time and energy to my work once I get into gear. Then, 'they' guilt me into having a job and I am a sucker, so I let them push me around again.

I wasn't ready, wasn't prepared and was going againts what I really wanted to do. How am I to be happy? Well, I tried to make things work and stay positive. Took the job in Penang and tried my best to cope with it. Tried to stay positive and ignore my feelings of regreat, guilt and failure. Bitched about some things, but I'm still here! If I don't BITCH about it, I don't think I could have made it till 2012.

I did well for 2 months and a half. Then, I saw an oppurtunity to head back to my original plan. To work and care for my pets in Taiping. Get oppurtunities to learn and cook with my Grandmother as well as my best friend's mother who recently suffered from a light stroke. Have all the things to stay active, be motivated and save money... That was when I was hit with the 'Dilema'...

To never see my pets ever again, or to never be able to work in the Hard Rock Hotel Penang ever again... I still have 24 hours to decide and I think I've already decided it(not really sure about it. "It's complicated"). I've cried so hard... I don't know if it is the right thing to do, but whatever mistake I make... I pay for it dearly and I know I deserve all the punishment that comes my way... Because of 'them'... I will continue to suffer, eventhought I know... 'They' will never ever be happy with whatever I do. They will never know or understand the sacrifices I made. I'm willing to live my life in sadness for 'them'... Cause thats what I do for love... My first priority in life was never 'I'... I guess I lied in PDP and also to myself.

Funny... In an episode of 'Friends'... Joey told Phoebe that there was no such thing as an unselfish good deed. Maybe I found the unselfish good dead that some people do... I still can't be sure because I don't really know if I actually enjoy being sad or am I just trying to be positive... It's complicated...

Only GOD can change my plan now, but I know the decisions that GOD make is similar to the 'Sorting Hat' of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry...

I'm in Germany!!! Story of my life?

2011-05-09T20:50:00.000-07:00

Wow! It's been such a long time since my last post here in my blog. The Insomniac Dreamer is back and had another sleepless night thanks to my F'king mind that keep filling me with worrying thoughts.

So... I'm in GERMANY! Ever since my trip back and fourth from Taiping to Penang in November last year, I've been traveling non stop. Went to Langkawi for the first time and stayed at a friend's place for 3 days. Then, had my first flight ever to the Land down under! AUSTRALIA!!! Travelled around the Southern part of Perth... Came back to Malaysia on Christmast day... Had the last 3 freaking months of Hell in COLLEGE while having fun with my dearest housemates. Without them, I don't know where I would be right now... Maybe in an asylum or a mental instituition... And currently, I'M IN GERMANY!!! EUROPE!!! Without parents or any adult supervision...

Of course I'm here not on a holiday. I'm here to be trained and perhaps grow up to be a good Chef one day. I'm here to chase my dreams and live it! I'm so crazy about Europe and the Western part of the world. It feels like a dream being here... See, I'm dreaming again...

Okay, so here is the stats so far... I wanted to travel out of Malaysia since I was like 12 years old... Had a pen-pall in Australia and longed to fly there ever since. I've done that so far... Took me 7 years to fulfill that dream. Too bad I've lost contact with that pen-pall of mine, so I didn't really get to meet her like how we had wished to do so 7 years ago.

Then, fell in love with France and it's language when I was 14, all thanks to the band Simple Plan. They hail from Canada, but they speak French. Haha! Totally fell in love with the language and I found new interests. I started to have more interest in sports and always supporting Canada! Haha! From Commanwealth games to A1gp(Automobile 1 Grand Prix)... Always supported team Canada and France... Malaysia too of course but when it came to the diving and synchronised swimming during the Commanwealth games, it's CANADA all the way...

It's funny how I meet friends... It's always thanks to my interest. I guess people with the same interest will always be great friends. Haha! Knew a girl called Christin thanks to a TV-Chat about a Simple Plan video... From music to sports. Yeah... We were crazy girls. She made me watch F1 cause I said A1 was more interesting. Fell in love with F1 racing and gone FERRARI crazy...

I have always had a deep interest in languages. When I met my best friend when I was 16, I found the only person to have that same interest. She too love languages and she was espeacially interested in Espanyol. Haha! I actually learnt a little bit of Spanish when I was 13. I always did last minute homework. Since Form 1 and Form 2 is in the afternoon session, I always did my homework in the morning before going to school while watching tv. Dora the explorer! Haha! Thats how I learnt Spanish. My parents think I'm crazy to want to learn so many languages cause I wanted to buy a French phase book during my form 4 time and they were like, why do you want to waste money on this book? I'm the black sheep of the family, always the weird one.

Well, thanks to my best friend, I ended up being a huge football fan! ARSENAL! The UK!!! Fell in love with the hot Dutch striker and it was NETHERLANDS all the way. ROBIN VAN PERSIE!!! ORANJE!!! WOO!!! KOM MAAR OP JULLIE ORANJE! Got in contact with Christin again and she was crazy over GERMANY... Phillip Lahm, Podolski, Ballack and bla bla bla... Heck! She even learnt the language and she is so good in German now... I have no idea how she learnt it that quick.

Culinary was something that hit me out of the blue. Must have been my mother because she always love to watch cooking shows on the telly and we had the AFC channel. That was when I discovered Gordon Ramsay. The culinary tract was my one way ticket to escape Form 6 and perhaps give me the wings to fly. Travel, to see the world, fame and fortune... Yeah, I WANT IT ALL!!! Tried for a scholarship, got it and I was in college. That was when language turned ugly on me...

FUCK! I'm CHINESE but I can't speak the most important dialect... MANDARIN... Never worked in my life, always thought that being good in school is the most important thing thanks to that school that made me mentally ill. The ugly truth is, it's still all about the money in the end of the day. Fame and reputation too... I can't fit in with knowledgeable people and can't fit in with the not so knowledgeable people... I guess I just don't fit in anywhere, or I just haven't found it yet. Eventhough my college life was hell, but I still had a lot of fun in my hostel life!

I MADE INTERNATIONAL FRIENDS!!! I will never forget the day I met my first international best friend... Oh Haliunaa I miss u so much... I never thought I would ever befriend someone from Mongolia before, but it happened! I got to learn her culture and even her language... Well, just a little bit. Haha! She thought me how to loosen up and just have fun! Then there was the twins and a guy who is now her fiancee... I can only hope the help and hospitality I provided them made their stay in Malaysia a great ever lasting memory...

To sum it all up... My dream is to travel, experiece new cultures, learn new languages and make more international friends! Now that I'm actually here in Europe... It does feel like I'm living in my dream... Maybe when it is over, I might never wake up again...

Nightmares... A Confession...

2011-01-07T09:34:00.000-08:00

OK, so I'm back from Australia, and also back to post another depressing post in my blog which you would already see coming when you saw the title of this post. Yet again, I'm having trouble sleeping cause I just need to write everything down.

It's the New Year, and I know that after the trip to Australia and welcoming the new year would mean a fresh new beginning for me. Sadly, my first week of year 2011 seems to be awfully depressing and it just continues where I left things... So much have changed this past few days. I just had a very bad feeling on the day before I left my house to come to Penang. It was even bad enough to keep me in a bad mood throughout the whole journey here and being rude to my parents just made things worst for me.

I had to move houses since KDU kicked the girls and I out of the hostel apartment in the 5th floor of a residential apartment building. Then, I had to go to college freaking early in the morning and class started on that day itself. From Monday to Thursday, I had to walk to college freaking 7.30am and carry out my project module class till late afternoon. Whats worst is, on Monday and Wednesdays, I still have Entrepreneurship class from 3pm till 6pm. After walking and standing all 6 hours, I was freaking tired and fell asleep in class. How in the world am I to pass my final theory exam now when I can't even concentrate in class...

Time seems to fly these days... I can't even catch up anymore till I no longer have the ability to actually differentiate dreams from reality. My depression has actually got worst and I don't know if I can... I don't know... Words seem to... Urgh...

I just want to slip into nothingness... Sleep and dream forever... Live in my dreams but whats the point of living forever in your dreams when you can't die. Am I turning into a vampire subconsciously? I live in sadness and a place in my heart that is dark but wonderful cause I feed on it... Happiness only steel things away from me and could actually kill me. However, I'm the good type of vampire where the dark is just my curse... I don't want it but I am forced to need it. I have to accept it or I'll die. Good vampires walk during the day. They could only survive by protecting their mind... Well, not really, but from the book 'Vampire Diaries' written by L.J. Smith, vampires re stand sunlight by wearing a charmed lapis lazuli ring.

From research, I fould out that the stone could protect oneself from bad thoughts and the tortures of the mind. Hmm... Lets just stick to Good triumphs Evil for now...

I'm not a psychologist or anything but this is my metaphor. When you are cursed/gifted without a choice to be different in ways that no one could actually understand, our weaknesses are different. Everything about the sun is positive, warm, vibrant and produces life... To a vampire, it is their main weakness and the cause of their death. Why? You would have to wait for my book that I might publish in the future... 'Stephanie's Psychology about vampires'... Or it might come out in a fiction novel... Hahaha!

Why am I talking about vampires anyway? I here to point out the fact that my mind is actually driving me into a state of insanity. Every positive thing is being taken away from me... I actually felt lighter tonight after watching the movie 'Eat, Pray, Love' with my buddies. However, things got bad when I tried to fall asleep. Thoughts started to run through my head and I tried to just clear my mind... To just stop thinking... But I soon realised that it was totally impossible... So I tried positive thinking... Going back to a dream I used to have where I faced mirrors that had my reflection in it... All were good except one... It was the portal to all my fears... Who knew this creature of the night was actually afraid of the dark...

The reflection on the mirror was something out of a horror movie... Yet, I still decide to step through the mirror and face my fears... It was too much! It came to a point... Okay... I think I better write that part in the afternoon in my next post cause it's too terrifying to relief it now... Even writing about it would send chills down my spine and paranoia sets it... The image is burned into my memory and every time I close my eyes, there it is... The reason why I'm up all night writing this post right now... Being awake and writing this in total darkness is not helping either... Fear can be read on my face and every sound I hear is making my anxiety rise... My roommate just talked in her sleep just now and I got a fright... I'm being like a panic stricken horse right now...

My life is full of fear and I can't save myself from it... It consumes me and kills me every single day.

Awakening...

2010-11-20T08:33:00.000-08:00

It just occur to me that, my sleepless nights are often caused by my thoughts. I just have to write it all down before I regret it as I will soon forget about the things that I just thought of that are important to me. Okay, it's complicated and I'm not one that is good at explanations, so bare with me...

It's been a long time since I had a nice flowing conversation with anyone at all. In this case, my best friend. However, today she seem to be in the mood to talk. She called me and I was expecting for the long awkward silences to just make me come up with stupid excuses to just end the conversation, but it didn't happen tonight. Instead, we just kept on talking and our conversations were just like the ones we had during the first few years of our friendship.

These days she just kept going on about her bf and problems which really annoyed me cause I was starting to get tired of it. Our usually conversations are often about boys, relationships, religious issues, children, family and all sorts of funny and interesting stuffs that can go on and on and on. Having to talk about those things to her again truly opened my eyes and made me realise about the things that were bugging me... The reason for my aggressive behaviour, moody expressions and being lost in my depression...

Of course I can't write it down in my blog. It's too personal and it's mainly due to the fact that the problem lies in my family. Now I realise why teenagers act the way they should not, when their main problem is raised by family troubles. I never thought I would go through it, but it seems that every teenager will face such problems even though it may be their last year as one. Heck, I'm bloody 19... Once I turn 20, I have no idea what problems I'd have to face as an adult... I can't be acting like a teen anymore...

One thing I can tell is, I think my parents can't feel that I love them. Can't blame them for that cause the way I lash out at them and the way I talk is straightforward, insensitive and often cold. Other than that, I'm always searching for something or someone that I can love. For example, a band, hobby, role model, pet and even any guy. Which reminds me of a dream I had 5 years back. It was this dream that I remembered today that made me realise my hypothesis about my parents.

5 years ago, I started to fall in love with music. Not the music my parents wanted me to like, but really rock, punk, dark and really loud music. They never encountered this problem with my sister, and I think they saw evil in me. I was and am a problematic person till this day and I think they are getting tired with it. OK, back to the story... I went crazy fanatic over Simple Plan, Good Charlotte and Green Day. I was crazy in love with Good Charlotte's singer, Joel Madden that time, and he had all this tattoos and dark image. I just can't resist that darkness in people, and this guy has a twin brother! How cool is that!

The dream that I had, included my Mum, sister and Good Charlotte. I think this dream happened during that time I won tickets to Good Charlotte's live concert in Malaysia which I couldn't attend thanks to my parents. In the dream, I was having a party at my house. The party guest were mostly people that I really don't know, but Good Charlotte was there. Joel, Benji, Chris and Billy. I think it was the end of the party when everyone left, I was alone with Joel. I told him that I loved him and was willing to do just anything for him. He just looked at me and said, and I quote,

"Love your parents first, then only you can love me.".

Stubborn as usual, I said to him that I already love my parents enough to love him and he just smiled at me. I walked towards my parents bedroom and my mum and sis was in there. I crashed onto the bed and started begging them to allow me to go to GC's concert.

That's the only thing I remembered of that dream. It's amazing how I could remember it till this day. Of course I don't love Joel anymore after his stupid decision to be with Nicole Richie... However, I still have a thing for twins and still can't believe it that my first official bf happened to have a twin brother... Sad truth is, and this is my quote, so I quote...

"People always want things that they can't have but in the end, can't appreciate
the things that they already have..."

Okay, that just came out from nowhere... My deepness seems to amazes me every time...

Someone criticised me by saying that I'm like a child that like to put on adult clothes and act like a grown up... Well, I think it's better to act mature instead of being an absolute immature fool.

Hence, tonight's conclusion from my insomniac dreaming is... I have really really really troubling issues that I just can't fix yet. A solution have to be planed out and put into action before everything starts falling apart. First, I have to finish my final theory exams the best I could and only then start thinking of ways to solving my problems.

Life of an Insomniac Dreamer... -Dealing with Depression-

2010-11-10T10:13:00.001-08:00

Yet again I have been hit by insomnia... Thought it's not serious, but for a 19 year old to suffer from this in a weekly basis, it's really disturbing. I'm an insomniac dreamer cause I often dream even though I'm wide awake. True, if you call that day dreaming, but whenever I'm hit by Insomnia... I seem to channel into my subconscious mind, trying to know myself better. I believe our dreams that we have when we are sleeping or in a state of subconscious reflects on our past history, memories and maybe project what we predict or hope for in the future. Alright, it's still consider as day dreaming... What can I say, I'm a dreamer... Therefore, an Insomniac Dreamer...

Insomnia usually hits me when I'm depressed, lonely, worried and just can't stop thinking. That is why I project the scenes of the past I remember, play out scenes from my memories and also scenarios that could take place in my future... It's how I reflect on myself I guess and in a good way, Insomnia seems to help cause during the night is the only time that I am truly alone and is able to let myself be vulnerable. However, it also reminds me of extreme loneliness which really sucks.

I'm a loner by nature but I crave for love and attention too. I know... It's really selfish of me. Actually, to tell you the truth... I don't know what I want and what I need. I only know that not getting what I want and what I need will truly suck and make me even more depressed. Don't all of us feel that way? It's just the way I self critic myself about this things that make me very pissed off... I know setting goals are one way to motivating our self to get what we want and what we need. It's just that, I'm a very sensitive person and the people around me affects me in many different way.

Being misunderstood and treated as if I'm such a moron that can't think what is right for me and that being depressed is really bad for me, is not really helping... Can't blame them thought cause I don't communicate much and they don't really have time to be my psychiatrist. My advice to those that want to help someone who is depressed is, never advice anyone who is depressed. It's as simple as that! So, rule number one is, NEVER ADVICE THE DEPRESSED!!!

First, listen to them and try to understand what they are feeling as well as what they are going through... If they seem to stay silent in their room, avoid small talk and are not acting their usual happy selves, you may think they just want to be left alone. It's something I like to call 'Lock down' where I just want to lock myself out from everything and not feel anything at all.

It's how I protect myself from further abuse in the form of words, critics and judgement. During 'Lock down', the depressed would find somewhere that they can be alone, usually in our room where we would just loose ourselves in thought. Most will think that we just want to be alone and not talk to anyone. Actually, it is true for the first 10-15 minutes, but after that, all they want is for someone they love to listen to their complaints and hopefully understand what they are going through. Which brings me to rule number two... NEVER ASSUME AND ACT AS IF YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!!!

When we pour all our feelings out to you, we are actually at the most vulnerable position ever. That is why, quote:

"You don't understand me and you never will. So don't start that shit 'bout knowing' how I feel."

It really pisses me off when people that want me to feel better when I'm depressed act all GOD in front of me. As if they know every f'king thing about life and make you feel like a total moron! I don't even think God would even do such a thing cause he would know how to enlighten the depressed with his kind and thoughtfulness. This leads to rule number three... ONLY GOD CAN ADVICE THE DEPRESSED!!!

After listening to what the depressed had to say, don't say anything... If they seem to need a hug or someone to hold them, just do it... It is very important to calm them down and let them release all their worries and problems that they are facing. Ask them nicely to just put all their trust in you and tell them to seek advice from God. They may seem reluctant at first, but the depressed is willing to do whatever to seek forgiveness and just get out from being depressed. Heck! People always assume that people who are depressed wants to stay that way forever cause they enjoy it more than being happy. It's really annoying! All we want is to be understood!

I believe that there is a God. To earn the trust of the depressed that you are dealing with, you have to take the lead and be a good leader. Like I mentioned before, we are at our most vulnerable position and taking advantage of us would make things far more worst. We already entrust you with our life by opening up to you, so your next move could actually kill us. Remember, betrayal is our worst enemy. We don't want stupid, crappy advice from you, we need good caring instructions. If the matter can be solved, just suggest them on what to do and if their request is reasonable, just go with it. If you have no idea on how to solve their problem, just tell them to close their eyes, try to talk to God, and trust themselves once you leave their room. Just give them a comforting smile and leave...

To be clear, it may not work on everybody of course cause these are just my opinions. I'm not a psychiatrist, or a counselor but I am a teenager that is going through depression. We are the ones that have to face today's society and things have changed throughout the years. You may think you know the Hell that we are going through because you have been through that period a few years ago, but it is never the same. I remember a quote from my best friend's dad and it is...

"The only thing in life that is permanent is change."

Well, morning is here and life goes on one way or another... Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight. Please rate and comment... Maybe share a few of your depressed quotes or stories with me... :)

For the depressed, I can only suggest you one thing... When you feel like giving up, all hope is gone and could only resort to one thing which is to end your f'king misery... Just listen to more of Good Charlotte, Simple Plan or whatever music that you are willing to live for. Songs like GC's 'Hold On', SP's 'Perfect', 'Shut Up', 'Untitled' and 'Welcome to my life' has truly saved me a few times during my secondary life. It reminds me that, there are people out there that actually cares about those that are depressed and want them to keep holding on. Today, I live to listen to Muse... I am willing to go through whatever hell just to keep listening to their songs and hopefully meet them one day. I know most of you guys have done the same, so tell me what music you guys like to listen too. Therefore, before I end this post... Remember, I am here and I believe all of you who are depressed out there... I believe you guys can go through this and keep holding on cause I believe in you guys... Peace out... ;p

If only life is fair... -Goodbyes-

2010-11-10T00:12:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long absent again... I've been just caught up with work and a lot of melodramatics. Here is the last instalment of the "If only life is fair" series of post... Enjoy...

It was not long before I had to say goodbye to each of my friends that I had made during my third semester in KDU College Penang. My college life still sucks as bad as my previous semesters but the conditions of my hostel life was wonderful.

In April, we celebrated two birthdays. Hooi Ling on the 12th and Haliunaa on the 15th. We celebrated Hooi Ling's in Gurney plaza with a 3D Movie titled "How to Train Your Dragon". A highly anticipated movie and I was so excited till I messed up the sitting arrangements. We kept sitting at the wrong row of seats and had to change rows and seats like 3 times at least. Haha!!! I bought a cake for her and the party continued back in the Hostel. Ok... I know I look ugly in that pic but the memory will always be beautiful...

I think we are sitting in the right row of seat this time and what a better way to apologize by asking that person to take a pic of us. Haha!

We brought the party back to the hostel! I think there is a ghost behind Ling. Hahahaha!!!

Next was Haliunaa's turn to celebrate her birthday, but because it's her first time celebrating it in Malaysia and Penang itself, we just had to go all out and make it as memorable as possible for her. The story is in my previous post, so I'm just gonna link it...

3B's... Birthday, Beach and the Best day EVER!!!

http://punkdogsvp711rvp.blogspot.com/2010/04/3bs-birthday-beach-and-best-day-ever.html

Magical Night at the Beach...

http://punkdogsvp711rvp.blogspot.com/2010/04/magical-night-at-beach.html

Sadly, those were the last wonderful time we had together cause it was time to say goodbye from one person to the other. First person to leave was Huei. Next was Nicole and during that last day with Nicole, we had another trip to Ferringhi but it wasn't as wonderfull as the time we had there during Haliunaa's b'day... Only Hooi Ling, Nicole, Haliunaa, another housemate of ours, and I went.

After Nicole, it was Javka. Soon, it was time for Haliunaa to go back to Mongolia and it was sad to see her leave. We had to have a farewell party in the hostel filled with games and funny funny things which everyone enjoyed. Haliunaa once caught me playing the guitar and I promised her that I would play a song for her. Hence, on that night, I played and sang Muse's 'Undisclosed Desires' and it was the first time I ever sang and played the guitar for someone. It wasn't smooth and I kept doing a lot of misstakes but with more practice, I could have perfected it.

When it got really late, we decided to call it a night and head to sleep but a few minutes after that, the whole building lost electricity and everything was pitch black. That is when we decided that the party must go on! One thing led to another, and lets just say things got out of control at one point. We played so many stupid games and I got into very awkward situations with both of the twins. Lol.

In the morning, it was time to see Haliunaa get on the Taxi and start her long journey back to her birth place, Mongolia. We hugged, hid some tears away and promised each other that distance will never destroy our friendship. No doubt it was sad, but her four months in Malaysia will be remembered by all of us.

After Haliunaa's departure, I got to know the twins better and got too close to one of them. I never in a million years would have thought that my first ever official relationship would be with a Mongolian. Seriously, I never thought of it. However, just like the title of my series of post, life is never fair. It was a bittersweet relationship which both of us realise would end one way or another.

I could only remember 3 scenes where I had to cross the straits of Melacca that devides Penang from the mainland with tears in my eyes. First was during a car ride I had crossing the sea by the Penang bridge. I was going back to my grandmother's house at midnight after my grandfather's funeral procession. I did it very silently, lying down on the back seat. That was the night I decided never to shed another tear during my grandfather's funeral cause he would not like to see his beloved family members sad. Second time was during a ferry ride I had to take with my parents to Penang. I was having college troubles with my classmates and wasn't looking forward to going back to that sad place. My Mum started scolding me with some shit and I lost it. I really felt like jumping off the ferry ending my missery.

The last scene was the day the twins left Malaysia. That was the moment I felt truly alone because they were leaving and the girls at the hostel were not in good terms with me, even Hooi Ling. The journey back to Taiping was the longest one I ever had and the loneliest one too.

Well, that is the end. I know... Where is the happy ending right. Sadly, there is no happy ending to this series of post... just wonderful memories that would stay with me till my last day. Even if that day were to end my story in a sad ending, but by looking back on those happy times I had shared with the people I love, it's good enough for me... Reminds me of one of My Chemical Romance song that had this lyric...

"I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene..."

So, thats how I'm gonna end this post... Thanks for reading... :)

If only life is fair... -Double Trouble-

2010-08-02T11:06:00.000-07:00

It's not long before I got to see double. Yup, it's time to bring in the twins into this story cause every story needs a guy in it, but this is better cause the guy happen to have a twin brother.

Usually, Haliunaa, Hooi Ling, Nicole and I would always go to college together on the shuttle bus together in the morning for our morning classes. We would always arrive 15 minutes early to college and just spend that time talking in front of their English class since I and Hooi Ling had nothing better to do in the morning. It was still that period of time where Hooi Ling and Haliunaa kept teasing Nicole with the twins. I'm curious to see them and so was Hooi Ling but the boys weren't there till the last minute. We were leaving for our class and Haliunaa pointed out the boys. They were climbing up the stairs and cause I was rushing for time since I didn't like to be late for classes, I only noticed one of them. His name is Bayarbatar but call him Baadai, same age as I, wearing white with a red checkered shirt on top, short trimmed hair and kind of cute. Oh yeah, and he had piercings in his ear. How cool is that? Maybe I had glaced a moment at the brother, but I just can't remember and I didn't dare to stare at them for more than a second cause I wouldn't wanna be caught staring. The twin brother, his name is Bayarbat and we know him as Badu. Haliunaa asked my opinion on how they looked and I said, not bad. Haha! They were cute but still average looking and common. Lol.

It wasn't hard to differentiate the two apart. One had really short and trimmed hair and the other normal with a slight faux hawk hairstyle. Besides, one likes to wear black and the other is always seen wearing white. How cute is that? Their face is also different but I just can't figure out what the difference is. No doubt they look really alike since they were twins, but there was a feature in their face that made them look different. I guess I'll never figure it out cause till today, I just can't figure it out. Haha...

Then, came the day Haliunaa wanted to introduce I and Hooi Ling to the twins. We planed to eat at some Mamak shop the twins wanted to bring Haliunaa to, which the twins thought was an Indian shop. I had to work in the I-lab that day and Hooi Ling accompanied me while I was working. Sudenly, one of the twins came in and I just couldn't help smiling cause I knew him but he didnt know me and he had no idea that we were about to eat lunch together very soon. Ironic right. It was hard comtrolling my facial expressions and Hooi Ling was like telling me about the ironic information. That was the first time I had clear sight of him and the irony continues when I had to help him with the printer thing. Stupid Queueserver thing! Thank God I don't have to deal with that problem anymore today since they upgraded the server. I acted as if he was just another student and wanted to do something funny, but of course I didn't. Haha. He left after he printed his assignments.

Haliunaa and Nicole was waiting outside and after I finished my shift, went to meet up with them. It seems that we will meet up with the other twin which was Baadai downstairs and wait for Badu before going down. He must be handing in his recently printed assignment and when he was walking towards us, I just didn't know where to look at. He was suprised of course and we introduced each other. We didn't shake hands or anything, just acknowledged each other and I guess we were all shy accept for Haliunaa of course. I notice that Badu is kind of shy and a little bit more to himself kind of person. Quiet and reserved. When we met Baadai downstairs, the way he greeted us was totally different and that was when I noticed how different their personalities was. Baadai was cheerful, friendly and had the joyous smile I've ever seen. I was shy and just said a simple hi to him. I think he noticed that and just smiled at me. Hooi Ling on the other hand, got a hand shake with him. Haha! She was suprised and all shy about it. Lol.

We walked and we walked till we reached the shop. It wasn't easy to feel comfortable with them cause everthing felt so awkward and funny in a way, but I still tried to be friendly and just smile. They did asked me some funny questions and I felt happy to answer those questions eventhough they had no idea what the hell I was talking about. Haliunaa had to translate everything and most of the conversation was between themselves which was really interesting to me. I love listening to people communicating in their own language eventhough I have no clue whatsoever what they are talking about. For me, it's just so interesting. Even sign language is fun to watch.

I guess the friendship started when the boys moved into the same building as us. we lived in the fifth floor and they moved into the eight floor. Their first visit, it was still all awkward and silent. I remember I, Hooi Ling and Haliunaa just came back from watching Alice in Wonderland 3D that day. Nicole, Huei and the other girls went back to their hometown as usuall. First it was Baadai who came cause Badu was still on his way. I and Hooi Ling was so shy that we kept hiding in our room and Haliunaa kept asking us to come out to socialise. It was so funny the way I and Hooi Ling were trying to pluck up enough courage to go out there. When we came out, both the twins were there and we decided to play some card games. That was then ice was broken and we finaly felt comfortable with each other. It was the first time I saw Badu open up, be cheerful and enthusiastic. We had fun playing cards and laughed at the silly moments during a snap game. I was so bad in that game cause I'm still not comfortable touching anybody's hand aspeacially boys. Shocking for those who knew me during Primary school I know, but being in an all girl school can change a person dramaticly. We even talked about movies that night and If I'm not mistaken, we did watched 'Meet the Fockers' that night.

Not long after that, they visited our hostel weekly and kept playing cards. Baadai is such a player and all he wants to do is win, win and win. Most of the time, it's always Baadai who come down to play regardless the time and Badu will only join us sometimes. There are times I feel like going back to those days and relive the moments. I trully miss those times and could never forget it no matter how hard I try cause those moments are just to wonderful to forget.

I know most who read, if anybody does read this must be wondering who is 'The Guy' in the story... Well, for Haliunaa it's a different guy. A friend of the twins which I would tell in the continuation of this series of post. For me, I never thought 'The guy' in my story will happen to be one of the twins, cause I've never really seem to be interested in any one of them, but everything changed after that thaks to one beautiful, almost magical and panoramic night I will never ever forget for my whole entire life.

If only life is fair... -Really Good Times-

2010-08-02T10:23:00.000-07:00

During the Chinese New Year, I invited Haliunaa to celebrate the celebrations together, from Butterworth, Penang to my home in Taiping, Perak. I wanted her to experience the culture and what Chinese New Year is all about here in Malaysia. During her time in Taiping, we went to the Taiping Museum and visited the zoo with Hema, Hooi Ling and her sister. Hooi Ling just had to loose her purse at the zoo. Haizz...
The best part was the open house I had at my home for the festivities. Hooi Ling and her family was there, Hema and her family was there and Johnny was wearing his new chinese Sam Foo... Haha! He looked so amazingly cute and adorable. It was my dad's birthday too and we all did a stupid suprise for him. Haha! The fan was on and the candles went off. It was so hillarious!

The time we had in Taiping was fun of course, but we had to go back to Penang and the fun continued there. I can't remember what occasion was it, but I could only remember one thing. Well, two actually... Pizza and Alcohol. Hahahahahaha.... It was a girls's night at the hostel(Shh... Can't bring alcohol into the hostel lol). We had 2 cans of Carlsberg, 2 bottles of Vodca and one bottle of red wine. Total percentage of Alcohol combined, I guess it must have been 40% at least. We played 'Truth or Dare' and could not stop laughing our ass off. I will never ever forget about that night cause I was the only one brave enough to choose dare since everyone kept sticking with truth. No fun it all we do is tell the truth... Lol, so in the end, I was the craziest girl that night. Not drunk, but crazy. Haha!

Before that night, we had another outing together, the 5 of us. I guess it was the last outing we had with Huei cause the rest of the outing was without her. We went to Queensbay and just being funny, I suggested to have our dinner in T-Bowl. A toilet concept restaurant serving really delicious chinese and western food. Haliunaa was kind of grossed out with the concept of the restaurant, but in the end she still enjoyed the whole experienced. Hooi Ling wanted to taste the Poo Ice cream. Haha! Thank goodness she didn't cause if she did, I would have a hard time controlling my laughter. After that, we decided to take photos together in the picture booth. I was so excited cause I've never taken pictures with friends in a picture booth before and I was so noob about it. We went into the booth, and that is when all hell broke loose. The shop keeper must have thought we were a bunch of lunatics cause we couldn't stop laughing in histerics... It was so hillarious and I think that was the happiest moment I ever had in my 18 years of life! The pictures came out beautiful and each of us had two to keep. I'll never forget about the way we laughed in that small crammed photo booth. Trully the best!

If only life is fair... -Good Times-

2010-07-20T11:53:00.000-07:00

What happened that first month of year 2010 is something almost close to magical. I know it might sound stupid, but the four months we were going to have together was something beyond what we all expected. The first few days, no doubt Haliunaa was close to her roommates Huei and Nicole aspeacially Nicole since they were both in the same course and are studying in the same class. Roommates and classmates, sounds really comfortable when you came all the way from another country all alone and you don't really know anybody. Hooi Ling had no problem socializing and knows how to speak mandarin, so it was easier for her to befriend Nicole and Huei. I didn't know how to socialize and had to force myself to be more talkative but everything that came out from my mouth was either stupid questions or just total nonsense. However, they didn't seem to mind it that much compared to my classmates in college that allienate me because I'm different.

Then, came the night where Huei decided to bring Haliunaa to do some evening sigh seeing along with Nicole. No doubt I felt left out for not being included in the party at first, but it would be so inappropriate to ask to be included in an event where you are clearly not wanted. Furthermore, it was Huei's bf who was driving and it won't be that nice to suprise him with the last minute additional members. One thing led to another, Huei's bf did get suprised with the additional members and we went to Gurney drive.

We took pictures, talked and just sat on the devider that acted as a wall seperating the road from the sea. The sound of the waves crashing onto the rocks was mindblowing and very captivating. The waves seem to crash into your inner mind and take along all the pain back to the sea. We hung around there for a very long time and decided to go to another place that is similar when it was time to go. We went there and had loads of fun! We took more pictures together and even had a trishaw ride around the place. We only know each other for barely a week and we are already out having fun together, something I have never experienced before during my college life.

During the first weekend, Nicole and Huei went back to their hometown. I and Hooi Ling usually stay for the weekends since the journey back to Taiping won't be worth it if its just for 2 days, so during that weekend, we took Haliunaa to Prangin Mall. It was the first time she took the Rapid bus and we took few pictures in the bus. It was fun shopping except for the part where Haliunaa likes to dissapear into thin air and get me worrying. Haha...

Weeks pass and our friendship grew stronger. Haliunaa and Nicole seem to always mention about their mongolian classmates who happend to be twins. I didn't give much thought about them but curious to know how this twins looked like cause I'm always interested to see how similar two person can be since they literally share the same DNA in their body.

Our next big outing was withough Huei because it she went back for the weekend but Nicole decided to stay since she was excited to watch AVATAR in Gurney. I've already seen it in Taiping but I wanted to watch it in 3D. Sadly, there was only 2 tickets left and Hooi Ling and I decided it's best if Nicole and Haliunaa had those tickets since both of them havent watched the movie yet. During that 2 hours, I and Hooi Ling played at the arcade and it was my first time since so many years I played in the arcade, therefore we still had loads of fun eventhough we didn't get to watch the movie. It was near Chinese New Year that time, and Gurney PLaza had this huge stage as a decoration. We took some pistures together and hung around gurney drive where I met a cute little dauchshund named Candy. Took some more pictures and it was time for us to go.

If only life is fair... -The beginning-

2010-07-20T11:01:00.000-07:00

The Insomniac dreamer is back and here lies the birth of another post by the creature of the night. I'm sure everyone knows and agrees that life on planet earth is never fair cause nothing is ever perfect and justice will never be served. There will always be evil in this world and good to counter the evil. Life is always full of ups and downs, like a roller coaster ride that can end up like final destination 4.

If only life is fair, I won't be feeling this hopeless and lost tonight. Friends come and go, but never forgotten. Therefore, I will never ever forget about the good times I had with my first international friends. I remember the first time I met Haliunaa... It was the start of my 3rd semester in college and on one memorable night in the hostel, we had our first international student that will stay in our hostel. I was so excited about it when I heard about it through Miss Dayana in facebook and I was waiting to open the door and welcome her. Two new girls already came in and I was so shy to talk to them since they were chinese educated and I can't speak Mandarin. I noticed Nicole was shy too and we just smiled at each other whenever we saw each other.

When I opened the door, I smiled at the new girl but she wasn't looking my way, so when she entered and pass me, I just smile again and say hi. I think I must have scared her there because that friendliness came out too enthusiastic and it must have seem really fake. She was only planning to stay in the hostel for a week. I don't know where I got the courage from that night to actually hold a house meeting. No doubt my housemates saw the bossy side of me that night which was something they have never expected to see coming out from me cause I'm always so timid and shy, but I had to do it since I want it to be a new begining. I had everyone introduce themselves and I had to clearify the rules of the house. Halfway through the meeting, I noticed that the new girl looked really anxious, so I dissmised her politely by saying she must have a long and tiring journey all the way from Mongolia and let her freshen up and settle in. Stupid SSD didn't give her a pillow and bedsheet, so I borrowed her a bedsheet along with an extra blanket I have and Hooi Ling borrowed her an extra pillow she had. It was that night our beautiful friendship began. Ice was broken and everyone seems to be comfortable with each other. The other chinese girl, Huei didn't come back till really late, so we didn't really get the chance to know her yet but after we did, we were a family.

Magical Night at the Beach...

2010-04-16T08:33:00.000-07:00

Watching the sunset at the beach... I never thought I could be there actually watching it happen! The wonderful part is watching it with my friends while walking along the shore with my sandals off. The feeling of the sticky sand along with the twilight atmosphere... It was simply beautiful... Badu said it was just like the movies when I was telling him how beautiful the sunset was... It was! Exactly just like the movies... I felt as if I was trully in a movie! Haha...

I never thought it could be that beautiful. I've been looking at pictures of the sunset at Batu Ferringhi in the internet during my research on my menu planning assignment and was amazed with the pictures of the sunset but I thought it would not be that beautiful watching it in real life. Now I know why Hema said she loved the beach so much! It was very romantic, fun and almost magical.

A few times I let my mind drift off with the lapping sea, taking me and all my worries further and further away from everything real...

All that was before I was drunk... Actually I just drank to be polite at first cause I'm not used to drinking... I finished my first bottle and my heart was pumping so hard and fast... When Badu asked me to tell him a joke, OMG! I could feel my whole body went hot aspeacially my face... My face was burning red and hot! I knew I would sound stupid telling him a joke cause I don't have any good ones. Therefore, I was bloody embarressed which caused that horrible reaction...

When I finished my first bottle of Heineken, I already started to feel a lil sleepy and slightly dizzy... There is just no way I could drink anymore, but Bade had other plans for me... He offered me a Tiger and thought I refused to accept it so many times, I finally gave in and drank it. Another part of me wanted to drink just out of curiosity cause I wanted to know what was the difference of taste between Tiger and Heineken. In conclusion, I will never know what the difference is cause all I can make out is the taste of alcohol...

Halfway through my bottle, everyone started to head to the beach. I took my bottle of Tiger with me and sat there on the beach. There were stars for a moment but all of them vanished due to the clouds... I never felt so alive and happy before... I swear I wasn't drunk cause I could still think straight... It was so comfortable sitting on the sand, looking at the sky and listening to the sound of the soft lapping waves. Seriously, I never thought the sand would be so comfortable till burying my leg with sand felt really good. Sitting there and enjoying the moment, I now drank my bottle of Tiger with another reason... I drank because a thought suddenly came to interrupt my blissfull moment. When I finally finished my bottle of Tiger, I threw away all my stupid awkwardness, shyness and stupidity... Badu was beside me, so I talked to him. It was the first time I had a long conversation with him. Haha... It actually started when Haliunaa said at the bus stop, if I'm not mistaken that Badu wants to talk, so I talked to him in the bus on the way to the beach. Librans... Always so shy. Haha! Badu is kinda different from his twin brother Bade in a way... Badu is more like me in a way and Bade is kinda like Hema in a way... Haha! I guess Hema and I are kinda like twins.

I guess everyone had a great night at the beach! Bade had his hands full with Hooi Ling and Nicole... Lol... Lucky boy... Haliunaa and Javka were having a great time chatting with each other... Badu and I started a new friendship(I think)... Haha... I was too shy to talk to Javka, but I think with time, I can talk to him. Too bad he is going back to Mongolia...

All in all... I don't think any of us will ever forget that beautiful day at the beach... Aspeacially Haliunaa cause it was her Birthday!!!

3B's... Birthday, Beach and the Best day EVER!!!

2010-04-15T23:55:00.000-07:00

I never thought having a headache could be so fun! Haha... Is it possible to say I'm drunk by saying I'm not drunk??? Seriously... Wait, does that even make any sense... WTH...

Today is my housemate's birthday. Her name is Haliunaa and she is from Mongolia. She came into the hostel during the January intake and our friendship started there... Things went really well today and I really love this feeling right now eventhough I'm having a bad headache now. The party consisted of Haliunaa(B'day girl), Hooi Ling, Nicole(Housemate), Javka(Mongolian fren), Bade and Badu(Mongolian twins).

First, we went to Gurney to catch a 4pm movie. The movie is 'When In Rome', a romantic comedy. We left for Gurney at 1.45pm and had a fabulous feast in Seoul Garden during the time we had before the movie. I never thought the food would taste that fantastic!!! During the movie, it reminded so much of myself. The night before this, I was laying on my bed and thinking of my 'would have been' relationships... Figured I'd never have a real relationship cause I've only look really stupid and dumb whenever I have a crush on a guy. So many times I made a fool of myself. Haizz... During some parts of the movie, really made me wanna cry and tears did escape... Haha... Was really a nice movie...

After the movie, we decided to catch a bus to Batu Ferringhi. We walked along the beach and search for the nearest Pub to get some drinks. What is a party without alcohol??? Hahaha... It was the first time being in Batu Ferringhi's beach. Wow! Now I really love the beach. It was absolutely beautiful! The sunset, people on jet skies and para-sailing... Absolutely wonderful! We walked along the beach and halfway, I saw a HORSE!!! OMG!!! I went speechless and Hooi Ling keep encouraging me to ride it! I can't believe it! It was my GREATEST DREAM of mine to ride a horse! It was only RM20 and I got to touch, take picture with the horse and have a ride along the beach. Truly a dream come true... :)

We reached the pub and ordered the drinks... I was convinced I would not drink that much beer cause I'm not good at drinking beer. However, I was put in a situation that I had to drink, so I tried a bottle of Heinneken. It tasted absolutely like alcohol. Ok... One bottle is enough! My body was boiling and my heart beat so fast and hard but, as soon as I finished my bottle of Heinneken, Bade offered me a bottle of Tiger. My God! I had to drink it of course cause one part of me was curious to know how it tasted. Somehow, I find both Tiger and Heinneken tasted absolutely like Alcohol. I can't find the difference eventhough Badu told me he prefer Tiger than Heinneken. Halfway through my Tiger Beer, it was time to cut the cake! WOO!!! After vanishing the cake, my world started to spin and I was convinced I am not drunk cause I still can think straight and walk in a straight line... I donno... Haha...

Since the Beach was just out there... I really wanted to be near the sea. It was wonderful! I really love the beach now. I guess thats the only wonderful thing about Penang. We sat, talked all night long and took random funny pictures together. This was my best memory in Penang EVER! Absolutely Wonderful!

In conclusion, I'm really happy I skipped all my classes for today to have this wonderful night filled with laughter and friendly love. Warm, fuzzy and Comfy... I can't believe I drank two bottles of beer till I still could taste the smell of alcohol in my mouth. Bloody hell! I got morning class tommorow at 8am and not its really late already. Hopefully I would be able to wake up at 6.45am and walk to college at 7.30am... one thing for sure is, I will never ever forget this wonderful night... Thank you Haliunaa... I would miss you dearly once you go back to Mongolia but our time here in Penang will never ever be forgotten... ;)

A day of never ending mistakes! (Short verion of the previous post)

2010-03-15T00:16:00.000-07:00

Okay! Maybe the post I posted previously was too bloody long and confusing cause most of the things I wrote never really happened the way it happened. I just changed it a lil so that it matches the 'Amazing Race' concept. Here is how it really happened.

Date: 13.3.2010
I return to Penang on Friday (12.3.2010) just to sit for this stupid Pengajian Malaysia exam. I didn't really put that much effort into studying cause I've had always hated history. I was just hoping for a miracle to happen and somehow complete the exam without any problem. I think I did OK. I even finished it an hour and a half early. My good vibes in the examination hall was onced again blocked by a wall of rubbish that made my eyes sore...

KDU was having an open day for registeration for the new March intake. I had to wait for AK to finish her exam before we can start our journey back to Taiping, so I waited at the foyer. After half an hour, I decided to head up to the I-Lab and wait for her there. I went into my facebook as usual and watch Lady Gaga's new music video, telephone. When the vid finished loading, AK was already beside me so, we watched it together. Found it very interesting in a disgusting way... It was good thought...

After the vid, we went to the bus stop at Macalister Road for a bus to Komtar/Perangin Mall cause AK wanted to buy an external hard drive. We actually bought the bus tickets back to Taiping on Friday. We bought the 2.30pm bus which gives us a few hours to spend before we head back to Butterworth. At the bus stop, there was an old lady which looks like a crazy woman who was smoking tobako. Kinda afraid and hope the bus would arrive soon. Waited kinda long but during that time, I kept talking about cars and whats the difference of a Kenari and a Kancil...

Reaching Perangin, we ate at the place we regularly go and shoped around. I bought 4 DVDs and wanted to buy a computer game. I just can't decide how many and which game to buy. In the end, I was running out of time and decided to buy a Sherlock Holmes game which cost only RM10. I set a time limit and that was by 2.00pm, we had to leave Komtar. The thing that I forgot was that, the bus we were taking back to Taiping is in Butterworth! It's impossible to reach the bus terminal in Butterworth in half an hours time!!!

That was my first mistake! My second mistake which I realized later in the bus back to Taiping is that, I double payed that computer shop! When I picked a game, I was suppose to pay the guy RM10 first and wait 15 minutes for my game to arrive. When it arrived, I was rushing for time. I took the game and payed him RM10 again! OMG! Made me feel like a doush-bag! I already felt guilty for spending money on stupid things and I nearly cost both I and AK to miss the bus back to Taiping! I still feel that way today... Haizz...

2 mistakes down... FOr the 3rd mistake, there was no bus going to the jetty at Komtar's bus terminal! Here, I was panicking and couldn't think straight anymore... There and then, I decided to take a taxi to the jetty. We told the guy about our situation and he kept repeating his experience missing a bus and having to sleep at the bus station. He also kept saying that we will never reach the bus terminal in Butterworth on time no matter how lucky we were. He even reminded us to run when come out from the ferry, which I did... AK took her own sweet time walking out from the ferry cause if I were to reach the bus first(if its there), I would ask to wait for her... SO I reached and I couldn't find the bus. My mind was like 'OH SHIT!'...

Desperate, I went to ask the Counter lady if the bus has really left or not. There was a malay gurl there too and she asked the lady the same question I wanted to ask. I heard the counter lady say the bus wasn't here yet. I was like 'WHAT'!!!! I tap at the malay girl's shoulder but she totally ignored me (made me kinda cursed at her). I asked the counter lady and she reassured me that the bus really wasn't here yet. I just couldn't believe it!!! When SK asked me, I took revenge by telling her that the bus did left already and we can't change the tickets... I totally LOL when I broke the good news to her. Her face was totally priceless!

Last mistake I did was crossing the road and ignoring a motorist... He honked at me and I totally ignored him. After that, it was a sleepless journey back to Taiping... One mistake did arise, but it was done by the driver of the bus. He took the wrong road. I just coudn't believe our luck...

~The End~

Welcome to The Amazing Race ASIA!

2010-03-13T04:41:00.000-08:00

On today's episode of The Amazing Race Asia, our favorite duo stumbles thanks to a miscalculation of time that would cost them big time. Are they lucky enough to make it to the finish line and go through to the next round, or would this be their last race?

Location: KDU College Penang
Time: 8.30am

Clue (Blast From The Past):-
In this task, contestants are given a time limit of 2 hour and a half to finish an exam paper that most would agree to be the hardest subject in school. History! In other words, Malaysian Studies. The exam starts at 9.30am but those who manage to finish before 11.30am are allowed to leave early, those who can't finish by that time however, can't leave the hall till 12.00pm. After completing their exam, contestants are required to log in a computer in the college's internet lab and solve a simple question to read their next clue. Results of their exam will be evaluated at the end of the race and the group that scored the highest would get a head start at the next start of the next race.

Location: Level 7 (Examination Hall)
9.30am
AK: Good Luck!
SC: Yeah, good luck to you too!

9.40am
SC: What the hell! I hate History and I thought I won't need to do this exam ever again after SPM... To HELL with this stupid exam! I'll just follow my new Motto which is DLAB (Don't Leave Anything Blank) and be done with it.

10.50am
SC: YES! I'm done! Haha... EK and MJ is still not done yet... Take your time boys! I'm out of here... AK faster la!
AK: (Concentrating on her work)

Location: KDU Internet Lab
Time: 11.30am

Question:-
Who is a lady who sounds like a baby?
What is lifeless but cries like a baby?

(Warning: This is highly not funny! Read at your own risk)
SC: WTH! This questions doesn't even rhyme... The person who made up this question must be a ****
AK: Baby? I remember my cousin who is like so cute... Eeee... So kutchi kutchi....Gooo...
SC: Goo? Is that a Pokemon or something? Nah... Wait. I think I remember Mongolian kids love to make that sound Go Go (Gyok Gyok)... There is even a website 'Go Go' which functions like Google... Wait, Goo... Goo... Ga GA... LADY GAGA!
AK: Baby crying. I hate the sound! So annoying! What can be as annoying as that?
SC: Sirens... Phone ringing... I hate answering the phone! I kinda have a phobia of answering phones...
AK: Can we go back to the question? What is lifeless and cries like a baby?
SC: DUDE! I got it! Telephone. Lady Gaga Telephone! Maybe we have to watch the official vid.
(Youtube)
SC: OMG! She is naked and they sensored! Now she is kissing a guy? Wait! IS that even a guy? Now they are dancing in their undies? Wow! This is hillarious... HAHA!
AK: Hey... We didn't need to watch the video, the clue link is right here. (Points at screen)
SC: Oh... Hehe... ^.^"

Route Information:-
Route Information clues instruct the teams where to go next. The clue usually only provides the name of the team's next destination; it is up to the teams to figure out how to get there. For this leg of the race, contestants are required to travel to Penang's tallest building, Komtar and find their next clue.

Location: Macalister Road Bus Stop
Time: 11.45am

SC: WTH! Why isn't there any bus passing by this stupid road??? OMG there is a crazy woman siting here... Faster la BUS!
AK: Stupid wan la!
SC: Hey look at that car!.... ~Keeps talking about cars~
(20 minutes later)
SC: BUS! At Last!

Location: Komtar
Time: 12.15pm

SC: Route Marker! Lets get our next clue!

Road Block (Who is the computer geek?):-
A Roadblock is a task that only one team member may perform. In this road block,contestants have to find the right computer shop in a mall located near Komtar called Perangin Mall and search for the right game to purchase to get their next clue. The game they have to find is based on the latest movie Sherlocks Holmes.

SC: This is easy... I'll do the road block. Come on, lets go find that computer shop!

Location: Computer shop
Time: 12.30pm

SC: Route Marker! Shit! The shop will only open at 1.00pm.
AK: Thats like half an hour... I'm hungry, lets eat.
SC: Sounds good to me.

Time: 1.00pm

SC: Here I go! Where are you Sherlock Holmes? Ooo... Vampire games.
AK: Dude, can you buy me that Yahoo game?
SC: Maybe another time. I'm trying to find that game. Ooo... Alice in Wonderland!
(after 30 minutes)
SC: Found it!
Shop Guy: RM10 yea. Pay first and wait for 15 minutes for your game.
SC: Can't you just give me the clue?
Shop Guy: What clue?
SC: Umm... 15 minutes? Okay... I'll be back. Here is the RM10.
Shop Guy: Just kidding. Here, you can have the clue.
SC: Thank you. But seriously, I'll be back for the game.
Shop Guy: Sure...
(walk out of shop)
SC: Stupid guy scam my money! I don't care, I'm gonna get my money's worth.
AK: Yeah, stupid guy.

Time: 1.30

Route Information:-
Take a bus or taxi to your next location which is the Penang's Ferry Terminal and take the Ferry to Butterworth. From there, catch the 2.30pm bus to Taiping. Contestants that misses that bus has to take the 5.30pm bus. Taiping is a town located in northern Perak, Malaysia. With a population of 191,104 (in 2007), it is the second largest town in Perak after Ipoh, the state capital. Taiping also receives some limelight for being the wettest town in Peninsular Malaysia and its unusual rainfall has also led to a fertile collection of flora and century-old rain trees in the Taiping Lake Gardens. Here is the pit-stop for this leg of the race. The last team that checks in, may or may not be eliminated.

Location: Perangin Mall

SC: Hmm... 2.30pm... We still got an hour. We can start leaving by 2.00pm. Lets go in that DVD shop and look around.
AK: Yea...

Location: Computer Shop
Time: 1.55pm

SC: We better start moving before we miss the bus.
AK: Yea.
SC: OMG! DUDE! The bus is in Butterworth! I just remembered! I thought it was in Penang! I don't think we can get there in time! OMG! WE are so DEAD!
AK: What! I think we can make it. Don't worry! WE got time...
SC: OMG! Panic!!! Gotto get out of here!
(goes to the counter)
SC: My game arrived yet?
Shop Guy: Here. (Pass the game)
SC: Thanks! (Hand over RM10)
(Rush down to bus stop)

Location: Rapid Bus 204
Time: 2.00pm

SC: To Jetty please!
Driver: Sorry, all the bus here don't go to Jetty. You have to go another location. Bla.. Bla... Bla...
SC: Okay, okay. (steps out of the bus) Where?
AK: I think its there?
SC: I don't think we gonna make it! OMG!!! I'm panicking!!!!
AK: Lets just walk.
SC: I think we better take a taxi.
AK: OK...

Location: Taxi
Time: 2.05

Driver: Taxi?
SC: Yes!
AK: How much?
Driver: To where?
SC & AK: JETTY!
Driver: RM10
SC: OK!
(Goes inside the car. Driver taking own sweet time. SC Getting very annoyed n aggitated. AK silent)
SC: CAn you reach there at 2.15pm?
Driver: I'm not sure.
AK: WE have a bus in Butterworth leaving at 2.30pm.
Driver: Taking ferry? I don't think you guys are going to make it. Ferry takes 20 minutes.
AK: Is it. BUt maybe we are lucky?
Driver: I still don't think you guys are gonna make it no matter how lucky. (starts talking about the time he missed the buss to Alor Star and had to sleep at the bus terminal n bla bla bla...)
AK: Is it.
SC: (getting very aggitated)
Driver: I really don't think you guys are going to make it. (Repeat the whole story about the time he missed the bus n bla bla bla...)
AK: Is it.
Driver: Yeah and I had to ask people's help and bla bla bla... Because I missed the bus and bla bla bla...
AK: Is it.
SC: (Really annoyed)
Driver: You guys wan't me to drop you guys here first so that you guys can cross the road straight away to the ferry terminal or you guys want to take more risk?
SC: Here is good.
Driver: Remember to run.
AK: Thank you. (hand over the money)

Location: Ferry terminal
Time: 2.15pm

SC:I think we are going to make it! The ferry is here! The first ferry seems fast. It like zoomed away. Okay! I think we are totally going to make it!
AK: Yea...

Location: Ferry
Time: 2.17pm

SC: Okay! We are at the front of the line! WE are going to make it! Wait. Ferry takes 20 minutes. OMG! I don't think we are going to make it!
AK: ~Silent~
SC: The first ferry zoomed away. I think it won't take that long.

Time: 2.20pm

SC: WTF! Why is this thing not moving yet!!! MOVE!!!
AK: Yea! Why so stupid one! Stupid man! Shit!
SC: MOVE!!!

Time: 2.25pm

SC: WE are so dead man!!! THIS THING WON'T MOVE!!! MOVE you stupid FERRY!
AK: F*** wan man! WTF!
SC: Yea... Faster move la! Just now that ferry move so fast! MOVE! We should have just jumped over the fence and illegally enter that double-deck(no pedestrians allowed) ferry! WTF!
AK: F*** wan la! Why so F*** wan??? Move la!

Time: 2.27pm

SC: At last! we are moving. WAit! WTF!!! WHy so slow??? Just now that Ferry like really zoomed away! Why this wan so slow!!! We aint gonna make it!!! (Close to tears...)
AK: F*** wan la... Maybe the bus will wait for us.
SC: THe other teams would have reached already! WE r so DEAD!!! MOVE STUPID FERRY!

(after what seems like hours floating slowly to Butterworth and some more cursing and swearing)

Time: 2.37pm

SC: SHIT!!! Get ready to run! Just hope the bus is waiting. OMG!
AK: Yea...
SC: My bloody Bag is so dam heavy! My pants keep wanting to fall off! I'm so gonna hate this!
AK: YEa...

(gates open)
SC ran out of the ferry and down the slopes... AK taking her own sweet time knowing SC will ask the bus to wait when she reaches there first... Its now up to SC to reach the bus... She reach the terminal but see no bus to Taiping and rushes to the ticket counter. AK reaches and ask SC... SO?

SC: The lady said the bus has left. We gotto take another one.
AK: WHAT! Let me ask her.
SC: Dude! There is nothing we can do! We missed it!
AK: What are we going to do?

(Advertisement)

SC: We missed it!
AK: What are we going to do?
SC: Isn't it obvious? We Wait.
AK: (sour face)
SC: DUDE! I'm just joking! The bus havent arrived yet! HAHAHAHA!!!!
AK: You SERIOUS! OMG! @.@
SC: HAHAHAHAHA!!!! WE are that lucky.
AK: Yea. No wonder I saw some people that resembled the other teams.

(3 teams have made it so far for the 2.30pm bus, leaving the other 5 teams to take the 5.30pm bus)

Location: Bus on the way to Taiping
Time: Who cares? We made it!

(Bus took the wrong road)
SC: WTF! Why so stupid one?
AK: Yeala... Haiyo...
SC: Why are we having so much drama today?
AK: I don't know. I think I'm gonna take a nap.
SC: OK. Wait! DUDE! I think I lost RM10.
AK: Maybe you dropped it somewhere.
SC: WTF!!! Wait... Don't tell me I double paid that stupid computer shop guy. F***!!!

(Totally never happened~just a made up scene~)
Location: Kamunting Bas Terminal
Time: One hour later

SC: Route Marker! Cars! OMG! We have to drive there?
AK: You drive.

Location: Taiping Lake Garden (beside the huge golf ball)
Time: No Idea...

~SC & AK jump on the mat~
Guy Holding snake: Welcome to Taiping Lake Garden.
SC & AK : Yea... (nervous lol)
Allan Wu: SC & AK...(sour face) You are team number...

(Advertisement)

~SC & AK jump on the mat~
Guy holding snake: Welcome to Taiping Lake Garden.
SC & AK : Yea... (totally nervous)
Allan Wu: SC & AK...(sour face) You are team number... ONE!
SC & AK: WHAT!!! NO WAY! WOOO!!! (Jump FOr JOY!)
Allan Wu: Congratulations, and as winners for this leg of the race, you guys have won yourself a free pic taken with this lovely snake here.
SC: Ooooo... I LOVE SNAKES! Why not give me the whole snake!
Allan Wu: Win the whole race and you can have your own zoo.
SC: GOODY!
Allan Wu: Advertisement please.... ^.^"

~Just a long version of the story... Shorter version on the way~
Really sorry for the long stupid story... Most of you guys would totally say such a waste of time... hehe XD

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-31T07:57:00.000-08:00

10
9
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1

HAPPY 2010!!!!!!!!!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The end of 2009...

2009-12-31T07:17:00.000-08:00

This is the last day of 2009. I still have 45 minutes to go before its the new year. 2010 baby!

This morning I woke up from a dream. I was in my own world again. There was magic, friendship, family and alot of animals... I can't really remember the details but it was in my own world that I have visited several times in my dreams.

As I got on with my day, I looked forward to going out to Sentral and catch a movie with my buddies. Too bad one of my closest friend can't be there so it was only me, Hooi Ling, her sister and another friend of mine. It's been such a long time since I went out and hang around in a group. By 4.30pm, we got tickets to watch Avatar at 6.15pm.

While waiting for the movie, we went to get some bite in McDonald and I can't believe how fast time flies cause before we knew it, it was 6.15 already. I rushed to get popcorn and when we entered the movie theater, we were just in time. The screen was blank, thank God for that.

The movie started... It was amazing! We got theater 4 and the seats was awesome! I actually went into the movie. I was in Pandora! During the destruction of the home of the Na'vi, I could feel the earth shake cause the sound system was totally amazing till the floor and chairs in the theater shook. That really made me enter the movie! The quality was awesome! So clear! Clearer than the cinemas in Penang... I really love the story in the movie!

The Na'vi is all about protecting the nature of their planet. Damn I wish I could be one of them. It will be fun to explore places everyday. Fly! Thats the best part. Haha... I rarely dream of flying but whenever I did dream of flying... It was wonderful! Most of the time I dream of jumping from high places and landing safely. I would even dream of having magical abilities and create fireballs with my hand. My dreams are always out of this world and never normal. Most of the times I would have vampire moves and abilities like crawling up walls or flying... The only normal dreams I have is running away from something. Either it is away from school or from home but the out of this world factors will come in...

15 more minutes to midnight!!! After one door closes, another will open... Another chapter of my life closes and a new chapter will be written... Life goes on... Hello 2010!!!!!!

An Unexpected Guest

2009-12-29T08:41:00.000-08:00

Hmm... Here is something I usually do in my friendster blog so I'm just bringing forward this post. Due to my insomnia yesterday night, I reminisce about my writting and I found one of my finest essay. I think it is my finest cause it turned out pretty well and it was the first time I ever enjoyed writing an essay for a school examination. Yeah... Another school essay but this time it was not in Convent but in Kampung jambu. I was actually in a very great mood during the exam hence better writing. I can say that it was my favourite memory in Kampung Jambu.

It is best if I stoped yapping and just go straight to the essay. I threw the question paper away so I can only write what the question I chose was all about. "An Unexpected Guest". That was the question and this is the essay:

It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The trees were lush with green and the flowers in the garden bloomed with beauty. As I stared out my kitchen window, my heart filled itself with a feeling of pride and I felt a warm breeze of calmness flowing throughout my body.

"Mummy, mummy," I heard Pleuvoir my youngest son calling. I turned around and there he was-standing beside him, a man in his prime, six foot tall with a bright cheerful smile etched on his face-towering over Pleuvoir who was only as tall as my kitchen counters. I stood fixed to the floor as lifeless as a stone statue.

I can't believe its him. After eight years, I thought I would never see him again. I tried to move but I was so confused and the sight of him took my breath away. How could this be possible? It can't be him, it just can't be.

Suddenly, he started to aproach me and I could see his face more clearer now. It was him. I can't deny it anymore. His apple-green eyes burried deep in his forehead, that cute puppy smile I have always love and that sweet face of his. How could I ever forget his features.

Without realising what I was doing, I soon realised that my face was wet with tears and I was hugging the mysterious guest who just entered my house moments ago, without a word spoken. Through my blurry eyes, I saw Pleuvoir running out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

After the embrace, I spoke at last. "I'm so happy to see you again my son. Please forgive me," the tears still running down my cheeks. "No mum, I'm the one who has to apologize and I hope you are willing to forgive me," he spoke with a voice so smooth and low. "I shouldn't have ran away from home after dad left us. I was stupid and foolish to do such a thing without thinking," he continued.

"I was afraid to come home when I heard about Sean's death. It's my fault mum! I should have stayed and taken care of my baby brother, I..." I stoped him there before he could finish talking. "Forget about the past. I have never blamed you for anything. All I ever wanted was for you to come back." I looked into his beautiful green eyes and saw pearly beads of tears falling down his cheeks.

For a moment, we just stared at each other but broke into laughter when Pleuvoir came running into the kitchen with his toy gun and Gooner the dauchshund at his heel.

Okay... Maybe its not that good but its still the finest I've done. At least thats what I'm trying to believe lol. But it has got to be better than my other really outrageous essays that I've posted in my friendster blog before. Well, hope whoever that read this enjoy... And thanks for taking the time to read... :)

All I ever wanted to be...

2009-12-20T08:42:00.000-08:00

What I'm about to write are my dreams that I know I might never achieve now cause there is no fucking college in Malaysia that can help realise my dream! Chef was a choice! I had no other options but to take it since I certainly can't endure 2 more years in school and the course is the only thing that was affordable and reachable.

All I ever wanted to be was a Zoologist or any career that involved studying animals. Thats my passion in life and is the only thing that I can do best! I went to Sciece Stream and got tortured there is just because of my dream, but because I'm in Malaysia, there is no fucking way possible I can ever reach it unless I went to overseas that would cost a fortune. I wanna learn, study and care for animals. Instead, I'm cooking dead animals. I find that very ironic but some animals are ment to be food source and farmed animals does not hurt the ecosystem if properly managed. I wanna spread the word of conservation just like Steve Irwin, the guy who inspired me the most. It would have been a wonderful dream to meet him and it has always been my dream to meet him. Sadly, he left this world too early and it silently killed me inside to know that the world has just lost a wonderful legend who was a hero to those who can't speak and didn't really matter to the majority of the people of the world.

I want to build animal shelters, programs that would educate people on how to be responsible pet owners. Where is the love people??? Love makes the world go round but it seems as if money makes the world go round, and that is a fact.

When it comes to animal facts, I could remember them in a heartbeat except when Its about their weight, speed and those physics stuff. I'm more into Biology, how they move, react, why do they have those behaviours and speacial abilities. Out of the three science subjects, I got A1 in Biology. Physics, a B4 and a very predictable C5 in Chemistry.

I find it hard to organise my priorities. I feel like I'm being pulled far far away from this dream of mine and it hurts terribly. I can't remember the animal facts I used to remember anymore, I seem to be wrong all the time and I find it hard to pull myself back together. I always wanted those big huge animal books that had facts and everything in it but was always too expensive. My parents just wouldn't spend that much money on me by buying that book. In fact, my parents don't really support me with this dream of mine. My mum aspeacially would not invest on something that won't make alot of money and that was why my last and only option was to take Chef training.

I always thought I would do really well cause I want to be a famous celebrity chef. Of course its for the fame and money but for a good cause. I want that fame and money to do great things! To realise my dream! Spread the word of censervation, build or sponser animal shelters, promote free range and make the world a safer future for our children! With money, I can travel! With fame, I can promote something better and hope people would receive the message and do something for a change! I want to do so many good and yet people hate me cause I'm trying to be good?
It's so hard to be myself and not feel good about it when people only like the lie. The placebo that make things good all the time but lies are lies. Depression can really wipe out someones creativity and self confidence, and make it go EXTINCT.

Whenever I fail, I feel horrible cause I'm being pulled away from my dream further and further. I'm trying my best here and yet I can't do it? I suck at socialing I know! I never thought that would affect me the worst! All I wanted was support. I want it more than anything in the world right now. I know that I will never loose hope in my dream and will pursue it anyway possible! I will NEVER GIVE UP on it! Never! Cause it MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.

Feels so good to hurt so bad...

2009-12-20T08:16:00.001-08:00

Ok... I know I'm being EMO but I don't care anymore! Being one is not wrong at all! Actually being one makes one stronger only in a different and hard way, but stongest among all! We are the noble dark knights (not batman) but something like dark fallen angels trying to get their wings back.

Everytime I'm pushed to a point where I think I might be having a mental break-down like how I'm feeling now, I would find the need to write it all out aspeacially in my blogs.

I have absolutely no idea what is wrong with me this few days. I just have this feeling of sadness and refuse to talk to anyone eventhough it was my best friend that I thought I could talk all day and all night with, just like the times before. I just couldn't and I felt guilty for doing so.

For the whole day today, I've been sitting in front of the telly, on the rocking chair and watching movies as well as other programs that I thought was interesting. I just couldn't do something else. Then, I felt this urge to cry for no reason at all-which I did a few moments ago. I just don't know what my problem is. I'm kinda lost and lonely eventhough I'm home and my parents as well as best friends are here. Yet I feel so isolated from everyone in the world.

Sadness sucks but yet I'm reluctant to let it go. Why am I being like this??? Missery is my companion and somehow owned me in a way. Have I fallen in love with pain and sadness cause everything that happens around me seems to give me nothing but pain and missery! It met me in school and now has followed me to College. Everywhere I go seem to give me nothing but it!

I met a guy that made me happy for awhile and I thought for once, the world has showed me that there are still good decent people out there but it didn't last long. In the end the guy himself became another source of unhapiness to me. I know I'm seen as the freak, crazy, unsociable, dark and hatefull person. I didn't choose to be like this okay! I was changed into that monster thanks to people who don't like to read a book that does not have a shiny, glossy and beautiful cover! If you don't know me then you certainly do not have the right to judge me and see me as that horrible mask you all just put on me.

My other blog... Food-T Fans...

2009-12-06T23:48:00.000-08:00

Hey... Just wanna tell you guys out there that read my blog that I have created another blog which I now share with my two best frens... Here is the link, check it out... :)

http://punkdog711rsvp.blogspot.com/

Risen Phoenix...

2009-12-06T06:41:00.000-08:00

At last! I got to spread my wings wide and fly my way to FREEDOM!!! I burst into flames and rise high above the ashes of past failures... I am the Risen Phoenix!

Haha... I'm done with my theory exams!!! At first I thought I was gonna do kinda terrible in them since all I did was last minute studying, but somehow, I found all my theory exams easy and smooth... I did my very best and I just hope my results meet my expectations. Just wanna thank my buddies that help me, had group studies with me and treated me like a fellow human being.

I'm home in Taiping!!! Now I know how true the saying is that there is no other place like home. I love huggin my darling dog Johnny, being around my family and MY ROOM!!!

Since the hostel are gonna have spring cleaning, we were all required to put all our stuffs in boxes or plastics with our names written on it. I started packing at 1am+ and stoped at 4am+ cause I was too dam tired. My parents said they were gonna reach my hostel at 1pm, so I decided to wake at 10am and continue packing. However, my mum had other plans due to her one night insomnia. I found myself waking up at 9am and be told by my mum that she was on her way to my place and was gonna reach around 10am. Of course I didn't get to pack all my stuff in time before they reach but I guess my mum must have been in a good mood cause I didn't get the usuall nagging from her.

Ok, I didn't really got away from her naggings, she did nag me bout one thing and that was about the amount of stuff that I was bringing home to Taiping. I think I took home 10 bags filled with stuff. Lol... After my parents cram the Myvi with my bags, I bid my fellow housemates farewell and its off to Lunch in Pulau Tikus and home after that.

At last! I'm home in Taiping! Everything feels sane again cause I'm acting a lil insanely happy lol! It's been years seen I've felt this way again. Even when I knew I was in really deep trouble by getting a fish bone stuck in my throat, I could still laugh about it and at the thought of me dying due to it or living with that bone stuck in my throat till I die. Haha! I tried everything from caughing it out, sticking my finger down my throat and swallowing food. Everything failed! In the end, I just got a torchlight and I saw the bone sticking in my throat. I gotto let the news out of the bag and my mum pulled the bone out with a pair of chopsticks. Haha! Strange enough, we all laughed at the situation.

All in all, I'm very happy today. It has really been such a long time since I've felt this way. I suddenly have this Christmast spirit for no reason and somehow been awarded with little pleasures such as twilight on MTV and my dad addicted to a mandarin drama series I bought. Tomorrow is another new blank page that needs to be written or read... Only time would tell...

My favourite depressed Quotes...

2009-11-19T08:43:00.000-08:00

Depression hits again... My life in depressed quotes...

< It's getting colder now and the darkness consumes me. Depression is slowly creeping up. Maybe one day you'll actually care about me.

< I'm tired of being nice to people who don't give a shit about me. ( I really like this one)

< Sometimes the pain's too strong to bare...and life gets so hard you just don't care. You feel so alone you just sit and cry...every second you wish you could die. Then you start thinking who would care...if one day they woke up-and you weren't there.

< I could go on with my day and act like everything is okay. But as my life goes on it hurts more in every way.

< She can't hide no matter how hard she tries, her secret disguised behind the lies. And at night she cries away her pride, with eyes shut tight staring at her inside. All her friends know why she can't sleep at night, all her family asking is she alright. All she wants to do is get rid of this hell, well all she's got to do is stop kiddin herself. She can only fool herself for so long...

< Know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill the pain on the inside. ( another one that I really like...)

< I've been weak and I've been strong. I've been thru the fire and I've been thru the storm. Try to do right and I know I do wrong. Just be happy for me when my life is gone. Cause with no more hurt and no more tears, there will be no more pain and no more fears. No more people in my face that are not sincere. So smile for me when I'm no longer here.

< Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. ( really like this one)

< I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I wanna see. My world use to be worth living for, and now it's hard enough just to be me.

< I'm screwing up every little good thing I ever try to do. I was born to lose.
( I keep saying that to myself... Haizz...)

'~' You don't understand me and you never will. So don't start that shit 'bout knowin' how I feel. ( really love this one)

'~' Do you know what it's like to be me? Go through something not everyone can see? Do you know what it's like to walk in my shoes? Please stop judging me simply cause I'm not you... (Yeah!)

'~' Things are going crazy and I'm not sure who to blame. Everything is changing and I don't feel the same. I'm slipping through the cracks of floors I thought were strong. I'm trying to find a place where I feel like I belong.

'~' I think I'd do better on my own, no friends, no fights,just me...alone (Totally agree)

'~' I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.

'~' Behind this innocent smile of mine, lay words that go unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger, and hate, all repeating inside my head. (Love this)

'~' I just wanna end it all. Should I trip or should I fall. Wills omeone be there to catch me when I'm falling to the ground, or will I be there forever lying there with no sound. (some how Dreamt about it cause I'm still left there on the ground)

'~' Do you ever just get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody. You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy but at the same time you don't know exactly what is wrong either? (feeling it right now)

Failure...

2009-11-19T00:18:00.000-08:00

Today I had my Garde Manger final practical exam. I woke up at 8am drowsy as ever cause I slept at 2am+... Reset my alarm to wake me up at 9am so that I can have another hour of sleep but I couldn't fall back to sleep cause I kept thinking of the exam... How was I going to do the plating, garnishing for the canape and so many more.

Got to college, slept at the cafeteria, did a few more things n time was up. I always thought when I was in the kitchen I would feel better and knew exactly what to do... Sadly, I wasted some of my precious time running around like a headless chicken in the kitchen figuring what to do next. In the end, I was late to present my product and my product was totally boring... T_T

When the Chef was elaborating n commenting about it, I was numb, tired, self criticizing and felt like running away. I didn't wanna be there at all. I felt terribly uncomfortable like a fish out of water...

All in all I felt beaten to the ground. My self criticisms hurt me n decreased whatever left of my self confidence to a zero.

French Oral exam...

2009-11-17T19:26:00.000-08:00

Ok... Its finals again and before I sit for my final French theory exam, I have to go through this Oral test which I had an hour ago...

How was it? All I can say is GG la... Here is how it went...
Sorry if my spelling is wrong... My French is worst than my English...

Knock knock knock... I open the door n went in...
Me: Bonjour(a church mouse squeek)
Mr.R: Bonjour. Introduce yourself.
Me: Je Mahppele Stephanie Cheng. Je suis Malaysienne. J'habite a Penang. Je suis dix-huit ans. Je suis etudiante a KDU COllege Penang... (shaky voice with 'umm' n 'ahh' in intervals)
Mr.R: PLease describe for me Shan.
Me: Pardon?
Mr.R: Like tall or short, hair colour of Shan.
Me: Shan? (a few seconds of silence tat felt like a lifetime...)
Me: Shan? Prashant??? (an indian classmate of mine)
Mr.R: Yeah, Prashant.
Me: Oh! Ok. Ummm... Il est grande, et a les cheaveux noir... et les yeux brune.
Mr.R: Ok... Yong.
Me: Rebecca? ( another one of my classmates cause I thought I heard him say Rebecca)
Mr.R: Yong Tien How.
Me: Pardon?
Mr.R: Yong Tien How. (pointing at his name at the name list)
Me: Je nuh Se puh (I thought he wanted me to describe him but I wasn't sure who he was)
Mr.R: No, call him to come. He is next. I only ask you 3 questions. Thats it.
Me: Oh! Ok ok... Haha... =.=''

N I walked out of the room...

3 Questions? He only asked me 2... Was Bonjour a question? I thought he heard my very soft bonjour n was replying my bonjour... All the people who went in before me was asked at least 5 questions... Why I only got 2??? I'm paranoid!!! I feel like sinking to the bottom of the ocean... I'm sinking sinking sinking....

Tomorrow I'm having Garde Manger Final practical exam!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!

If only I could be there for you...

2009-07-07T04:29:00.000-07:00

OMG. I just got the saddest news about my dog, Brownie. I still remember the last day I saw her at home. Before I got in the car, I was thinking to myself that 'Who knows that this might just be the last time I see her'. I didn't wanna believe that and I told myself that I was just thinking nonsense... Dam bloody hell it was true. That was the last time I saw, pat and hugged her.

Brownie was my dearest dog I ever had. She was always my favourite cause she was such a lady. Always coming up to me with her curled up tail wagging so ever happily. She was a gift from my sister's friend 8 years ago and till this day, Brownie's mother is still alive. I still can play back a flash of the memory of exactly how everything went... She was so tiny that we can put her into a shoe box and in there, she fell asleep till we reached home. The first few nights, she cried due to lonelyness till we had to let her in and sleep in my sister's room. A growing pup would always find trouble and she did exactly that by chewing on shoes and digging. It drove mum crazy but I was always there to defend her.

After 2 years or so, we got Lassie. Brownie was her companion and it made the first few nights tolerable. Lassie always played with Brownie till one day when both of them were tied up close to each other, Lassie nearly lossed her paw due to the chains being entangled around it. Luckily we were in time to save her paw. After that, we never chain them close to each other anymore. Instead we got them a cage big enough for two big dogs.

In 2004, I started training Brownie and I got to teach her a few tricks. She was such a fast learner cause she could remember the hand signals and commands I gave her. During my last visit in Taiping, I tested her again and she could still do it. She was the first dog I ever trained succesfully. The first dog I ever had that can carry out the shake hand command which I had thought her with or without treats. Just remembering those memories are making me tear up...

Brownie was always afraid of fireworks and I still can remember those nights that I would hold her in my arms and hum her a tune just to make her less afraid. She was always there when I needed someone to hug. She was always there when I needed her. But where was I when she needed me? A dog's love for their owner is unconditional. Whenever I go for long trips and come back, she would crookedly run towards me and wag her tail furiously. When she reach me, she will jump on me and I'll hug her. I'll miss those moments the most cause the next time I go back to Taiping, there won't be a furry brown dog to come running crookedly towards me anymore... The plain sigh would be just too unbearable.

The thing that puzzles me is, why my parents didn't tell me and my sister the sad news. It was my neighbur who told my sis who reached me. I was so shocked that I could say a word or even think for a moment. I just can't believe she is gone. I never even get to see her go or say my last goodbyes before her burial... I'll never forget this day cause she died in the morning. Michael Jackson's funeral...

My darling Brownie... You will always be in my heart and never forgotten just like Lassie, my german sheppard... I'll love you forever... May you rest in peace my dearest sweetest dog. It is true when they say the best breed of dog is a no breed at all...

College!!!!!

2009-06-28T03:53:00.000-07:00

Wow... Ok...

I finally found the time to write a new post in my blog... This time I'm just gonna write bout college life though I've already been in college for 3 months... For those who don't know... My parents forced me to defer my NS and go to KDU college Penang for the March intake. What course I'm taking??? Well, most of my friends thinks it's hillarious, some say I'm not gonna suceed in it and a few of my close friends think I'm gonna do really well. Ok, I'll get straight to the point... Diploma in Professional Chef Training...

Why I choosed that course? Well...

1)I'm interested in cooking since I was little
2)It does not involve subjects that I really hate
3)I might get to go overseas to further my studies/work there
4)A chef's income is very high (I wanna be rich! lol)
5)I wanna be a celebrity Chef (Don't laugh...)

KDU is a fun place to study but the problem with me is... I can't speak Mandarin and most of the Chef students are mandarin speakers... 3 Months de I'm there but I still can't be comfortable with my classmates... I hate myself for being shy!!! There is nothing wrong with my classmates of course, I'm just very... Haizz...

So far, I have learnt how to bake different types of cake, Quiche, Choux Pastry, Buns, how to cook different types of soups, sauces, stocks, potatoes, vegetables, salads, eggs, butcher chicken, duck, lamb, beef, fish(seabas n Salmon), turkey, game(quail n venison) and shellfish which included Lobsters... Hehehe... The funny thing is... Everything we cook, will end up in our stomachs! Haha...

Now, finals are coming! Getting nervous lol. I got loads of pressure now since I really wanna get all A's... By the way, I suceeded in getting a scholarship, The Star Education Fund Sholarship to be exact. I gotto prove that I do deserve the scholarship so that it won't be taken back lol. Fiuh... Pressure man...

Well, I guess that wraps it up... Gotto study de lor... But very hard since my laptop keeps calling my name. Cannot play play de! Must get all A's! Gambateh!!!

NS or College first???

2009-03-17T03:53:00.000-07:00

Oh GOD! Why must things suddenly get more complicated than it is... Just two days ago, I found out that I'm placed in PLKN Kem Sinar Suria, Sungkai for my NS training... It is a very new camp since it's not even stated in the PLKN camp list in the PLKN website. All of my friends except one has made up their minds to go for NS training and I thought I was up for it too until yesterday, I had to decide all over again... This time, I can't make up my mind!

I insisted from the beginning that I'm gonna go for NS before I go college this year in August cause I didn't wanna go when I'm 20+ or something... By the way, I thought I would get the chance to handle guns and do very exiting activities everyday for the next three months! I'm an adrenaline junkie and I love adventures, dangerous activities and challenges... I hate being stuck in rooms filled with people and listening to stupid lectures... I thought in NS, I'll get the chance to get fit! Like a boot-camp! Discipline is no prob for me but waiting in line, waiting, waiting and more waiting is totally shit for me! I've experienced 3 days in NS before in Kem Tegas Mesra if I'm not mistaken. It was 2 days of activities only... Doing the Obstacle course and Canoeing. The first day was totally boring and all we did was wait, wait and wait non stop... I seriously thought NS everyday for the three months was training us to do the obstacle course everyday to get fit and a part of the training. Furthermore, it's fun!

WHY I DON'T WANNA GO NS,
I heard from a fren of mine that I really miss and now in NS, that my assumption of NS was wrong... The first month was filled with classes for character building, moral and whatsoever... Lectures, lectures and more lectures... The next month was again filled with more lectures, lectures and lectures except they added Kawat kaki in the morning and a one day shooting outing, and prepping for the one night outing in the forest for the ending of NS. The physical activities was only done once! Only once! Just like my three days in NS! WTF! That ain't gonna be fun at all!!! All I can think of NS is a total waste of time!

WHY I WANNA GO NS,
I love challenges and I think NS is a great challenge! I don't like to give up... Besides, its better to deal with it once and for all in the early stages so that this stupid problem wont arise again when I'm in college. NS also might give me a head start in taking care of myself and prepare me for the future in a cruel and boring way... Besides, it's a new camp... What else... Well, I can't think of any...

THE VERDICT,
My parents in the beginning agree that I carry out my NS plans and enter college in August but now, they insist that I go for the March intake... I should say it's my fault cause I kept complaining how NS would be boring and a waste of time. To look at the bright side, me going to college is something like a better NS experience. I mean,

1. NS gives their trainees to meet people and make new friends...
What difference does it make in college? I would still meet new people and make new friends. Furthermore, I'll be there for 2 and a half years.

2. NS let their trainees to experience an independent life...
Again, life in college is the same... Whats better than that is, the hostel I'll be living in has a kitchen and laundry room! I'll get to cook and do the laundry with the help of machines.

3. NS prepare their trainees to be better prepared in college/University life...
Can't argue with this but my sister didn't go for NS and yet she is doing so well on her own in Terrenganu... Miles and miles away from Taiping.

4. NS activities...
This is the easiest to argue with... In college, there is a gym that I can be a member of and I can use it everyday... There maybe special clubs that I can enter too...

CONCLUSION,
Though I can find so many reasons why I should just postpone NS but I still have doubts about it! This has become the hardest decision I've ever made! Maybe I'm just afraid that this NS problem would disturb me again in the future if I Postpone it for now... But did the government really arrested those picked NS trainees that didn't attend... Did they carry out any actions like what the newspapers reported long time ago? My parents keep saying, there are loads of people that had and have escape NS by Postponing and the government would just forget/lost any information about me being picked for NS with the millions of files of the same case as me after 2 and a half years... I still doubt it! SHOULD I GO OR NOT GO TO NS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Insomniac Dreamer...(A new me?)

2009-03-15T03:52:00.000-07:00

Ok!
I wonder how long I have been gone...
Well, not gone from this world of course but gone from this web...
Why do I keep thinking I was gone and now back again???
Where did I go to?
OK, forget it... I'm talking nonsense again.
I guess I just don't really know how to start writing this post.

Why Insomniac Dreamer?
Thats my new theme lol.
I'm not actually suffering from insomnia, but I'm just having trouble going to sleep. I find the atmosphere at night too precious to go to sleep. It's the best time to be alive, when I'm all alone in my room, knowing everybody is asleep and I can just let myself go, lost in thoughts without anybody there to disturbe me...
It is also the best time to read! And while reading, dream...
I just love reading and the book I'm reading now is really really really addictive...
It's title is 'Second Chance' by Jane Green and I can't put the book down once I opened it.
Another reason why I love those moments is because I might not get the chance to enjoy it anymore in the future, when I can't wake up at any hour in the day as I like...
That is why these moments are so precious to me.

Ok...
SO thats all you guys need to know bout my blog title this year...
I'm a dreamer and I love being alive during the night aspeacially when it's raining...
By the way,
Lexi Isabella Ferrari...
Thats my German name combined with my Italian name...
I believe in fate and fate has given me this name...

German: Lexi Isabella
Itallian: Isabella Ferrari
German+Itallian= Lexi Isabella Ferrari

I got those names from blothings but I swear I only did it once to obtain those names. I was so shock when I saw the connection and what r the odds of me getting the name Ferrari? I guess I am destined to be a Ferrari fan after all! HAHA!!!

The Predictable Disaster!

2009-03-10T03:51:00.000-07:00

Ooooo... Fireworks... The Chinese are celebrating 'Pai T Kong' Prayers. OMG I think I just saw something supernatural when I was outside enjoying the fireworks...

OK... Back to the topic...

This is done by request from a friend of mine who had to share my horrible experience hosting a party that ended up as a complete mortifying disaster! This is for u and I know u know who u r...

On the 31st of January? My family did an open house. It was planned weeks earlier but I, being irresponsible and lazy, didn't bother to plan ahead... That was one mistake already... My mum kept asking me about the guest that I was inviting and I kept delaying the guest list. Three days b4 the open house, I got in touch with my friend(U know who u r) and asked for her help in inviting my classmates to the occasion. She did a wonderful job but can't really assure me that more than 5 people would be coming since most of them were working and don't even know where my house was. She told me not to worry but ask bout the party plans. Was is a BBQ or Steamboat. My mum only planned it to be a simple dinner but teenagers won't find any fun in that of course... So, I told her that Steamboat will be perfect.

I thought I can persuade my mum to allow me to plan a BBQ or Steamboat but I failed again n again n again cause my mum needed confirmation on how many people were coming. BUT I CAN'T GET F***ING CONFIRMATION!!!!! So I didn't tell my friend that there wasn't any Steamboat cause the invites were sent and I didn't wanna prove her right lol. She had said I will always plan something and last minute cancel. DAMN! How right she was... That was mistake num 2 lol.

Finally, the day arrives...
I kinda spend hours fixing my hair and trying on cloths...
I ended up looking too formal but I liked my look...
It was kinda sophisticated and punk...
First to show was my weird emotionless maybe best friend.
Next was my friend who had did the invitations...
Then came my friend who had to go back to NS the next day...

When I told my friend who did the invites that there wasn't any steamboat or even a BBQ, we can only hope the others won't show. (I don't know what the others will think if they knew we had hope they never showed...) Worst than that, I still can't convince my mum to agree with the BBQ plan cause I still can't confirm the arrival of the guests...

As we waited outside for the so called guests to arrive, the weather was getting stormier and it started to rain... One of the female guest was lost and I had to guide her to my house... That was when the embarrassment started. When she passed the phone to the driver, it was a male voice. I thought it was her father la so I called him uncle... To my horror, his reply was, "Uncle? I'm the brother la." Oops! I was so horrible in giving directions that I had to pass the phone to my mum.

That was that. Then, there was this technically uninvited(invited by the person who was invited) guest that me and my friend(who did the invitation) didn't want him to come. We kept saying how terrible the situation will get if he would show up some how. It was so funny when we saw a white car pull up in front of the house, which we thought was the female friend's car but turn out to be his car. I ran to the gate with the umbrella expecting her but got a shock when 'He' ran out of the car n into the house in a very macho and cool manner. I could hear my friend laughing out loud at the sight of him and I was doing funny hand gestures indicating how ironic the situation was behind his back.

The day got worst n worst when more of my friends show up. My mum blamed me for not planning earlier, my dad had to go out to buy ingredients for the last minute BBQ n all I could do was walk in n out of my house like a mad person... My parent's guests all had to leave early when there was nobody to entertain them. I myself was a horrible host and couldn't even entertain or strike a conversation with my own guest... I was so dam bloody shy again!

There was another embarrassing part but I'm too lazy to write it down, so I'm gonna cut to the scene requested by my friend...

My guests were outside talking and secretly whispering bout how things were going so slow n if my dad knew how to start a fire for the BBQ... As if that was not embarrassing enough, my bloody idiot shitting dog had to make things bad to worst for me. Johnny, my RM400++ good for nothing dachshund did a big business near the BBQ area and made me look like a stupid ARSE when I had to rake his poo up in front of my guests...

WOW... I write so long de... Better stop! HEE... In conclusion, it was a disaster! End of story. lol

SPM trials, DONE!

2008-10-03T03:50:00.000-07:00

Halelujah!!!
Ok I have no idea if my spelling is right or wrong. lol...
At last! It's done! Days of freedom is back again...
But not entirely thought...
One month to really Step Up and Score in my SPM!
This trial exam has really made me realise how weak I am in all of the subjects...
And how worried I was in doing it.
I want everything so perfect but I messed everything up in the end cause I always feel as if I suck in everything!
Gotto relax! Be happy!
Confidence is all I need!
No more EMOness...
Gotto ditch it!
Back to being a Punk ass kid is better than an EMO.
EMO NO FUN!!!
Being a perfect lil princess is NO FUN either!

Yay yay!
Today I get to go Taiping Central!
I get to watch a movie!
I got free tickets!
Too bad my mum has it!
She gonna chooose the movie!
She wanna watch Horror movie!

Like...
ARGH!!! A DOG A PANIC IN A PAGODA!

The movie is called SUsuk or something...
If got the movie 'Step Up 2 the streets'
I MATI MATI wanna watch that movie!!!
I don't wan no horror movie!
If anybody wanna see a girl freeking out in the cinema in Taiping tonight, come and see la...

2 more weeks to my b'day!
Can't wait!
I don't care what my stupid Soulless so called best friend say about me!
I wanna enjoy myself, I'll enjoy myself!
She is NO FUN! OLD FASHIONED! NUMBER 1 MOST SELFISH PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!!!!! EMOTIONLESS!!! DISRECPECtFUL!!! IrRESPONSIBLE!!! HAS NO LIFE!

SERIOUSLY she has got to get a LIFE!!!!
If she reads this, she don't even care!
She will think I'm stupid to write all of this cause she thinks I'm stupid to care about her!
DAMN BLOODY HELLL!!!!! IF u r my BLOODY SHITTING BEST FRIEND! OF COURSE I CARE!
SHE DON'T CARE IF SHE DOESNT EVEN HAVE FRIENds!
SHE IS SUCH A MIND BLOWING STUBURN FREEK, LIVING IN HER OWN WORLD, F***ING SELFISH, ONLY THINKS HER OPINION IS TRUE, SOULLESS N DAMN BLOODY F***ING SHITTING SELFISH!!!!!!!!!

But watever... She is still my best friend and has been for nearly 2 years...
I don't know how I can tolerate her... SHe can't even admit that I am her Best Friend! LIKE WTH!!!
Than what am I to her? A so called Best friend who is not really a best friend? WHAT???? She loves and care for no one but herself! Is it wrong for me to care so much about a friend and best friends?
Is it wrong for me to love watching movies, hanging out with friends, having silly crushes on boys and most importantly, LIVING MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!
Not everything has to be on studies, studies, studies, books, thinking, solving problems, books, thinking, thinking and more thinking!

Well, I've got the green light to write all this things about her which is dam true! Cause she don't even care! SERIUSLY! SHE DON'T CARE!!!!!! She only laughs about it! I'm gonna show her and let her read everything the next time she pays me a visit!

I can even write what she would say to me...
"Why must u care about me? Don't care la! If I admit u r my best friend, then I won't be happy cause I have to worry about u all the time."
She is so afraid of commitment! If she does admit I am her best friend, what is she suppose to worry about? Then she will say, "I have to worry about keeping u happy all the time. If we fight or argue and lose the friendship, then I will be sad and unhappy because I can't keep the friendship alive."

Aiyo! I don't know la...
If she doesn't admit me as her best friend, I feel as if I'm just a toy to her...
Once broken, thrown away and never to be remembered again... It's like I'm nothing to her...
Friendship is love she says... But she don't even know the true meaning of both friendship and love...

Wow! I terpesong until here eh...
Better stop myself before I start writing stupid nonsence again...
Wah So hungry! Ouch...

Good Thing or Bad Thing?

2008-09-27T03:48:00.000-07:00

Today was the EST 1 and MAth 1 paper day...
Math was no problem and for the first time,
I was able to finish the whole thing on time!
After the math papers were collected back, the teacher annouce...
The following names that are announce please come and take ur PLKN borang.
I was like OMG!
I'm gonna get it!
I was kinda happy and excited actually...
I waited and waited for my name...
"Bla bla bla..."
"Bla bla bla..."
"Bla bla bla..."
"OK semua pelajar boleh bersurai sekarang..."
What? What? What?
I was like...
What?
What about me?
Where is my borang?
My friend told me to ask the teacher, so I did...
She said that my name wasn't on the list and told me to check in my previous school...
Hmm...
Aint it awesome if I don't have to go for PLKN...
SHould I get that borang or should I just ignore it?
Maybe it's lost and I can have an excuse...
Or maybe it is in my earlier school...

So,
I asked my friend in tuition not long ago...
She said the school did distribute the forms but they didn't know if mine was there...
Nobody mentioned about me...

Furthermore...
THe school wants the forms back by Monday...
What am I to do?
I wouldn't wanna enter my former school again...
I'm too afraid...lol...

CAn I escape PLKN?
Or is this just a delusion?
Maybe this is a chance!
Or it's just trying to make a fool out of me...

Whatever it is...
I want to get over with it sooner or later...

National Service...

2008-09-15T03:46:00.000-07:00

Wow! I never thought I would read those words...

"Tahniah! (My IC num), (My full Name) anda telah dipilih untuk menyertai Program Latihan Khidmat Negara 6/2009"

I was like shouting in the car... "What! No! Shit! WTF! ARGH!!! WTH!!!"...

Three months! Three months! Three months!!!

I don't wanna spend three months in NS!

I wanna learn driving and my music!

I felt like the horse in this video...

Look how those horses march...

Awesome!

But WTH...

I gotto go...

And I am going lol...

It's not the activities that are bothering me,

It's the staying there for three months that is bothering me!

I love doing rough and tough activities...

BUt I hate staying in a place where I have to...

I can't even imagine myself bathing in the toilet!

ARGH!!!!

But I'm gonna be tough! Nothing is gonna bring me down there!

To me, it's gonna be fun and painful at the same time...

I'm not a social person and making friends is one problem...

I hate racist and I know I'm gonna get in trouble there...

However, I'm highly disciplined...

I'm not as wild and untamed like Spirit...

I'm more like those stupid horses that follow orders lol...

But I can be like Spirit if I have to be...

HAha...

How I started bloging here...

2008-07-06T03:15:00.000-07:00

Hmm... I wonder what I should write in here... Nothing exciting really happens in my my life... Maybe I should just write about this blog I started...

I found this Blogger when I heard about the war between Convent and St George that started from a harmless comment in one of my friend's blog in Blogger...

I created this account just to post a comment in his blog and since I've already created an account, why not use it right...

So here I am again... Staring at the computer screen, thinking of what to write...

Other than this blog, I have another blog in friendster... Anybody interested to visit that blog are welcomed...

http://steph_sp.blogs.friendster.com/sp_no_1_fan/

Add me as a friend in friendster too if interested... I'm always happy to befriend more people!